Stupid right? But I just can't stop thinking about him. We have so much in common, we're good friends, and he and his wife are always fighting and they seem really miserable, she's always putting him down. I'd never act on it or anything, but we always do end up flirting a little, only now I've found out they're moving abroad next year. I heard it from her and haven't talked to him since and I don't know what to do.
2006-10-28 14:17:00 · 24 answers · asked by kadface 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I forgot to say I see him every week, and I'll be seeing him again THIS week, and since I called him and he blew me off and never called back I don't know how to react. I know it was a crappy thing to do but I still can't stop thinking about him. get out of my head!!!!
2006-10-28 14:20:16 · update #1
I know what you are going through and the attraction of this man, is that he is unavailable to you, which makes him very irresistable.
It is not stupid to feel attracted to someone you like and I too felt that way about a man who is married and unhappy, but I keep my boundaries very firm and would never cross them even if he were no longer married because he happens to be my landlord and am sure, flirts with other girls too as eventually caught him doing it.
The guy you like, unless he is going to leave this woman, I would if I were you, give him a wide berth. Many men do not leave their wives even if they are unhappy because they are still emotionally connected to one-another and even if he is not married to her, will still have a strong bond with her and you do not know the reasons of why they argue or if this is all of the time unless you see them them together all of the time?.
Perhaps he is popular with the women and this is why they argue in the first place?. If he is friends with you, then make sure that you keep your boundaries well in place and do not allow him to cross them. He will not leave his partner for you nor will he offer you more than a few crumbs of affection if you did have anything with him and would you deserve this?
I would want from a man so much more than crumbs and this is the reason I had put my crush into perspective. because he represented what a married men is - committment to a woman. It is this that is attractive more than anything and what women desire so strongly and so the more we seek it from somone who is unavailable, the more we are compelled to see that man as having so much in common with us, because we be what we think they would like a woman to be like. (read on)
We build the fantasy the more we become attached to the idea of being with that person and this is why we convince ourselves they they like us the same way too. But if he did like you the same way, with his girlfirend or not, would be with you regardless and dump her. If he is truly unhappy with her, then he has even more reason to leave her to be with you if he wanted to be with you and because he is still with this woman, he doesn't like you in that way enough. Either that or he respects his girlfriend too much, which means that he is a a respectful person.
This is very hard to accept and you will probabley reject my advise and will still beleive that he will fall in love with you. I have been so sure that the man I fell in love with would fall back and leave his wife (I had built it up in my mind) but he never made any real attempts to show anything more than strong flirting and what seemed like genuine interest in me. It was intense and went on for a year and I felt very close to him as if I knew and understood him so much more (but was all in my mind) and we really seemed so suitable and knew that he wasn't happy with his wife and I had never even seen her.
But guess what? - the man you are attracted to is attracted to his oppossitte of taste. He seems to like his girlfriend the way she is and many men who are being verbally or emotionally abused by their partners, do stay with them. He likes your qualities no doubt, but you are not what he is used to or is attracted to enough because he likes them mean even if not good for him.
The fact that they are moving abroad together tells you that he couldn't possibly feel anything for you and even if he didn't want to move abroad, he would leave her and have done with it - it is that simple.
You are not responsible for them going away and I know how painful it must feel for you, (I really do understand) but this is good news for you because it means that you can now be free to focus upon you and not some man who would have used and dumpted you in the long run anyway if he had have had anything with you. He clearly isn't much of a friend if he hasn't had any contact with you since this time.
It sounds like to me, that they are clearly unhappy with you being in the picture of your friendship with this man even though you are not guilty of doing anything wrong. I would take this as a strong indication that it is time for you to move on in your own life and the little flirting has nothing to do with it, because even if she suspected and he was forced to admit, you had done nothing to betray her trust. You would have had to have had much more with this man for you to have been made guilty of anything so please don't be thinking that this is the reason.
It could be that he is like this with other women anyway and she feels insecure and is cooping him in for it. Or it could be that they have planned for some time to move anyway but he didn't tell you. It may be that they are just saying they are because they want to work on some issues in their relationship anyway. Whatever the reason, don't let it affect your life because what counts is that you can now move on and start to do with your life what you had put on holf for this man who was never going to be with you anyway.
Be glad that you got away from this man. You deserve more than crumbs and a messed up guy who likes destructive women. You will get over it, but don't blame yourself for something that never happened. Men flirt all of the time and I wouldn't be suprised if he had done it with other girls too as my landlord did with everything that moved (I think he liked guys too) things come out in the wash after time and so you have had a lucky escape!
Be brave and let him go from your mind as he wasn't worth it.
2006-10-28 17:05:45 · answer #1 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's married, end of story!
Remember that whatever you are told about his relationship you are only hearing one side of the story. No-one truely knows whats happening in a relationship except for the couple involved. If he is planning to move abroad next year with her he must be pretty happy with her. And if he isnt thats for him to work out.
If you really like him as long as he is married all you can do is sit back and be a friend.
2006-10-28 15:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by Tia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do don't chase this guy! He's the married one. He might be blowing you off because he realises his marriage is more important. Everyone at some point in their relationship can feel attracted to another person. It's just an animal instinct not love. If he wants to end his marriage it's up to him. Leave him be and find something else to do with your time. Also remember what goes around comes around. If he left his wife (you know the one he swore to be with till death do them part, in sickness and in health) to be with you, don't you think he'd do the same thing to you?
2006-10-28 15:25:58 · answer #3 · answered by Purple 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are to do nothing, he is married. It doesn't matter what the situation is at his house, bottom line HE'S MARRIED. We all go through infatuation at some point, the key is to not act on it, especially when it is forbidden.
He is like the forbidden fruit. Looks good, but don't touch. Also remember, there's always two sides to a story. Don't be blind sided because of your infatuation. Think about it, maybe they fight all the time, because of his flirting. HE FLIRTS WITH YOU.
2006-10-28 14:27:59 · answer #4 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's married forget about him and live your life do things you enjoy doing to try and forget about him, go out see firends anything that does not involve him or thinking about him.
If he truely interested in you he will leave his wife but if he's not then he will be happy to move abroad with her and get on with his own life and put up with the agro she give him.
If he wants you let him chase you but if that does happen please please please do not do anything with him until he is divorced coz all it will do is turn his wife against you and him and you dont need that.
2006-10-28 15:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by grizzlybear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do nothing! You forget about him and move on. It's funny to me how this poor man can live with a wife like that. (please note the sarcasm) Your making excuses, when none need be made. He's married, end of!
2006-10-28 14:24:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
ITs hard and we cant choose who we have feelings for. Unfortunatly you need to give up on him. Hes obviously doesnt respect you. Im sorry you feel torn and All though his feelings may be true for you now isnt the time.
Stay strong
2006-10-28 14:23:54 · answer #7 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married men are off limits. His blowing you off should have been a hint. He is saying I am married and have no intention of acting on my attraction for you.
2006-10-28 14:40:38 · answer #8 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2017-02-20 10:23:43 · answer #9 · answered by Valerie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, he's married. Lay off. If he married that girl, he obviously likes her, so why even bother worrying about him. But if you still feel that way, tell him about it. It's the only way to clear your head.
2006-10-28 14:22:50 · answer #10 · answered by Becca M 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
wait til they divorce honey or else you'll just be a part of their problem
It's not going to work between you and this married man so do everything in your power and life to forget him. Your going to end up really really REALLY hurt.
2006-10-28 14:19:31 · answer #11 · answered by applecheeks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋