Why does my mum do this?

Question

No matter what i say or do my mum say's something bad.
Like when i wanted to go back to college - 'oh what would you want to do that for?'
I want to model - 'oh, you will never make it'
She even says things like i don't love my boyfriend. THEN after putting me down she says i never do anything. I don't understand her and why she acts this way?

Answer 1

Somehow I have a feeling that your mum is in the "glums".... She is looking at a daughter who has her life before her, with all kinds of choices and opportunities that simply weren't there for women when she was your age.. She isn't really "jealous" of you, but she just feels a touch of the "olds" coming on as she sees you on the brink of marching forth into the Brave New Exciting World of the twenty-first century. while she is washing dirty socks, and dealing with the dishes in the sink.. She might even be having private "what if" moments where she daydreams of what, perhaps, might have been if somewhere in the past she had taken that other fork in the road instead of this one. Take it from me, any "older woman" who hasn't done that is rare. Done it myself a few times, but I tend to handle it pretty well, because I guess I have an odd sense of humor about this thing we call life.
It might not be a bad idea sometime to set up a situation where you can say to her "Mum, what did you used to dream about when you w ere my age? Did you ever want to do something that wasn't available to women then?" I don't know anything about her, of course, so I can't say if she will respond to that. But I have a hunch it's worth a try. I personally never had children. My choice. I wanted to travel. But I sure do know plenty of women with daughters who would be about your age, so I hear them talking about this kind of thing. Anyway, that's my 10 cents worth, and hope it might be helpful.

Answer 2

Depression is a wide spread disease and can be treated with professional care.
Tell her you don't want to argue you want to have a calm conversation with her about how the put downs make you feel. Don't argue with her try to understand where she is coming from and hopefully she will listen. Whether you can make it as a model or not who is she to decided what your dreams are or not and whether you are able or not. Go with what ever makes you happy because ultimatly you are number one. She is a negetive thinker and is not happy with her life or else she would be encouraging your dreams, not shooting them down.

Let's just say that in your efforts to become a model you find it's not that easy to meet the demands that a model has to endure. You attend a modeling class for 800 dollars and decide that modeling isn't just what you like but the preparation of a model for a shoot like putting on make-up arranging the sets taking the pictures and you find that this is what you REALLY enjoy. So you find out that the position for a make-up artist assistant is available and you take it. You find out you love it. You learn so much about make-up and fashion and become very passionate about your work and you stand out from the others.

Answer 3

Many times people that put others down, or don't give them any positive reinforcement are suffering from a low self esteem. They feel they couldn't succeed in life doing what they wanted to do, so they are going to tell you that you can't. I think it's great that you are going back to college, nothing better than a good education. Your mother could also be feeling left out, possibly she gave up something such as a job or dream to have a baby. Happens sometime. Being a mother requires alot of time and dedication, I'm sure you have a good mother, she just sounds a little resentful.

Answer 4

I had a mum like that. I could never do anything right, go back to college and make something of your life. I wish that I had, I started to feel worthless and believed what she said, it took a long time to now that what she said wasn't true. Maybe your mum is jealous, I don't know her, You may never understand her. Think of the future, try not to let what she says hurt you too much.

Answer 5

Sounds like your Mum may be jealous. Perhaps she did not have the opportunities you have had, or she does not have the sticking power or imagination you have. Whatever the reason, see her advice and comments as tempered by jealousy. You do not have to stop loving her or appreciating her good points, but just make your own decisions and rise above the comments. Do what you want to do in life and Good luck, it sounds as if you have a lot going for you!

Answer 6

I think your mom is depressed, unhappy about the way her life turned out, and is lashing out at you and maybe others too. All that negativity is coming from something painful in her life. Sometimes people do not realize how negative they come across to others, and most of the negativity is lashed out at the people closest to them. I suggest that you bring up this subject to someone else in the family, or a friend of hers. Let them know what is happening, let them observe. Perhaps they can bring it to her attention. Hopefully she will listen. If she asks you about it, try to stay as calm as possible and talk about the different times she has hurt your feelings. After that, if she should say something hurtful say to her, "When you say that to me you hurt my feelings." good luck

Answer 7

Maybe you should point these comments out to her and ask HER to explain herself.

Does she not want you to succeed? Maybe she was held back from her dreams and subconsciously does the same to you out of self-pity. Maybe she doesn't want you to stray too far from her side because she cares for you.

Only your mum can answer these questions, but hopefully the answers you get here may give you some insight as to possible reasons why, before you approach her.

Good luck

Answer 8

Suggestion always listen to what your mother says.
2. Make sure you open the ear she cannot see, so it goes in one and out the other.
3. The explanation for this kind of comment from your mum is:
A: Shes really is a jealous b- - - - (female dog)
B: She has verbal dyslexia (opens her mouth knowing exactly what uplifting remark she intends to make, but instead the exact opposite sentiment comes out)!
Decide which it is and act accordingly!
Do not allow anyone to rubbish your efforts to better yourself.

I hope this helps you to deal with your proplem relative.

Answer 9

no one understands their parents completely but it sounds to me like ur mum could be jealous of you,you have a life and want to achieve something has ur mum???? does she go out or stay home all the time, be patient with her and do whats right for you,college,modelling whatever,as for ur boyfriend u no if u love him or not how would she,do you spend alot of time with him?if so she could be jealous of that,she's trying to knock ur confidence,dont let her just b u and do what you want to do

Answer 10

she sounds jealous! It sound like she doesn't want you yo make anything of yourself. How successful has she been in her life? Has she acheived many of her ambitions? If not then it sounds like she doesn't want you to have a beter life than she has. People like this are hard to crack when it comes to trying to solve their problems. If she can't change, then just don't take any of her hurtful comments on board and don't enter into any conversation where she might put you down.