My boyfriend's dad has been dead since he was in 6th grade, and his last relative on that side of the family died yesterday. I don't really know what to do to help him with it. He knows i'm always here for him to talk to, but i can't tell if he wants to talk about it or not.
2006-10-28 14:24:33 · 6 answers · asked by Liz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just be there for him. Don't give him all the "He's in a better place." or "it's God will" or "it's not for us to know why these things happen," or all the other cliche's. Most people say these idiotic statements because it is an awful situation and they don't know what else to say. They are trying to give comfort, but when you're really hurting, it's all crap. If the person was terminally ill, you already know they're better off. If the person died young unexpectedly, nothing can ease that shock or anger.
If you sit there, and hold his hand, let HIM talk if he wants to. Don't offer advice. Offer to get him a cup of coffee, or take him for a ride if the walls are pressing in, or offer to leave if he wants some time alone. Those are the things that will count later. You never remember all the inane statements, but those statements force the grieving person to be polite to the so-called comforters, comforting them instead of feeling better himself.
Just be there, a gentle presence, and find out what HE wants. The best thing you can do right now is LISTEN to him.
Good luck to both of you.
2006-10-28 14:33:58 · answer #1 · answered by His Old Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows he can talk to you and that is the best comfort you can provide! Everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently. When he is ready to talk, he will come to you, until then just be there if he needs you. There really are no comforting words or actions other than that. People tend to say the same things and although we all know they are in a better place, not suffering or whatever, those things do not make you feel any better! When he is ready, he will open up to you!
2006-10-28 21:30:58 · answer #2 · answered by trinitarianwiccan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Liz, that it is one of the toughest things to try to figure out, when someone passes away, you really want to say something, but yet you are scared you might say the wrong thing. Gosh I know what you are saying, I've been in that position myself. You want to try to make it all right for him, and you can't. The best thing right now is you just being there Liz, he will talk when he gets ready to, and you most likely will be the one he will want to talk to, when the time comes. More than likely he probably is remembering at this time the loss of his Dad. Like you said, he knows you are there, just stand or sit quietly beside him and hold his hand, that's such a comforting feeling to anyone.
Hugs to you Liz for being there for him, and being the caring person you are.
Texas girl
2006-10-28 21:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't ever bring it up. i think that the only thing you can do is try to keep his mind off of it. but if he seems really sad, then asks him whats wrong and just listen to what he has to say. even if your not following it just act like you are. Also keep them laughing cause it will make them feel better.
2006-10-28 21:35:50 · answer #4 · answered by bballxbaby147 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The easiest way to find out something is by asking the one involved. Just ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he wants to, he will, if he doesn't, just tell him if he ever wants to, your there.
2006-10-28 21:27:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
just be there for him. talk and listen to him. go places together. it takes time. he will come around.
2006-10-28 21:34:30 · answer #6 · answered by intelligent80000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋