how do i deal with my 3 year old boy temper tantrum?

Question

my son is 3 and when he gets into trouble he throws himself on the floor, kicks, screams, and throws things. Sometimes he scratches himself on his face, bends his fingers, and he wont ever look at me when i'm talking to him. It seems that he always has to be moving of have something in his hands. Could this be ADHD? I have tried every punishment in my head and nothing seems to be working. What can i do

Answer 1

He does not have ADHD, and they won't diagnose until he is at least five. But don't give him that label, it can be very damaging. He needs some things that release his stress. He doesn't yet know how to control his emotions. Try giving him a cardboard box and let him stomp on it, and tear it up when he's upset. That will help with his frustration. Let him know that it's okay to be upset, but you need to teach him how to deal with his emotions. When he's throwing his tantrum, you need to just let him go, don't give him any attention!.....only when he's hurting himself or others you need to step in....

Answer 2

A couple ideas... 1. Make sure he knows the plan for the day. My oldest daughter loved Dora, so we would tell her the plan Dora-style in three steps -- "Grocery store, library, eat lunch. Got it? Grocery store, library, eat lunch. Again -- grocery store, library, eat lunch!" Once, we'd completed those tasks, I'd add on the next 3 (or sometimes 4) in the same pattern. She liked knowing what was coming next, so I used that for my other kids as well. 2. Speaking of routines, make sure you have a similar pattern most days rather than every day being completely different. Maybe morning is when you run errands, so even if the errand is different each day, it's still outside the house. But after lunch, you stay home and play or go to a park or something that he would enjoy. 3. Turn things into a game. As you head out to catch the taxi, pretend that you're secret spies and that you need to sneak into the cab, and be very quiet. Be on the lookout for any "bad guys" along the way. Or when he rides in the stroller, pretend you're a race car, and go fast while you make car engine and brake sounds. Make even the rides in the taxi/pram fun by trying to find certain things along the way -- letters, numbers, different stores/people/cars, etc. I used to let my kids help in stores by locating certain things for me and putting them in the cart. They'd count apples or hold the bag of frozen veggies or look for certain aisle numbers or decide whether they wanted purple or green grapes. Think of what interests him. And yes, you might look ridiculous sometimes, but it's better than dealing with a tantrum. 4. If the stroller is a big battle, maybe he could walk some of the time. It'll be good for him to burn off the energy anyway, and he might be happier. 5. Make sure that he's rested and well-fed before you head out on errands. If you'll be gone long, bring a water bottle and a small snack. A tired, hungry kid is a cranky kid. 6. If all else fails, sometimes you may have to leave a store or send the taxi away. Don't make the driver wait. Simply say, "I'm sorry, but it looks like we're not ready to get in yet. Thank you!" Then, have a seat on the sidewalk and read a book while your son finishes his fit (assuming you're in a safe location). When he's done, you can see if he's ready to try again. He'll soon learn that it's even more boring to sit on a sidewalk for a long time waiting for the next cab if he decides to have a fit when the first one comes. Hang in there, and good luck to you!

Answer 3

Ignore his tantrums. Your 3 year old is testing you and you seem to be failing his test. If you give him any attention during these tantrums, you're just reinforcing the next one.
Remove the objects of his tantrums, if its about a toy, remove it without a word and only answer him if he asks. "Why did you take it mommy", "because you're having a tantrum honey." Stop giving him attention when he's showing this negative behavior. What ever you do, don't spank. This causes untold resentment and long term negative effects. There is scientific evidence regarding corporal punishment and children acting out. BE CONSISTENT and DO NOT threaten him with A PUNISHMENT and never following up because you feel bad. Always follow through with what you say. If they lose trust in your judgment, its nearly impossible to get it back.

Answer 4

Grandma gave a a swift swat on the tail, held our little faces to look at us eyeball to eyeball, and said in a soft but firm voice, "That will not be tolerated, young man.!" I don't recall if I tried it more than twice. I know that I did it twice, once at home and once at a store because other kids were getting their way. Grandma would never raise a hand, switch, belt or paddle unless there was a clear end in view.

Now, I know many object to corporal punishment, but per your admission, you've done everything in your head and it hasn't worked.

Another thing that I strongly urge is the elimination of video games and television for this age group.

Never do i discipline with corporal punishment (spanking) without first administering a warning. I don't promise anything that I'm not willing to deliver.

When the tantrum has subsided, we do talk about appropriate behaviors to get the things we want, but we also learn to understand and appreciate "NO!"

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I don't think it's ADHD, he sounds like a typical 3 year old to me. I have similiar outbursts with my 3 year old.





Could you be too strict? Could you let your little guy make some more decisions on his own? Is he watching too much TV (TV makes my kids act like monsters)? Too much sugar in his diet? Not enough sleep at night? Try giving him more responsibility. Maybe he could dust the house or help empty out the dishwasher or rinse the dishes.

How do you react to his tantrums? Do you give him a lot of attention when it's going on? I would make sure he is in a safe place to have the tantrum and then I would walk away from him. I would absolutely ignore him. If you need to, pick him up and put him in his room to have the tamtrum behind closed doors.

Finally, make sure that you are spending enough quality time with your little guy. In todays busy world, our kids' needs sometimes get put on the back burner.

Good luck, and don't worry, your kid is just acting like a kid does at his age.

Answer 6

When you are 3 years old, you need a way to vent your frustrations, and temper tantrums seem to be the fav with toddlers!! When they throw their little fits, sometimes they are doing it because they know it brings "reaction" from Mom. As long as they are not hurting themselves, I would try to ignore them, and when they finally get the idea that they just aren't going to get that attention, they'll eventually stop. If they don't, take a spray bottle of cold water, and when they are in the midst of having their little tantrum, surprise him with a couple of squirts!! It will "shock" the dickens out of him, and let him know that every time he does this, he will get a squirt!! Don't worry Mom, it's NOT child abuse, you are doing NO harm to him, and it just MAY help the situation! Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

its not adhd he's a normal 3 yr old my 3 year old was the same until i 1. put him on the naughty step ,2 used corperal punishment (not excessive) 3 ignored him sometimes just persist with what you think is right at the moment your in a power struggle and he needs to know who's boss

Answer 8

The minute you see one start to come on, try sticking him in a corner to cool off. Don't let it get to the screaming and kicking. If he moves, make him stay there. Repeat this over and over, keep it consistent, and he will stop doing it so much. I was a nanny for a boy like this, he through fits all the time for his parents, and he stopped doing it for me within a few days by doing this.

Answer 9

Uterly ignore temper tantrums unless he is destroying something that does not belong to him or harming somebody else. In that case you simply move him to where he can't harm others or destroy things. Otherwise, just walk away. If he hurts himself he'll get over it and probably won;t do it again. DO NOT give him any sympathy when he harms himself or breaks his stuff. "You did it to yourself, don't cry to me about it" "You broke the toy, so you don't have it any more. I don't care!"

Answer 10

It is very important for him to learn how to deal with his aggression. When you are out, you will have to walk away from him when he is throwing a tantrum. Go out of sight from him, but so that you can still see him to make sure he's safe. He will soon get the message that tantrums don't get attention. Most children investigate this as a means of bargaining behaviour.

At home things are different. At home you have a safe environment in which you can educate your son how to cope with aggression. When he gets angry take him to his room and close the door as you leave, to let him work it out. Don't chat about it, leave him to it. When he is calm or has had enough of being angry you will know. Go and get him and talk to him about it. Ask him if he managed to calm himself down - this step is very important if you want to follow up on this. Make sure you get a response and tell him that if he gets angry and loses his temper, you will have to ask him to go to his room to calm down.

From that moment, whenever he has a tantrum at home ask him if he needs to go upstairs to his room to calm down. If he doesn't calm down, tell him that you are going to take him to his room unless he calms down. If he continues, calmly take him to his room. If he resists, carry him. Stay calm, make calming sounds as you speak and let him deal with it.

He knows why he has tantrums, he knows what he wants, but he doesn't know how to deal with the frustration - you have to help him, show him boundaries and enforce them.