hello world out there?

Question

been stuck in this house for 3 days with 2 toddlers. nowere to go nothing to do.have no money and i dont drive. house is a mess and i have no motivation to clean it.Husband works alot and when hes not working he sleeps since he works graveyard shift to early afternoon the next day. so im stuck with the girls all the time no time to myself ever 24 hours a day 7 days a week.cant work because will loose health insurance and we need it baby has health problems so going back to work is out of question. so im stuck in this situation for along time to come.

ok im 29 years old i dont have friends. im afaird to drive because i came close to killing my father 12 years ago and i refuse to get behind the wheel of a car. i dont have teenagers to babysit.

i belong to club pogo and im addicted to it im on for hours at a time.

taking a walk is out of the question right now have high wind warning plus its raining and no have no parks or museums around nearest libary 20 miles away.

Answer 1

Hi!! I know how that feels. My husband works a lot and is rarely home. My children are older now so it is easier for me to get out and about!

Answer 2

Wow. You need a break!

First, be thankful your husband is working a lot. At least he's not out of a job.

Also, don't consider it being "stuck" but rather, be creative. Try to come up with ways to get out. How far do you live from a library? How about a book store? Both have story time that you could take your kids to. You would meet other moms that way.

Also, you can look on Craigslist for your local area and maybe find another mom who would want to swap babysitting with you so you can have a little time alone. You could take a walk, hang out with a friend, volunteer. Anything. But you really need a break from your kids.

For right now, I think you should turn off the computer, turn on some upbeat music, get moving and get your house totally cleaned up. That will make you feel tons better.

Maybe take a shower first, then your hair can dry while you clean...a shower always makes me feel better. After the house is cleaned, put on some makeup, do your hair...just some little things to make you feel better about yourself.

Lots of people don't have money. Be creative. Go to a park. Go to a museum for free. Where do you live?

Are you a churchy person? Find a church that has lots of programs for kids and you can keep busy that way. I am sure in a setting like that you would meet people who wouldn't mind giving you rides now and then.

Go to the library and rent FREE movies to bring home. Or get books to read. Take the kids...they'll love it.

Maybe got a beauty school for a new hair style (less than $10) or start taking a walk every day for exercise and fresh air.

Open your blinds, let the sun shine in, clean the house, make some cookies...anything to bring up the mood there.

Maybe find a job working under the table someplace? Even for two 4 hours shifts a week. Just to get out. What about working at a daycare? If you work just a little you might not lose your benefits and you might be able to bring your kids too.

But you for sure need to be alone for awhile or to hang out with friends. Or to just have time without kids and hubby.

Look at the United Way website or voluteermatch.com and find something to do that is all yours.

Good luck. I'm sorry you're down.

Answer 3

This too shall pass. Everything at every given time seems so harsh. There will be years from now when you will look back and wish for these times. My girls are now 29, 26 and 22, I had no husband (by choice), at any given time someone would be sick and I would have to stay home from work, because if I didn't work, I didn't have health insurance, so those 24/7 sickness periods I used to bond with my girls. I became a mother at 15, chose to grow up. You are a lot older, you are a lot more in control of your situation. Don't always think you can put it off until tomorrow, be thankful for the day, on that day. Baby girl, it will get better, honestly, it really isn't all that bad. (Hell it could be a lot worst). Be thankful for what is and know that there is always someone less fortunate than you. God Bless.

Answer 4

1. Every day be sure to get dressed and put on your make up as if you were going to face the world.

2. Make a schedule and follow it. Include a daily walk - even if it's just around the block. You won't mind going outside because you'll know you look 'ready for the world'. Include some structured activities for the kids - like: after lunch we roll a ball around the livingroom floor. After that I tidy up the kitchen while they watch a Barney video. Keep the schedule consistent and their stress levels will decrease and you won't get so emotionally drained.

3. These actions will remind you that even though you're isolated you are still part of the world "out there".

4. Remember this age is temporary, as is the status of your situation, and as time goes by your kids will get more independent, and your husband will get a promotion and you will actually sit out on the patio and drink something cool and eat cheese and crackers and talk about the things you talked about when you were first dating.

5. I can't stress enough how important it is to get outside and remember the horizons, the trees, the birds and squirrels, and enjoy the laughter of your children - and yourself.

6) listen to music you really like as you are falling asleep at night.

7) hang in there. This is the hardest part. It is temporary.

Answer 5

I feel your pain. I have an 8 month old and I do not drive and we are very poor.

My husband works weird shifts and I never know when he is working more than 24 hours in advance. When he does get a day off we are always busy running errands.

I have a dog so I go out to the park every day at the same time and that helps a lot. I meet up with the same people it is nice. You might try that where you live if you can walk to a park, during the day. You will probably meet some nice people. (Try different times of the day to see what kinds of people are there). I go even when it is rainy, miserable, snowing or cold. However it is probably easier to find mommies when the weather is nice.

Walk around the neighbourhood with your kids, if it is anything like my neighbourhood other parents will stop and talk to you. Try to get their phone numbers and make coffee dates at each others homes. It is nice to get together. If your home isn't big enough explain that and most moms will be glad to host as long as you help with the clean up and maybe bring some home-baked goodies now and then (which you can do cheaply). Also you can try chatting people up at the grocery store.

It is good to print up some mommy cards. You can get templates and ideas on the web and buy business card paper to print on your home computer/get them printed at a local print shop. Info like your kids names, your name and your e-mail and phone number. That way if you meet someone you like you can exchange info, even if you can't find a pen. Here is a free site:
http://www.bloggingbaby.com/2006/09/10/sajs-playdate-cards/
and more info about the idea: http://www.bloggingbaby.com/2006/08/30/do-parental-business-cards-work/

Also check with your local church to see if they have get togethers (even if you aren't religious). There are probably other free get together groups around you too. Try calling your public health nurse (if you have them).

Another thing that keeps me sane is hanging out on the web. Visiting other mommy blogs/websites, chatting with people through IM and keeping a blog yourself is a great way to get some adult conversation in so you don't go insane. Try yahoo groups and look for a group local to you, or a group that shares your interests (parenting or otherwise). groups.yahoo.com

Also if you find some moms that you trust locally they might be willing to trade childcare. So once a week one of you watches all of the kids with the other mom(s) go off and do whatever. Shopping, get your hair cut, heck just sit down and watch tv by yourself. (Or clean) Your kids are old enough to be without you for a few hours and you deserve time to yourself. (If your child's health problems prevent you from leaving them in someone else's care you could ask them to watch the kids at your house while you do stuff in another room ;-) Like take a bath. That way you are close and yet can hopefully take a break.

Take care, and best of luck!

You can e-mail me if you want mystic_eye_cda (at) yahoo (dot) com. Or IM me on Yahoo! Messenger: [e-mail]

Answer 6

Gee, this sounds too familiar. Do you have a stroller that'll fit both of them? I know this sounds silly, but when I was in this situation, a walk outside often helped me beat the blues back, if only for a little while. I didn't have a car until our 2nd baby was born - and we lived 3000 miles from friends/family. It sure helped to get into the car and "explore" the area, and the kids liked getting out and about as well. You might call some local churches and see if they have any moms' support groups - and see if you could get a ride there?? (It's hard to ask, but sometimes we have to swallow our pride and ask for help.) I went to a moms' group, I think it was called "MOPS" or something like that, and it was NOT religious based - it was nice to get out and get some support...Hope you can get some help!

Answer 7

Bored? Well try Online computer games.

And why dont you drive? How old are you?

Do you have a park near by? if so walk there , relax , I'm sure your kids are old enough to go to the park.

Or hire a close friend's teenage daughter to watch them for 20 bucks for 2-3 hours or so.

That isn't that much money.

And while shes baby sitting Go to the movies , Hang out with friends.

Answer 8

Got any cool neighbors? Try to make friends with a neighbor, they live close by so you can walk to each others houses. Or try the park, strike up a conversation with a mom there and try to make friends. Or get a fun hobby like scrap booking, reading, quilting, restoring old furniture, or redecorating your house! a can of paint doesn't cost much and rearranging furniture for new look can help you break out of your rut. Or gardening depending on where you live, can help you get some fresh air and let the kids play outside.

Answer 9

Been right where you are and belive me it does get better!I 26 have 2 babies my son is 2 1/2 and my girl will be 9mos on nov 11 stay at home mom with 1 can and my man uses it to get to and from work.. But i have to say he is very good about realizing that what I do all day all alone is way harder that what he does so he helps out alot when he gets home
Hang in there take long baths when you can and they are sleeping and let them go play out sede and run!Stay with them of corse while they are out but just relax as much a pssible when they sleep this too helps.
Good luck!

Answer 10

try just getting out and taking the girls to the park. let them run around and get tired. invite family over that you dont see often and that always bug you, if you have any, the older the better cause they will occupy the girls and help or encourage you to clean, it can be your family or his or anybodys that you are comfortable with. get involved in stuff if possible. church a local school or library and they may provide transportion for volunteers.

tell your husband how you feel and that you have to have some time away from the girls to just think, so you dont go crazy. he may complain but oh well. if you drive just leave, the girls will be ok with him even if he is sleep the entire time.

good luck...... a dirty house is ok....... maybe your husband will get so tired of it that he will clean it........ dont worry....be happy!

Answer 11

Maybe you could find a mothers and toddlers group where the meet , talk and let the kids play. Maybe you also need to learn to drive in case of an emergency.