My kids won't pick up after themselves.?

Question

My children are messy, messy, messy. Their ages range from 3 to 10 years. They are constantly making messes. I can't keep up with them and my house is a disaster. They leave toys, shoes, clothes, and books everywhere. My husband is just as bad. I am tired of living in a pig sty. I'm tired period. I have 4 kids and a husband and I make 6. It is so hard cleaning up after 6 people (not to mention the 6 animals we have but they are less trouble). I just want people to pick up after themselves. Is that too much I ask? I mean, you name it, it's lying on my floor! Even dirty dishes lay on my floor! What would you do?

Answer 1

There were also 4 kids in our household - 2 were from hubby's previous marriage so that was added conflict where NO-body wanted to clean up or pick up after themselves. Thankfully only 2 left now. Depending on how easy-going your husband is... you can try what worked for me - and it still works when I see the kids falling back into the old ways.

What I did is this: I went "on strike" and refused to perform my "motherly duties" unless the kids changed their behavior (but keep giving them affection though!!) I put a list on the fridge of what that behavior is supposed to be. We also had a family meeting to explain the expectations and what would happen if they weren't met. the first couple of weeks I heard a lot of grumbling - but stick to it because it's worth it. Now my kids take pride in keeping clean rooms and they look forward to the treats I give them when I do a surprise check, and find a clean room - then they get a special treat.

An example of what I did - if they don't pick up their clothes and bring the dirty stuff down to the laundry room - I didn't wash their laundry. If they don't hang the clothes up - they go to school with wrinkled or dirty clothes - then they got embarrassed and they changed their ways.

I even put a lock on the pantry door so they couldn't just help themselves to snack food and sneak it into their rooms. It was a tough 2 weeks (for the lady who told me to try this - it took 4 weeks for her - but still worth it.)

And - No food leaves the kitchen/eating area for ANY reason. You will need your husband's help in role-modeling this stuff too - but DO NOT approach him as though he's behaving like one of the kids - even if he is - or you'll get no help from him. And - as hard as it may be at times - don't be grumpy - BUT you HAVE to stick to it or as soon as you show that you're weakening toward the old ways your kids will jump on the opportunity.

Your approach with your husband should be all about teaching and preparing your kids to be adults. How will your kids make it in the world on their own if they continue like this? If you let them continue in the bad behavior it's like telling them it's okay to disrespect you. Stick to it and it could work! It did for me and the lady who suggested it to me.

*I also included some things similar to "horsenuttss's" posting about cleaning house. Sure was nice not having to clean toilets (consequence for misbehaviour).

If the kids fall back into old ways - just notify them you're going on strike again. Good luck!

Answer 2

For starters make the rule no children eat or drink anythin away from the table. Then enforce it. Make sure your room is clean and get as much space as possible in your closet or some other area. Toys that don't get picked up get put away in your space and do not get returned for at least a full day and only if everything else is picked up. Get organized. Books on shelf, clothes in drawers or hamper, shoes in closet or neatly where You decide they should go. Toys put away neatly (consider the age of the child and what you should expect). Tell the children that they cannot get out a new toy/book unless they put away the one they had first. No tv. computer, video games, music, playing outside, friends over, ect. unless their stuff is picked up and put away. Also, use cleaning chores as a consequence for undesireable behavior. I had my 3 daughters, 1 step daughter, and 2 nieces all together for a full week. Ages 7-12. Not putting something of thier own away got them 10 minutes of cleaning. Arguing got everybody (involved in the arguing or not) 20 min. and tattling got everybody (involved or not) 30min. I told all the girls the beginning of the first day what I expected and what the consequences would be. It was exhausting but I stuck to that first day. My house was pretty clean by the end of the day but because I stuck to it that first day they realized I was serious and I didn't have ANY problems the rest of the week. They were even picking up for each other! Plus they learned to solve thier own disagreements themselve in a quiet matter. Good Luck.

Answer 3

It seems the overall answer to so many parenting questions is: you need to discipline (train) your children from a young age. I am a recently retired elem teacher and in school I taught them that when they heard my voice they had better listen. If they didn't the consequences would be apparent because they would look up the rest of the class would be doing what they were supposed to do and the non listener would be alone. Here is another example, given to me by my parent mentor years ago. Just an example. Set up scenarios. For example, you want your children to finish their dinnner or no dessert. It doesn't work often even if they don't get dessert. So get ready, secretly, to have huge lucious banana splits for dessert one night, but no one knows , so when they use their old habits of not finishing their dinner and no dessert, than even if you were they only one to finish, you eat and grandly prepare and make a oh and ah deal out of how good it is. This is discipline because maybe many of you think this is mean.This is not mean, it is a natural consequence way to train them. Don't ever tell them what is for dessert, keep them guessing. Then they hopefully will finish their dinner. Transfer this idea to other things. And yes, I also would pick up everything and tell them I would throw it out with the trash. I would put it up in the garage and much later bring it down when they had learned. I will tell you to train and discipline your children, it takes great great backbone, and is much easier to accomplish when you start young before they develop bad attitudes. My grown children now thank me for it. It is often the parent that "gives in" and teaches them that "mom" will not hold to any rule. Good luck and if the banana split routine doesn't change their behavior, quit it and try something you think might work better.

Answer 4

Do you take the kids where they want to go and let them do what they want to do after school? If you do, stop all unnecessary activity. Stop it until they realize that until they start picking up after themselves you won't do anything they want you to do. It simply isn't fair to you. Do you take time out for yourself? If not start taking a few moments for yourself. isn't that what they do? Whatever you're doing for them now, do the opposite. If they are ignoring you by not doing what you ask them to do, then you do the same to them when they want something from you. Simple as that. Your 10 year old should know where the hamper is and how to put clothes in it, as well as your husband should. They should know how to put the dirty dishes in the sink or dishewasher. They don't do any more than they do because they know you'll come in and get upset and start cleaning things up. Once they see that you mean business, they'll get the message. I know because I had to do it. I know you won't like to leave the house like that but you may have to in order to get them to pick up after themselves. As for the other kids, they should follow the lead of the 10 year old, after all, little kids follow big kids. In actuality, your husband should be the one setting the example but if he isn't then you should. Tell them to remember this: Christmas is coming! Good luck!!

Answer 5

Jules, I feel for you. But the first thing you need to do is take responsibility for the situation you're in. If you would not have enabled them, by being the only one to pick up all these years, you wouldn't be in this situation now.

What I would do is have a come to jesus talk with your family and let them no that you refuse to continue living like this. Then tell them that either they will start helping you out, or you will have to take away all their stuff to sell it to pay a maid.

When my son was little, we had a deal and he got one free warning. If I walked through the house and his crap was all over I asked him nicely to pick it up. If I had to ask a second time, he had 10 seconds to start doing it. If it still didn't get done, then I picked it up and put his stuff in a bag and put in the attic for 1 month (1 week when under 4). If I EVER had to nag him about those items again, they went straight in the trash or to goodwill.

I wouldn't do laundry unless it made its way into the hamper, both my son and my hubby ended up wearing dirty clothes before they figured out I was serious. And if they left dishes around, I refused to buy groceries.

Every action had a equal and negative reaction. It took me a couple months, but they eventually got with the program


Good luck and go take a nap.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to say that if you keep cleaning up after them, they will never learn to do it themselves. You are the parent, you can't let your kids get away with this. What kind of adults are they going to be? You need to aske your husband to back you on this one. Take control of you kids, and of your life. Children are taught they don't just know things. You can scream and yell at them but if your yelling while you pick up their mess, they learn not to pay attention to it because that is what you do. They are going to grow thinking that moms are supposed to be that way. I'm not saying your a bad mom, but it's time you showed them who is boss.

Answer 7

Well my house is the same way but I have 7 children plus myself. The exhusband chose the easy way out but he was just as bad. I would really love to know this too since I have taken everything away from even the older ones and no one cares that they have nothing to do. I can't even get my boys to help with chores.

Answer 8

ok i know what to do! i am not a parent though i am only 11 but there was this one show that when they wouldn't pick up the stuff in their room and all their stuff, the mom would take the stuff and sell it at a garage sale. Then after that the kids always picked up theirs stuff so it wouldn't get sold. you can try something like that but try something not as extreme just start to sell stuff bit by bit and then they will ask you where it is and then you say "Well, you didn't pick it up so i sold it!" that will teach them something.


P.S. even though i don't pick up most of my stuff either but i try to

Answer 9

They've learned from your husband perhaps, that it is ok to leave things lying around. You might do it too but not know it. take their things and put it in a box. To get it back they have to do two chores. Two chores= 1 thing back. You might not do this to your husband though because it'll show disrespect but you could ask him to help you pick up all their stuff and put it in the boxes.

Answer 10

if they dont wanna pick up after themselves then make it to where they cant play with nothing until they learn how to clean up. gradually give them one thing at a time and make them put it up.if they dont tell them they cant play with no more toys until tomorrow.or sit there until they pick it up.for as dishes,make them eat at the table.