When is an appropriate age to tell a child that her Father is not her "Biological" one?

Question

She is mixed race so she will definately want to know why she looks so different from her parents.

Answer 1

When she asks why she doesn't look like you. She will probably be 4-6 or so before she discovers that she is different. Tell her that she is special and that she has 2 daddies- one who gave her her beautiful skin color, eye shape, whatever, and the one who reads her stories, plays with her, etc. As she grows and continues to ask about him, tell her that her 1st daddy couldn't take care of her and wanted her to have a daddy who could, so her 2nd daddy is. Isn't he a good daddy?

When she is older- 18 or so, and asks about her biological dad, tell her about him (but don't say mean things about him. Keep it factual)

Answer 2

This is right up there with telling a child he/she is adopted. I was adopted as an infant and I've always known I was adoptedl.
Telling her sooner rather than later is the best.(You'd be surprised at how smart a 3 year old is! Especially if she asks since her skin color doesn't match the "Daddy" she knows) And, simpler the better. There is no need to tell her the bad stuff... Make it easy, Mommy loved someone very much and she was the result (I'm hoping this is the case, yes? If not edit story appropriately) however the break up occured, you can simply state it as mommy and daddy fell out of love and now, mommy has the daddy she knows, and he loves both of them... He's the Dad she knows as DAD, the other guy just donated the DNA....
She may want to look for him... but don't be afraid... You, two are the parents she knows and loves...

Answer 3

Tell her when you feel, she's old enough to handle that kind of information. Kids mature at different levels so no one can honestly give you an age.
My mother didn't tell me until I confronted her with it, after my biological father came to my job, and introduced himself. This was just a few years ago, and I am 45. I was very resentful to my mother, because I have a whole family out there, that I never got a chance to know.
The man that raised me, will always be my dad, but I still would have wanted to know my biological father and brothers and sisters.
Don't let her grow up in a lie, she may end up resenting you, for not at least giving her the option to decide if she want to get to know him.

Answer 4

I think that you should tell her when she is a baby. Before I can remember, my parents told me that I was adopted. I just always knew. That way there was no surprise and shock ever. I was told that I was wanted and loved. That was the important thing. So even though it is only one parent who is not the biological one, rather than both parents as in my case, the same principle would apply. And with the mixed race, you can give her the knowledge of her cultural background and celebrate that.

Answer 5

I would think soon as the child can understand. Maybe around 5 or 6. Always tell the truth. This way, the child will not be traumatized by thinking what they thought was the truth was a lie.

My stepdaughter is not my husband's biological child, however, she is seventeen and thinks she is because her mother insisted on telling her a lie since she was young. My husband thinks of her as his own. She was abused by her mom's second husband. As a result, her mind is messed up. If she were to find out now she would be really devastated. She suspects something since my husband is not listed as her father on her birth certificate. They have lied to her and I do not agree with how they have handled the issue. If she ever finds out I don't think she will forgive her parents.

The truth will set you free. Always tell the truth....with love.

Answer 6

I think the earlier children learn something like that the easier it will be for them.

I would explain it as simply as possible without giving more information than she can understand. I think kids are often satisfied with a short answer rather than the long explanation we often feel we need to give them.

You can be a child's "father" without being the "biological" one. I think if she has a good relationship with her father, she may not really care about anything else.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

I agree that she will want to know why she is bi-racial if the two of you are not. What you should do is tell her that her father loves her even more because he picked her for his daughter after she was born. Make her understand that above all else, she is special so that she isn't acceptable to low self esteem. I have a five year old niece that asked her grandmother this same thing when she started to school. Please remember that other children can be cruel, because of the beliefs of their own parents. Good Luck.

Answer 8

i have a 5 year old son iknow hes not mine but ive been there since he was born in my eyes if the dad [one raising child loves the child you dont say anything unless the child brings it up] that might be wrong but all of us are a mixed race. Im white my parents are white during the summer i look hispanic .

Answer 9

When you know she's old enough to handle something like that. She might want to look for her biological father so be prepared for that too. Someday she'll be ready. You can't really guess an age of when she'll be emotionally and mentally ready to hear that.

Answer 10

i was told i was adopted at 5 or 6 years old and i asked a few questions...my parents never ever lied about anything and i was fine......but i had a girl cousin that found out she was adopted at the age of 15 and all hell broke out ..she felt as if she was lied to for the firt 15 years of her life....the best thing is to tell the truth ...answer there questions and thats it ..if they are young keep the ansers short so you wont get them confused..good luck ..im telling you the truth...iwas there i know what im saying..