This guy I've just started talking to (and REALLY like) has obviously picked this other girl over me. She's gorgeous, brilliant, original, confident. Since I realized I no longer have a shot with him, I feel like I'm constantly comparing myself to this amazing girl and coming up short. How do I deal with these destructive feelings of inadequacy in relation to her, and stop trying to "prove my worth" to him (and to myself)?
2006-10-28 08:56:14 · 13 answers · asked by vanillamist 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You have learned the first lesson of growing up. Life isn't always fair. There will always be women like that and sometimes they even turn out to be nice. But their good looks are genetic and they can't help it. So quit comparing. You can work on your knowledge by reading a great deal, all sorts of books. And work on your confidence by accepting yourself but trying to make the most of what you have to work with. Envy is very destructive and can even affect your looks. Learn to be happy and as the old saying goes, count your blessings.
2006-10-28 09:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are all those things that you append to the other girl. Look at it this way: He was challenged with making a choice between two gorgeous, brilliant, original, confident girls. Something had to tip the balance in the other girl's favor, something you had no control over. Your turn to have a really great guy will come in time, just not this time.
2006-10-28 09:06:19 · answer #2 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this problem in college. The guy I was in love with was always in love with another girl... one of those little "perfect" girls. I was so jealous. It was physically eating me up. I could feel a hot rush of anger whenever I was around her. I started thinking evil things and plotting against her. But then I realized that I was better than her, and I was better than my boyfriend, too. If he wasn't smart enough to see that I was so much better than she was (and she never liked him anyway... just teased him), then he should be with her. I walked away, let it go, released her effect over me and moved on. I never spoke to either of them again, and as hard as it was, I do not regret it. Years later I found out she finally slept with him but then dumped him the next day after he helped her move into a new apartment. She totally used him. He told one of my friends that when he had sex with her, all he could think about was me. So, release their hold over you, do not allow yourself to be second best, and respect yourself.
2006-10-28 09:01:44 · answer #3 · answered by nido_tr3s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eventually, it will all pass. I think we all have a tencency to feel a little jealous evn though some people dont admit it and try to make you feel totally inadequate because you feel that way.
You will find someone sooner or later and fall in love and realize your worthy and this "guy" wasnt worth all of the emotional hardship you are putting yourself thru.
I have
been there and done that.
2006-10-28 09:02:46 · answer #4 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering how old you are. Because at a younger age- they tend to feel this way. Believe me it will pass. Just tell yourself that you are unique in your own way. The other girl might have your crush, but someday- you will find someone better. I believe in fate- if it's not meant to be, then you can't force fate. Just be yourself, and be confident. Guys like that. Good luck.
2006-10-28 09:02:22 · answer #5 · answered by roxylee11782 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! Its such a pain in the buttski isn't it!! It may take awhile sweetie but, you need to forget them. You have so many amazing qualities to be jealous of too!! the only thing you can do is work on looking for the things that please you!!! THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING HANDS DOWN IS SOMEONE WHO LOVES THEMSELVES FOR WHO THEY ARE!!!! Trust me! Its very difficult to be happy with who we are and everyone would be jealous of that str8 up! Integrity, generosity, kindness, and a positive attitude are reveared in this world....work on those things and you will never feel short of anything ever again!!!
2006-10-28 09:08:35 · answer #6 · answered by lbacig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one is perfect. no one. everyone has things that they hate about themselves and wish they could change. it's true about the other girl too. some people are just not supposed to be together. obviously you and the guy are not compatible on some level. focus on your good qualities and try to find someone who will like you for those.
2006-10-28 09:00:01 · answer #7 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Purchase a book about working on self-esteem.
And stop comparing yourself to other people. This girl may be beautiful on the outside, but what about her insides....
2006-10-28 08:58:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just move on and find someone else. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, and more popular than you. That's the way life is. Think about your good qualities and be proud of yourself.
2006-10-28 08:59:43 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont compare, youre unique. he chose her because there was probably more chemistry between them than between you 2. shes not better thatn you. i assure you that, when you stop trying so hard, and embrace yourself and your uniqueness, youll attract more guys. thats what guys find hot, when youre confortable in your own skin.
to feel more confident, get a makeover that you absolutely love, this will pump your self esteem and youll like yourself more. act like youre beautiful and guys buy it, youll see.
2006-10-28 09:01:54 · answer #10 · answered by cruzanglero 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋