Not waving but drowning?

Question

I feel completely lost right now, I'm so confused and I don't know what I really want. I'm not happy in my job (I'm a junior doctor), but I only started a few months ago and I've studied at university for 6 years to get to where I am right now. I find it really stressful and overwhelming, I feel out of my depth and I'm plagued with doubts about my ability to do the job well. I feel very isolated, I suffer from social anxiety and find it difficult to make friends, and none of my old "friends" seem too bothered about keeping in touch with me. I just feel very lonely and scared all the time, and I don't know what to do to improve the situation.

Any advice would be appreciated. And please don't tell me to quit my job, that's not an option.

I'm already on antidepressants, and have been for the past two years......this is me "better".......

I've been seeing a psychiatrist for around 18 months, but I haven't seen her since before summer - I was supposed to arrange an appointment once I was back in the area working, but I haven't had an opportunity because of the hours I work.

Answer 1

I'm not suggesting you quit your job, however why isn't it an option? Don't feel that you've gotten a snowball running down a hill and don't know how to stop it. There is always a way to halt, or alter its course.

With that said, I'm sorry you're feeling alone. That is never any fun. And while not the same circumstances, I have felt that way.

If you are close with your family, keep in touch with them. If your old friends don't call you, try calling or writing them. Perhaps they think you are busy and don't want to disturb you.

If you are at all a religious person, try finding a Temple, Church, Synagogue, Mosque, what have you, to go too. And try making friends there.

If you are feeling stressed, take time out to do something you enjoy to do. In the hustle and bustle of your life, do not forget or neglect who you are or what you like to do. Take care of yourself. To deny your instincts is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

All GOOD physicians worry about their ability to do the job well. It is a natural fear/concern to have. However don't let it dissuade you, if you truly desire to be a doctor.

It takes time to settle into a job, so if you're not happy with it, it may just be time until you are.... Or look at it as a stepping stone to something better yet to come.

Try not to be discouraged. We all must go through dark or miserable times, to appreciate the good, I suppose.

"at the center of your being have have the answer; you know who you are, and you know what you want." - lao tzu

Breathe. Dig deep into your soul and listen to what it says.

I don't know if any of what I've said is a help, or comfort, but I hope so. And I hope you find what you are looking for.

Tree~

Answer 2

Well.....

I was in the same spot in my first career. I spent 4 years in college, and 4 years in graduate school to get into that job. I had much the same feelings that you have now. I kept trying, and it almost killed my marriage, my health, and my sanity. I didn't have many friends, and those who were friendly kept seeing me as "my profession" and not as me.

Worse yet, the career ended with a bunch of nastiness as others recognized that I didn't quite belong there either.

It's obvious that you can't keep doing what you're doing now, right? You will get sick, lose your primary relationship, and probably fail in some horrible way if you don't change something.

The first solution is to do some soul-searching with a trusted wise person who is in the field. Perhaps everyone goes through the same feelings, and they can help you.

The second solution is to look for another field where you can use your training. For instance, could you work for an insurance company, giving opinions for underwriters? Would you consider being a medical researcher? How about a teacher? There are tons of jobs where your skills will be used.

Last- I guess I'm wondering why quitting your job isn't an option. Of course it's an option. In fact, if you do poorly at that job, your employers will show you that there are options. Why couldn't you bail? Are you so badly in debt for this career that you must have the doctor's income to pay off those debts?

Answer 3

Quitting your job HAS to be an option if it's making you so ill. I know you've posted about this before, so either you quit your job and find something you're more suited to, or you get counselling and talk to someone real, not people on a message board. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but you are a doctor and you have to make tough decisions - if you don't even know what you want, how can you do your job properly? I'm a nurse, and I am more than aware that all in the medical profession can suffer anxiety and depression, but when it's more than a passing phase you have to ask yourself if it's all worth it. Look for another job if you can't honestly handle the stress, before it's too late.

Answer 4

Have you considered a psychologist? Once you get over any perceived embarrassment, it makes a lot of sense, especially for a doctor. We take care of our bodies pretty well, but when it comes to our mind we ignore it. The mind deserves the same care and treatment as the body, don't you think?
I honestly hope you find an answer that works for you - I remember feeling the same way not too long ago. What I learned (somehow) is I'm entitled to good things, to responsibility, to being good at what I do and to a little bit of confidence. My shrink helped quite a bit...

ADDED - being on meds doesn't mean better. A psychologist, and actual human being to talk to and with once a week will do far more than a pill every morning...


ADDED AGAIN - don't you think it's worth it to make the time to see someone even with a crazy schedule? I found a doctor that was willing to see me on Sunday nights for a long time... you can do the same.

Answer 5

Hi chuck.

You seem to have selected an avenue for help in that you have asked for direction. This is not you better, this is you not taking the correct medication or, not enough medication or not receiving the correct support with the medication.

You must know as well as I do that the majority of psychiatrists are as therapeutically useful as a hole in the head their outcome stats are as bad as their ability to diagnose.

You are obviously depressed and you have an anxious personality, you need help from someone who knows what their doing. Cognitive behaviour therapy has to be the answer if you can find a competent practitioner. If there is a CBT department in the authority where you work now they might fast track you in. If you want you can send me your email address to [e-mail] and I might be able to put you in touch with someone.

Answer 6

OH... thats so sad to hear. life is hard and sometimes when you get down it is hard to find your way back up again.

plenty of early nights and healthyeating keep your energy up. throw yourself and what energy you have into your work, don't put yourself down feel good about yourself and what you are doing. try smiling more that helps. also if you are goin home to an un tidy house this makes your mind to cluttered, weired but true, minimalise things around your rooms, and find somethimg you like doing which may relax you more which is good. reading, crosswords, low music in the back ground, a good film, hot bath or shower, take time to enjoy things. only you can do this. i believe you can. make sure you do to. take care.


.... IM A MUM WITH A HUSBAND WHOS A FULL TIME ENGINEER IN A STRESSFUL COMPANY, DON'T SEE HIM MUCH, AWAY FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS DUE TO HIS JOB. YEAH IT GETS ME DOWN, I FEEL S**T MOST OF THE TIME. IF YOU COULD FIND SOMETHING ALONG SIDE WORKING LIFE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY EVEYTHING ELSE DONT SEEM THAT BAD. THE GRASS WILL ALWAYS LOOK GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. MAKE THE BEST OUT OF YOUR GREAT CAREER AND TAKE CONTROL. XX

Answer 7

Being a doctor and studying so long is very stressful. Think of it 18 years of schooling, that's most of your life and now your working it's a big difference. People trust you , depend on your advice, when some cases you're not sure yourself. You have to understand you can help everyone.

And for your friends. Like pages in a history book. They were part of your life before but not necessary your future. But they may have busy lives too, maybe you can be the one to called them up.

To make new friends (it's a cliche, but works), is to join a social group. What have you got to lose, you don't like them, go to the next group.

Also don't forget how helpful your family can be in these situations. If you can talk to them.

Answer 8

by all means stay in the proffesion of your choice, but strike out in a new direction, offer your services to an organisation, such as medicin sans frontiers, this will give you an opportunity to review your life from a fresh perspective. It will also give you the opportunity to make a fresh start with new colleagues, sometimes you just have to start anew. After all a change is as good as a rest, and seeing others in a much worse plight then yours may also help you to re-evaluate your life. I hope you find the purpose that you quite clearly need, for without it or at least a goal to aim for life is very unsatisfying. take care and good luck.

Answer 9

You need a reason to get back into the game mentally. Take a getaway wknd where you will have some quiet time to think, and remind yourself why you are in the field in the first place. What you are going through is normal for anyone starting out in a tough and demanding field. Hang in there. Believe in yourself that you will eventually be an expert and answers on the job will come naturally to you.

Answer 10

This is normal for Dr's/nurses. The stress levels they faces on a daily basis is overloaded. I know...I'm an ex nurse who was overloaded with it for 15 years and now I'm suffering because of it. You need to take better control of your surroundings and try to avoid what it is that stresses you. Speak to a professional on taking some medications to help you cope more. Maybe just a change in a new atmosphere might be of great help as well. And get out as much as you can to socialize with different kinds of people besides the ones you socialize with now. good Luck!