My fiance showed that he had good taste when he choose the tuxedos for himself and his groomsmen, but that's the only thing he has helped me decide on. I've asked over and over again what he thinks about this and that, and all he says is whatever I like will be just fine. Should I stop trying to include him, or should I keep asking? If I quit asking, do you think he'll feel like I'm not including him, or will he feel relieved? Maybe relieved isn't the right word, but you all know what I mean. It would be very appreciated if you all could help me decide what I should do about it. I would also appreciate if you explain your answers. I feel like a teacher when I say that, but it would help me a lot. Thank you all.
2006-10-28 09:02:34 · 8 answers · asked by bride_to_be 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It is good that he picked the tux. Now the rest is up to you. He needs to participate in planning the honeymoon. When it comes to most of the wedding planning, you are the one that gets to do it. To a man, the wedding is more about you having your special day the way you want it, not how he wants it. It sounds like he trusts your judgment. At the end of the day or week, I would just run everything by him, give him an update. If he has any problems, it shouldn't be to late to change anything. Just tell him up front, since he isn't showing much interest that you will give him updates and review everything, but you will make the decisions. Then if he objects, you can tell him that he needs to give his opinion instead of saying, whatever you like is fine. I think that he just wants you to have your day the way you want it
2006-10-28 14:01:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys are just not into all the details that go into planning a wedding. My husband was the same way until we went to pick out the cake...the only thing we ever argued about was the designed of the icing! It amazed me totally....it might be less frustrating for you both if you got things down to two choices and asked him which he liked better....you know the KISS method...Keep It Simple....
If you can afford it do all you can to fill all your dreams...you only get married the first time once...my hubby got me a horse and carriage ride to our wedding from my parents home as a surprise! I cried the whole way to the church...and everyone was at the church when I got there to see it. It was the best kept secret! Everyone and I mean everyone knew about it but me...I still smile about that almost 18 years and three kids latter.
Have fun with all this and try not to get caught up in the stress....it really is all about the two of you and what you have together and should be a reflection of that...Best wishes & happy life....
2006-10-28 16:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many men, when getting married, are focused more on the meaning of the ceremony. You have to understand that most men still view themselves as the provider. He is thinking about the future, his new responsibilities, and his views of family life.
The wedding decorations are not a large concern for him. When he pictures his wedding day it is you, him, and the vows.
When brides picture their wedding day they picture beauty. Most ladies feel beautiful when surrounded by beautiful things. Remember that traditionally it's the bride's family that pays for it? That's because she is more focused on the setting.
Neither way is better than the other. Try calmly suggesting that some of the decisions are very important to you and you would like the wedding to be a reflection of you both. Also, don't ask him about every little detail. Instead, ask him about the larger things.
2006-10-28 23:05:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should stop trying to include him. The things that seem major to you might seem minor to him. For example, the color of the tablecloths used for the reception might seem like a HUGE deal to us women but men really could care less. I think you used the correct word when you said relieved. He probably would feel relieved to not have to choose all the "minor" details.
2006-10-28 16:41:15 · answer #4 · answered by Priscilla I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now in your relationship, before you get married, is the exact best time to start the habit of complete honesty with your spouse, and begin to share the questions you have for him with him.
You can explain that you have been asking his opinion because you value it, and you want him to be happy with the ceremony and celebration that honor starting your lives together in marriage, but that if he really doesn't want to make the decisions, you will understand. Tell him you don't want him to feel that you are pestering him about them, but that you are also concerned that he will feel left out. Listen to his answer and then decide together what to do.
The two of you are in the situation. We are not. Start communicating now for a happier marriage.
2006-10-28 16:16:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was exactly the same way. He told me one day, "I know whatever you choose will be beautiful, so just tell me what time to show up at the church." Try to rephrase your question to something like, "I was thinking I would do this for our wedding, do you mind?" That way he can offer an opinion if he wants to. Plus this way he will still feel involved. My friend got married last year and he husband had to know everything. It was annoying, and I think it was all about control. She thinks he just wanted to be involved.
2006-10-28 16:44:10 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say keep asking him. You don't want him to think you no longer value his opinion. He might actually start giving some input if you keep nagging him lol. A couple of weeks ago, after many months of trying to get my fiancee involved, I stopped asking. I made one decision without asking his input, and he said he knew I REALLY didn't want his opinion and that I was just trying to be nice. I told him it wasn't true. I told him that I kept asking him, and he told me he didn't know every time I asked, so I stopped. From then on, every decision that has been made has been made by both of us.
2006-10-28 16:20:27 · answer #7 · answered by jnhnghgrl7572002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should still run things by him or at least mention your decisions...most guys don't want to make the wedding decisions.....they'd rather their bride did. I know my husband was like that! The less he had to decide on, the better....so I made most of the decisions and kept him updated on things and if he disagreed or had another idea for something, he chimed in with it and we talked about it.
2006-10-28 16:26:45 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋