Mothers "taking care of themselves"?

Question

It bothers me to see mothers leave their children for endless hours at daycare or with a babysitter so they can go shop for their own wants or drink or whatever. I agree young parents sometimes do need a break- but isn't more than a couple times a month excessive? Why have kids if you don't want to spend any time with them?

To Sugar: You ask "why not?" Because while daycare may be able to teach kids their colors, how to count, and how to play well with others (All things that are easily taught by PARENTS as well) Daycare cannot teach a sense of family nor can it teach the sense of being the most important thing in someone else's world. These are things children NEED to have and know in their lives. If mom has to work then by all means it's not really a choice- but why make your kid go somewhere on your day off so you can rest? When is that child's day off?? Perhaps he'd like a day at home, too....Even if it means doing nothing more than lying in bed with Mommy watching cartoons..

People- I am not talking about parents who have to work or parents who are sick and unable to care for their children. I'm talking about the parents that leave their kids at daycare 7 days a week when they only work 4 days a week because they want the other 3 days to "be free" and have their time off. I'm talking about the mother who's child waits for her all week and then leaves said child with a grandparent or friend overnight because she's busy "hunting a man." I'm talking about the mother who can't tell you her child's favorite storybook character, but know's who was at the bar last weekend and which shoes are on sale at the mall...

Answer 1

As A stay at home mom I spend a lot of time with my kids.Now I love my kids and there is nothing in the world I would not do for them but that being said,I do not get much time to myself so every once in a while I will take a few hours and go out with my friends.This does not mean That I do not like spending time with my children but I do need some time to be myself.In fact I think that I am able to be a better mom when I have had some time to relax.

Answer 2

Each person and therefore parent is different... Each parent will handle parenting in a different manner... Another parent could look at the way you are doing it and think you are nuts and not doing what is best for your children just as eaily as you have come to the conclusion that parents who over use daycare (in your opinion) are not doing what's best for thier children...

Remember the old saying "Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his boots" There is no way for you to know what the parents do, why they do it or what mitigating circumstances they have that makes them choose daycare...

6 years ago when my youngest was 4 I used daycare alot during a 6 month period I went home after dropping her off every morning and I spent the next 4 hours sleeping, I didn't work nights, I didn't work at all, I wanted the time to sleep that is all ... Make your judgement did I do something wrong?
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Now have the rest of the information, I was going through agressive Chemotherapy and Radiation for cervical and breast cancer... I chose to place my youngest in daycare during the hours the older kids were in school so I could be awake and coherant to spend time with all of them in the afternoon... Has your judgement changed now that you know the mitigating circumstances?

The parents you judge could have other mitigating circumstances you know nothing about...

Don't judge others based on your life as thiers are no doubt entirely different than yours and you have no way of knowing what thier motives are for thier actions... It would be the same as another parent thinking you have chosen wrong in keeping your children always with you not allowing them to socially interact with other children.. You may have play groups etc. your child was participating in... But just as you don't know all the facts about the other parent they don't know all the facts about you...

Neither judgement is right because both are being made without all the facts and a judgement made without all the facts is just as good as a car made without all the parts... Yes it might get you from point a to point b but if it doesnt have doors, windows or seats are you going to want it...

Answer 3

Totally agree. I have a friend like that who often sends her daughter to the babysitter on her day off because "her daughter just really wanted to go to the babysitter's". And she leaves her there all day...until the last possible minute she can pick her up before she's charged extra. I just think, man, maybe she'd really like to spend some time at home with mom. I understand the need to have a day or two a month to get things done or have a little time to yourself, but come on!! Of course, I'm the opposite...I'm a stay at home parent that stays home all the time, so it's hard for me to understand why someone would choose to be gone all the time. Anyway...I agree with you.

Answer 4

I have to disagree with you. I am a child care worker and I've done babysitting, mother's helper, nannying, family daycare and daycare center. Those kids have a sense of family. While I agree that for the most part kids are better off at home during the day, kids who are in daycare are not neglected and most certainly do form bonds! Some parent's need that time alone. Wouldn't prefer they leave their kid somewhere safe where the kids are comfortable as opposed to spending that time frustrated, probably taking it out on the kids inadvertantly? What works best for you and what's best in your mind is best for your child, but working with the literally hundreds of families I've worked with, there are situations where the parents need that time, and trust me it makes for a much better homelife when the kids at home. Why be at home when it's miserable? Spend quality time with your kids, happy time! And stop judging others, I'm sure you make decisions that other parents disagree with!

Answer 5

This happens all too often. I used to work at a daycare center and we too often heard the parent say they are staying home or going shopping on their day off....but still brought their kids to daycare. I agree that it's okay sometimes, but too much is too much. We also had a mother who would bring her 3 year old in on a Monday, and say "she'll be hard to potty train this week, because i kept her in diapers all weekend, because it was easier". I don't know why people have kids when they don't want to take responsibility for them!

Answer 6

I used to work at a learning center and it did bother me when a parent would drop their child off and then say "gotta get to the stores 'cause it's time to Christmas shop" or whatever (it happened quite often. I do understand what you are saying about days off yet the child is still being taken care of by someone else.

Why did you feel the need to specify "young parents"?

I feel strongly about deciding to have children and then letting others raise them; but I am really curious to why you pin pointed "young parents". Don't parents of every age have that desire to have some quite time? Every parent NEEDS that quite time in order to function effectively.

Now, I've only had a hand full of days this entire year that have been specifically planned for "me time". Sometimes I wish I could have more but I choose not to because of my thoughts on raising my own child. Now, when my hubby takes her out and about and has his "bonding time" w/ her then I easily enjoy time for myself because they don't have the same opportunities that we do (bonding every day -all day: I have the wonderful job of staying home w/ her!).

And for those parents who do leave their child somewhere on their day(s) off, help me understand. I don't judge anyone for actions or decisions, I would just like to understand it better. It would sadden my heart when I would be the teacher of those children and even hearing about it now, it makes me sad for the child/children.

Answer 7

Yes, I understand you're not referring to those mothers who have legitimate reasons for putting their children in daycare or with a babysitter, etc., or those mothers who simply want a little time to themselves. You're bothered by those mothers who consciously chose to have MORE than enough "me time" rather than spending time with their little ones.

I'm puzzled, too, as to "why have kids if you don't want to spend any time with them?" If only those ladies could understand that time has no mercy, and before they know it, their children will be young adults. All those precious years when their children are young will never come back. Is it really worth all that "me time" which they're enjoying now? They will miss out on so many sweet moments and memories.

Those of us who are now striving to make time with our children, on the other hand, will have memories to cherish forever. I myself am a recently divorced mother of a young child, who's struggling to make ends meet by deciding to work from home instead of holding down an outside job. This way, I'm better able to balance and manage the time between work and my child. I'm making 2 or 3 times less money now with this arrangement, but my relationship with my child is worth every penny of it.

Jennifer, I believe what you're trying to say is that, if a mother/parent really wants to spend time with her child, there's bound to be a way. It may require a lot more effort on the parent's part, but it isn't impossible to do; and well worth the effort at the end.

Answer 8

I'm a young mom. I'll be 21 next month and I have a 1 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. My girls go to their father's mother's house for 8 hours a day while I'm at work. I pick them up as soon as I get off of work unless I have to run into the bank/ pay a bill/ run into walmart for a couple items etc. It's more convenient to leave them with grandma for an extra 20 minutes that to drive clear across town to pick them up, then drive the direction I came from to run errends, then drive back once again to come home. Other that that they only go to my mom's house every once in a while. Tonight they are with my mom helping her decorate a trailer for a hay ride tomorrow. I'm driving up first thing in the morning to go with them and then bringing them home. As for drinking; I drink occassionally. I'd say I've drank twice this year. I won't drink around my kids. If my kids happen to go with my mom to do something I will drink but other than that I won't. anyways, I completely agree with you. I would love to stay home with my children but I can't. their father and I both have to work. It seems like a lot of people I see have kids and then use them like a fashion statement. they seem to parade their children around when people are around and then ignore them once they're alone with their children. It's very pathetic.

Answer 9

i totally agree with you. i know a lady who puts her child in daycare full time (7 am to 5 pm) so that she can go to school for 3 hours a day and then do her own thing all day. i just dont understand it. i know that a break is nice every once in a while but gees, do people have kids just to say they have kids? its sad.

Answer 10

I agree, I am a young mom who can't remember the last time I had time to myself, and I do not care. I love my children & love spending time with them. I went to get my teeth cleaned last week & they were on my mind the whole time, when I was done I hurried to my mother in laws to pick them up. But I see so many young moms leave there kids 4/ times per week to go out, I just don not get it!