$ days ago we are at pizza hut and the 4 year old says, he spanked me. We all blew it off. Then today she asks if I really did because the 4 year old told the grandma that I spanked her.
I've never spanked her, I would never lay a hand on anyone. Does anyone know of any links that would explain why a child would do that.
Thank you
2006-10-28 11:43:34 · 16 answers · asked by ABYSS 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I can advise you on this because I have a similar experience. My wonderful 3-yr-old boy, who lives in two houses - his father's and mine - told his father and stepmother that I hit him with a belt.
I don't have a belt, and if I did, I wouldn't be whacking small children with it.
My son and I have a wonderful relationship. There isn't anything wrong between us; we're good. I contacted many health professionals, even child psychiatrists, to find answers to this distressing issue. Everyone told me that it was basically meaningless. We concluded that it's just some phrase he picked up somewhere - probably daycare - and tried it out with his dad, and got enough attention to make it worthwhile.
We just sat down with him and explained that saying those things hurt mummy, and he mustn't lie.
But, I also looked closely at my own parenting. Without some sort of anger or resentment, he probably wouldn't have said that. I have made a conscious effort to improve my parenting, listen to him more, more hugs, more praise, and he quickly stopped saying it.
So: sit down in a group, tell the daughter kindly that it's a lie, it must stop, but that she is always welcome to talk about anything she wants to talk about - but she mustn't make up horrible stories like that. And like I did, look closely at your parenting. Could you be doing more - being kinder, listening better, showing more love?
Good luck, and it won't last forever.
2006-10-28 13:05:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are no links that you need. It sounds obvious. Either 1) the kid doesnt like you or like the fact that her mom has a BF so she is trying to get rid of you by lying or 2) she is confused about what spanking is and calls something else you did spanking or 3) she wants attention.
tell your GF not to ever leave you alone with her child if she is gonna believe that lie. If it is not your daughter then she has no business leaving you alone with HER kid!
2006-10-28 14:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I would be concerned too. Kids sometimes make things up, yes. But these stories are crazy, like you said you wouldn't think a four year old would be capable of that. It sounds like a ploy to get attention. Going to her dads house where she has another family completely might be confusing her. Maybe sit down and explain how things came to be this way. She was born into it im assuming. Don't go into great detail about the reasons of the break up just the basics like okay sometimes Mommy's and daddy's decide that its best to go live in separate houses and start separate lives. The other mommy story stuck out the most to me. Maybe she was talking about her dads g.f. Even thigh she obviously isn't dead. If i were you i'd look for a good children's phycologist and have your little girl go talk to her. Good Luck
2016-05-22 03:56:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just an example to ponder. I was a elem teacher. In 1989 they warned us that in CA, students were saying a teacher sexually abused them , it was a new "gig". So as teachers in OR, we were warned and told never to be alone anywhere with a student. Today since no spanking is allowed, kids will quickly learn from others that if they use this, it is a huge control button on their parents, not realizing how serious it child report can be. Never dismiss the child as it could be true, but children will often "toy with you" on a "current way to rile up your parent". Even as young as 4 and yes do they ever lie. If you think 4 year olds don't lie, well.................. I realize not all of them do, but children often don't realize reality from fantasy so things they do at 4 don't seem the same to them as they do to us, but yes, kids learn to lie very early ,and since our commercials, TV and many times in general the world lies, kids learn easily these days. If parents lie at all, kids have a 6th sense and will pick it up just like curse words, some will.
2006-10-28 12:40:22 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think 4 year olds have a reason to lie, now consider for a moment what is it that she considers spanking.. Maybe all you did was tap her but and tell her to get going.. to her it could be a spanking..
Children have different perceptions at that age, maybe she just dosent like you, maybe she has concerns she is not spending enough time with mom.
Maybe this little trick worked in the past, if you care to and comfortable enough to discuss as a family, then the three of you sit down and discuss the episode.
2006-10-28 11:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Either you really did and won't tell the truth or forgot you did it... Or, she just doesn't like you and is doing this for attention. It doesn't make sense that you'd spank your girlfriend's daughter but only you and that child really knows.
As preventative measure, I'd make sure you're never alone with her for this ever to happen or be pin pointed to that moment. And if she says it again, than you'd have personal proof that it's not possible and she is lying.
This might be a whirlwind of trouble for you and that child. You might have to have a sit down "family" meeting or see a group counselor to discuss it and not just let the rumors or truths spread like wildfire.
2006-10-28 11:52:16 · answer #6 · answered by Angel-Errr-uMMM? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Children this age DO make things up. I was a nanny for a 4 year-old girl and she would make up the most ridiculous stories. Was she mad at you for something? Did you tell her she couldn't do something. You and your g/f need to sit down with her and explain to her that lying is not acceptable because it can get people in trouble for thing that they did not do.
2006-10-28 11:47:49 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure why she did this.
If she has been exposed to a chronic liar she may be one too.
Or if you actually did it then she is very capable of saying what happened and I suggest you tell the truth, and never ever let it happen again.
2006-10-28 12:12:33 · answer #8 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may be jealous of the time you spend with her mother so if she states that you are spanking her...maybe her Mom will wave her magic wand and POOF make you disappear and her Mom's time would once again belong all to her !
2006-10-28 11:46:00 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The kid probably doesn't like you...and or thinks that you're taking up her mom's attention away from her. Try not to be alone with her so she can't accuse you of things and try to do things when you, her, and her mom are all together.
2006-10-28 11:45:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋