Does anyone ever feel they pay more attention to one of their kids over the other?

Question

I have two girls, 16 months and 6 weeks. Sometimes I feel like I pay more attention to my 16 month old, who shows no signs of jealousy over the 6 wk old. Is that because my 16 month old can verbalize what she needs more, when she needs it or am I playing favorites? I feel neglectful and I also feel spread thin. Any suggestions or comments?

Answer 1

I think every parents fears that they may be "playing favorites" at one time or another. Don't hang that guilt trip on yourself, if you are asking that question I'm sure you are a great parent.

We have three children, two boys and a girl. They were all very different and each one of them needed a different amount of "attention" from us.

My middle child (son) was hyperactive and seemed to always need attention. Unfortunately, back then (he's 35 now) we had no where to turn because no one seemed to know what to do. We spent most of his childhood taking him from one specialist to another and meeting with his teachers constantly. Thankfully when he started high school they identified the problem and were able to work with him. Today he is a wonderful happy person.

I agonized for years about the amount of time we spent with my son and felt guilty over the fact that our other two children were being "neglected".

You know what, now that they are all adults with families of their own they tell me that they understood that their brother needed more "attention" than they did. They are just fine with how they were raised. All that agony, worry and guilt was just wasted emotion!

We all do the best we can, don't feel guilty. Your children will be just fine. Of course your 16 month old is a bit more "interesting" now than the baby, she can interact with you. I'm sure this will change back and forth as they grow. I think it's just the way it is.

My kids are all worrying about the same thing as you! Good luck and enjoy your children, you sound like a wonderful loving parent.

Answer 2

I definitely sympathize with you on your question. I the mother of 4 and have these feelings all the time. My youngest is 2 1/2 and I know that a majority of my time is monopolized by him because he has more needs than my 9 year old twins or 16 year old son.

I don't think it's playing favorites it's just that the younger child needs more help at this stage. As far as feeling spread thin, that's probably an accurate statement two young children take a lot to raise (I also have another baby due in December).

The fact that your thinking these thoughts shows what a good parent you are. If you didn't care it wouldn't matter. I guess the best thing to do is finding more ways to spend extra time with the 16th month old (which in itself is hard with a 6 week old who needs the constant attention). Perhaps working to include the 16 month old in the daily work of taking care of the 6 week old with you might help.

Best of luck
Michelle

Answer 3

No. The older child probably requires more of your attention. Surely the younger child is getting her need's met and you are not neglecting her. She simply does not need as much attention at this time. Don't be so hard on your self. I would bet you are a very good Mom. The fact that you are even worried about it indicates that. Just meet their needs and encourage them to interact with each other which will free up some time for yourself. Make sure they become good friends. It is a foundation that will carry them a long way in life, long after you are gone from this earth yourself.

Answer 4

I think it is wonderful you give so much attention to your older daughter right now, often a new baby comes and we allow it to take away from the other children. I have 3 boys and a baby on the way, I often find myself giving in to the needs of the younger children and yet I think they need us in the 16 week age because they are learning so much! Your 6 week old will get attention as she needs to eat and cannot do anything for herself yet. Enjoy them both but don't feel guilty over showering your daughter in love.

Answer 5

I only have one child so I don't have that problem.
I do however have only one brother, there was always "favorites" when we were growing up, but I think it was us just being kids, thinking one was better than the other. Now that we are adults and look back on it, I don't think there really was ever a favorite. Im sure when your baby gets older things will change, you will love them the same!

Answer 6

I think we all cant devided our attention equally a 16m need more attention than a 6m old the 6m old sleeps more and does less while the 16m is getting into everything when the now 6m old is 16m and the 16m is 26m you'll be paying more attention to that girl cause the oldest one will be more independent then.

Answer 7

no favorites here, but with 4 the squeaky wheel(s) get the grease, I suppose. What bothers us the most is the quiet one in front of the TV for hours and hours.
Get the older ones to help. Like bring me this...

or you can ignore them all the same (just kidding there)

Answer 8

my momma kind of does it seem like to me she pays more attention to my older brother he is 17 and i am 14 and he is a senior at a high school where we live so it makes me feel left out all the time

Answer 9

It relies upon on the youngster. some youngsters like me like to be inspired with the help of the lyrics and discover it lots greater exciting to sings with the music. Others, decide for to experience the vibe or beat from songs and are inspired with the help of that. i hit upon youngsters who visit stay shows lots tend to love the lyrics greater suitable than the beat. wish I helped!(:

Answer 10

Thats normal to get those feelings. I'm sure it happens to lots of parents. When I get that feeling I make sure to give equal amounts of attention to both of my daughters.