I got a question for everyone when I was 24 weeks I lost my baby, I was living at home at the time?

Question

my dad called me a word I dont care to mention begins with a "w" and went to bed I had to call an ambulance myself I will never forget the pain of losing my baby that night but people tell me I should just get over it this happened ten years ago I dont mention it as much as I used to but it still hurts I do have another child now. during that pregnancy I was told my child was gonna have spinal bifida anyhow and the dr was calling me all hours of the day trying to get me to have an abortion that was aggravating too, but my dad calling me that has stuck in my head and he went to bed and left me lying there with the baby on top of me and told me I should not have gotten that way in the first place and called me that name? my question is should i forgive him?I just think hes left a scar on me that cant be healed. Its almost like being mentally raped. I lied there with my child on top of me for about an hour and a half before the ambulance got there any opinions would help thanks

Answer 1

Should you forgive him for calling you a whore?
That is up to you. But a word is just a word. You decide if it means anything to you. Sounds like bad timing on Dad's part but if it is the only time he hasn't been supportive than it is probably time to let it go. If he is always an *** like that then maybe it's time to remove him from your life.
Good luck!

Answer 2

Wow. I can't imagine losing a child. I'm so sorry for you loss and the harsh words that came with it.Forgiveness doesn't mean you're forgetting. To forgive someone for something they've done, allows YOUR heart to heal. You said it's been 10 years since this happened. I'm a bit religious, and probably a lot more forgiving than most, however, In my opinion, not fogiving has left you a scar on your heart for 10 years. Like I said, forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting. It means you're letting it go and you will not be a prisoner to your past any longer.

You can't choose what people will call you or who will hurt you, but you can choose whether or not to allow their inflictions to over come you and continuously hurt you 10 years later.

I'm curious too if you've ever said anything to your father about what he called you back then. Maybe since you're older now and if you talked to him NOW about it, he might be a bit more sorry.

Good luck to you and congratulations on having another child. I can only imagine how horrible and scary that situation must have been for you as well.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss.. even though it was 10 years ago I can understand how it hurts.. I too lost a baby at only 11 weeks but i loved him from the moment he was conceived ( i knew when I got pregnant..felt it) God really helped me get over that one. Since your second baby has a problem you have to know in your heart that God did not allow the first on to be born because it would have been worse off.. but it was a real baby so I believe it is in heaven with God.. saying go mom go :) you can make it.

I know your question is should you for give your dad... I think so but it is not my decision to make and it is hard to forgive people that we love when we feel that they have hurt us so deep. If he has since apologized that should make it easier to forgive him but even if he has not, if you find it that you can forgive him you will feel better your self.

I did this once write him a letter telling him exactly how you feel.. how angry you were and still are. Next write an apology letter to yourself for being mad at yourself for feeling angry and what ever else you felt towards your dad (you had all the right to feel angry and rejected), than write him a letter saying y9ou forgive him.. than burn all of the letters and let it go.

Good luck... you never said if your second child is ok.. did it have spina bifida?

good luck

Answer 4

I know how much pain you have felt. I lost a pregnancy, twins, just over a year ago and there are still days that the pain is raw and so close to the surface it is hard to keep from screaming.

It sounds like what was a horrible thing was made even harder by the other circumstances surrounding it. You are still trying to grieve and the only way to do that is to work through the anger and pain your father caused. You need to find a good therapist to help you process all of these emotions and to help you find a way to love your lost baby without the pain. Find one who has worked with other women who have suffered miscarriages. They will help you decide what is the right choice for you as far as your father. My gut says that there is more to your feelings than just his word choice..that it is more about his actions and leaving you to yourself during that whole episode. You can find peace, you just need to find someone who can be there to support you as you work for it. I will keep you in my thoughts. Good luck

Answer 5

First, I am so sorry your father called you that. That is not normal, but I am sure you know that. I hope you no longer live at home, but I understand the importance of having a relationship with your father.

People say that verbal abuse is much more painful than physical abuse, because you remember it and feel badly about yourself for decades after it was said.

SHOULD you forgive him? Do you WANT to forgive him? Has he even asked you for forgiveness?

It is one thing to ask forgiveness and admit to you that what he said was wrong, but he really needs to make amends. Is he an alcoholic, or have any other addictions? Do you know of anything in his life that would have made him say something like that? Sometimes knowing that his youth was difficult too makes it easier to forgive someone like that.

Sometimes family members say things that are very hurtful...put it into context...has he always said things like that? Was that the only time in his life he has insulted you? Do you speak to him anymore?

When you mention forgiveness, are you talking about announcing in front of him that you want to forgive him? Or do you mean to say you want to forgive in your heart what he did?
Or do you just want to forget?

I don't know what religion you are, or if religion dictates what you do in life, but in Christianity, you really should forgive.

I think it is a personal choice. Many abused kids feel raped twice because they feel they HAVE to forgive their parent, just because the parent asked.

I certainly hope that your father has apologized, and made amends. You have gone through a nightmare. May God bless you and keep you safe. Forgive your dad if it will help YOU.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I am so sorry to hear about the baby you lost. I too, have lost babies and it takes time to heal from their loss.

What your father said to you and the way he just left you to cope with losing your baby by yourself was horrible. Our parents are supposed to be the ones who care for us and love us unconditionally. I am so sorry that he treated you that way, but there is something you should know - THE FLAW IS IN HIS PERSONALITY, NOT YOURS. Please repeat that to yourself ten times a day.

I would like to suggest that you speak to someone - a counsellor or therapist because you really need some help with this situation. I know you still mourn the death of your baby, but sometimes people get "stuck" in grief and just need a little help to move ahead. I'm sure they would be able to help you deal with the feelings you have toward your father.

Check to see if your community has Grief & Bereavement organizations to help people in your situation, believe me, they do wonderful work and it really helps to know that there are people who have also lost babies as you did.

Should you forgive your father? I would say you should, only because until you do, you are the one who is being hurt - he probably never gives it a thought, but until you get help, it will continue to eat away at you.

God Bless and may things work out for you.

Answer 8

You had a terrible experience your dad is an abusive man. The Bible tells us to forgive our enemies but it sure is hard to do. I hope you are now living away from your parents. If you could forgive him and have piece of mind for yourself maybe you should. When you face him to forgive him and he heaps more abuse on you are you prepared for that? What type of relationship do you have with this man now? Have you had any counseling to help you get over this? No one should have to go through what you did, being left alone like that. I'm sorry you did.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry. I lost a baby girl at 21 week this Aug and I know how hard it is. I had to have my OB put me on Zoloft and that has helped me a lot. If your dad is still alive you need to write him a letter saying how much he hurt you with his words and that you really needed his help that night. Getting this out in writing, even if you don't send it will help a lot. Do talk to your doctor about depression. There is also a website you can go to to put your baby's name on a online memorial wall. www.angels4ever.com I added my baby girl's name to the wall. There is also a link to yahoo groups for women that have lost babies due to miscarriage, stillbirth or babies that died just after being born.

Answer 10

Im so sorry to hear of ur loss even though it was so long ago that is a terrible thing that happened to you. What ur father did and said is AWFUL.. loving fathers do not do that to the ones they love, especially it being there own flesh and blood children, im sorry to say. There is no excuse for why he would call u that name and not be there for u when u lost your little baby. I think u should forgive your father even though it hurts, God says to forgive everyone no matter what they do to you. It is not in your hands to punish your father for the things he did, but in Gods hands. Fogive but never forget. If he has ever apologized deeply to you then that is one thing, but I dont think I would talk to my father again after that. That would have been his grandbaby. Something for u to figure out yourself, but forgive him....