Because this is being done to me and it hurts my daughters self esteem, I always compliment and tell her she is special but she listens to my husbands mom and sister who always have something negative to say about her and because they treat her like she is nothing while the other grandchild and my other child are treated like they are the greatest kids in the world. My daughter is a little hyperactive but is generally a good and sweet kid. It hurts me and her both. She's only four and has extremely low self esteem and listens to them more so than me. I hate for her to have to hear how great my neice and son are and how terrible they seem to think she is and have confronted them numerous times. Can anyone give me some advice on what to say to them the next time they start doing this to her. Please anything is appreciated
2006-10-28 12:45:41 · 21 answers · asked by beautifullybroken 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
yeah that is wrong and I have been in the same situations like that myself! It takes alot from her self esteem. Sometimes we as daughters think that our mothers tell us good things about ourselves because You have to! she's gonna feel very weird about her grandmother! She feels it hard too! I say just don't bring her over to them anymore! My mom stopped taking me to my grandmother's house! Cause she would take me but not my other siblings! I was very young and my mom told her that if she can't Love ALL of them she can't have any of them. So she didn't bring any of us! You never favor a child over the other! Because that could be the same child that you would need one day and she's gonna remember how you made her feel! I know i did.It also happened to my mother! Out of all of her cousins, She was and still is the only one who helps the older ones out, got married had her children made a beautiful living as a Teacher and a nutritionist. The others are all messed up in jail or got a bunch of kids with no father and no jobs! My mother was the one everyone said would be nothing! The same ones ask my mom for money to help them pay rent and buy food!
2006-10-28 12:57:36 · answer #1 · answered by Black Betty 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are only two things you can do. Either speak to your husbands mom and sister and tell them that you are trying to boost her self esteem and that you would like them to think twice before the criticize her or avoid taking your daughter around them.
Maybe you can speak to your husband about the situation. Will he support you in this?
If the in laws don't get it or unwilling to change their ways, I would avoid taking her to their gatherings.
It is good she has you to let her know that she is a special person. I have explained to my children about favoritism. My husbands sisters are a little like that. They never say anything negative to my children but you can tell that they are a lot more interested in each others children than the brothers children.
Life is hard enough without all the negative feedback.
I'm always making sure that holidays are special times with just us and our new traditions.
2006-10-28 13:00:04 · answer #2 · answered by lajefa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your relatives. That's not right, whether they realize they are doing it or not.
My sister and I have always realized how my mom always treats my brother better than us. We brought it up one day, and she didn't even realize. Her exuse was that he is a boy, and we're girls, so she knows us and treats us differently. I don't buy it. I can't stand it. One time, he asked my mom if she could bring my brother AND I a drink, and she came back with one can of pop...for my brother. Not like it was going to kill me, but c'mon, I couldn't help but be even a tad bit angry.
Also, with the whole my sister is a beautiful singer and actress and she's so pretty and talented and has so many friends and is so social and loved by everyone and my brother is a wonderful musician because he plays guitar and writes songs and sings and is good with computers and good with a camera.
And what am I?
I'm just me. I enjoy singing, I enjoy acting out, I enjoy dancing, I enjoy drawing, I enjoy writing, but do I ever get recognized for it?
Nope.
And I've told my mom SO MANY TIMES that I wanted to take ballet again, but still I'm sitting here today without taking any lessons, crying about it because I feel there is nothing else I can do.
So, yes. Now I'm just rambling about my life that you don't care about.
Main point is: do NOT just let this slide. It shall effect your daughter's life, whether she wants it to happen or not. ):
2006-10-28 20:36:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Favoritism against children and grandchildren is definately wrong. If you recognize that they always have negative things to say about your child and you still allow her to be around them then you're to blame as much as they are for her low self-esteem. Why allow your child to go through that? obviously they don't care about her if they are so hard on her and treat her the way they say. Really you've said all that you can say if you've confronted them numerous of times. Get this...THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING or how you feel if they still treat her like crap. Distant yourself and your child from them b/c at 4 she really doesn't need to be around negativity or getting treated like she's not worthy. Screw them and think about your child and her future. If ditching them isn't an option then have your husband lay down some boldness and tell them how he feel!!!
2006-10-28 13:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by Sariyah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Favoritism doesn't just hurt the child that is the "favorite". I remember when I was little and one grandparent favored me over my little sister. I always felt guilty. It got so bad that I didn't want to go to my grandparent's house just because I felt so bad for my sister.
You should sit down with them and explain that the children all need to be treated the same to avoid making them all feel bad. You should tell them that if they don't stop you might need to take a break from them.
Make sure you don't try to make up for it by favoring your daughter. It won't make the situation better and it would really hurt both of your children.
2006-10-28 16:41:07 · answer #5 · answered by Dona A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is no I don't believe favoritism is right. You may like special different things about each child. One may even hit your heart differently than the others. But to make that openly known where a child feels neglected that is awful.
My parents seem to do this to my brothers kids. They almost shun them. I however have seen that the oldest one is now ten and they seem to like him, but the my other nephew is six and still a little hyperactive. They are polite but it is more than know that they don't really want him around. Perhaps they don't have the patience.
I wish I knew what to suggest to you. Hopefully your husband can talk to them. My parents just get offended and say they lived their lives and don't want to be told what to do by their kids. I suggested your husband talk to them because they are his parents and if you do it they will feel offended and things could get worse. He has to handle this issue and fast. Your daughter shouldn't have to feel like that any more.
God Bless.
2006-10-28 13:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by galbee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh yes it is wrong, and the family members are missing out on a very special child. It's like if it's broken they don't care about it. They probably don't like you or the daughter, I think you should pull away because the other children will grow up thinking your daughter is less of a person than she is. Tell them if they won't give any respect to all of the children that you won't have your children growing up in that harsh enviroment and you are thinking for what's best for the children. I would definitely pull away, like Patrick Swayze said " nobody puts baby in the corner."
2006-10-28 13:17:55 · answer #7 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is the daughter too youthful? i would not take a toddler to Disney it is perplexing to lug around the stroller and that they dont' carry it to recommendations besides. i might by no potential go away out say a 5 an larger via fact they'll carry it to recommendations and characteristic exciting and could do fairly some the failings there. Are the boys from a various dad. in my view barring the physciality of it i might by no potential go away my youngsters at the back of they're element of what makes Disney exciting! which would be like abandoning my top arm! i won't do it! in actuality If I gained a loose holiday to disney 4 4 i might provide it away via fact we've six in our relatives and thoes loose holiday issues sux becasue they're continually for a relatives of four.
2016-10-03 01:44:52 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not right, but nothing that YOU do will stop it. Just let her know that she is OK and that you are there for her. Tell her that there are a lot of people who act mean because that is the only way they know how to act. If you can help her be kind to them even though she and you know that they are being mean, she will be the better person. Trying to make up for their short falls will not get her anywhere but more negative responses. Keep explaining things to her and believe me, she will eventually understand. Kids are not stupid, but remember, she may try and play you too.
2006-10-28 14:01:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have 1 year old, a 3.5 yr old and a 5 year old. my son, the 3.5 year old is very difficult, and no matter how I try, I end up saying things out loud that I know i should not. he doesnt listen or respond to time outs or anything. All the grand parents want to take my daughters out but my son is a challenge and he frutrates everyone. I cant help but think the negetive reactions will be felt down the line. It is human nature to treat them differently. it is just life. compensate like you are and talk to your family about it.
2006-10-28 12:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by bondman07052 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋