Teen Pregnancy...?

Question

I was just wondering why people have such an issue with girls 15+ having children? I have a lot of young mothers as friends and they don't live with their parents or live off the government. I was just very curious because really if it doesn’t affect you why do people care? Why do young mothers get looks as if they have done something incredibly wrong? Why are they taken pity on even if they did want the pregnancy? Why are they considered sluts? And last but not least--why are they automatically considered bad parents?
Thanks for your insight!

I would like to add I am a "teenage parent" I am very responsible. I do not live off the government or my parents. My husband is in the military and we have a very stable home. We got married when I was 17. I moved out of my parents house when I was 16 years old...graduated a year early from high school (Dec. 2003) and have a Certificate in Phlebotomy. I don't work though I could and make good money. I also attend online college courses and am six credit hours away from my degree. My parents weren't hippies either. I was brought up in a very strict military household. I turned out just fine as a mature and responsible adult. I have no doubt in my mind my son (9 months) and cousin (5 years) who is in my care and living in my home will turn out great! I do respect your opinions but I just want you guys to open your eyes and see that not everything can be stereotyped as quickly as we tend to do.

Jim--you don't think my degree in early childhood education couldn't get me a good job? You don't think my certificate in phlebotomy would get me a good job? No.

As for living off the government--come on buddy. You and I both know military housing isn't what you'd call great. You and I also know you don't get paid like you are rich. We get paid better then minimum wage but outside the AF my husband could be making so much more then he is now.

Lady B--While I understand your point aren't you stereotyping? How can a person know exactly what another person has or not by just looking at them at Wal-Mart? That's my question. It's not about right over wrong--it's about making a judgment.

I just wanted to write and let you know that it's not for confrontational matters. I don't ask the question to get people all railed up. I'm doing it to fight the stereotype. I'm doing it because I want people to think. I'm doing it so that people might get out of their box. If you don't like the question. Please just don't answer it. I'm not attacking you nor have I ever. I do understand why people do it. It's because they feel ever single person in a category is the same. I only wish to make people think twice about the way they feel. If you don’t like that then like I said--don’t answer the question. What is life without a little thought put into it? What is life without challenging your own beliefs and ideas--and of course others.

How did it make you feel when I stereotyped all unclean homes? Not so great. Now, how would you feel if almost every time you went out you were looked at or even verbally challenged to explain WHY you even had children? You would try you’re best to fight it as well--online or whatever. This forum is not about all kinds of pleasant questions. It’s about putting everyone’s beliefs together and seeing why and how others feel the way that they do.

Am I rude to other? Not to my knowlege. Have I ever called names? No. Again--if you don't like the quesiton--don't answer it.

Answer 1

I'm not sure why either- people are set in their ways I guess. I know all of my grandparents became mommies at a very young age, and so did my parents as well. Now days, people go to school, then college, then have kids later- so people are getting older and having children. But in cases like you-you have your head on your shoulders and are ready for children, and I think that's just fine. People are quick to judge, and I hate that. But what made me feel good when I became pregnant (at 23), was my great grandmother said, "OH goodie!!!" when I told my mom, she cried, I could tell she was somewhat disappointed - I haven't finished college yet- but will soon, so it's not that big of a deal. My dad however smiled and was happy! I wasn't married at the time either- but why rush marriage????? My parents were married almost 25 yrs and divorced 2 yrs ago. So I fully didn't want to rush marriage and have it end the way theirs did. but my mom and her side of the family looked down upon me, making comments at my brother's b-day party saying, "It's not right...what makes it right?" A. I'm happy B. Everything is going great for us financially C. I will finish college D. We did end up getting married... it was when the time was right for us. anyways, i don't understand how my mom's side of the family can go and talk like that when they have children who were divorced, and they live unhappy lives themselves. I just don't get it... but try my best not to let it get to me. I have a beautiful baby, a great husband, and we're happy. Now being a Mom, I'm stronger, and don't let that get to me as much as it would before. Let them think whatever they want... it's not their life. As long as you are happy with yourself and your life, that's all that matters!

Congrats on your happy family!

Answer 2

This sounds almost just like my story and how I feel!!! Except my husband being in the military!!! I was raised in a good, strict, stable home all of my life and my parent's are both college graduates. Anyway....I graduated from High School a year early (just like you) and went on to college and NEVER lived off the government or my parents my BF now my husband had and still has a very good job that supported me and my daughter. It was hard but well worth it. I had to sacrifice a lot (which I had NEVER had to do before in my life until I got pregnant). I am now living a very comfortable life and providing a good life for my daughter. We are now looking to buy our first home!!! And am now saving money for her future such as for her first car, college, and her wedding day. I am and always have been a very good mother!!!I have seen some 30 year old women that can't take care of their children and can't provide for them. So for all of you that have a BIG issue about this...You need to look at the person and NOT the AGE!!!

Answer 3

I am 29 and I feel that teenagers should not be having sex at all to get in this situation. I never would of had sex at such a young age I was always concentrating on my education. I got married when I was 25 and had my 1st baby at 25.
I know of more bad then good teenage parents and even the good ones from when i was in High School got tired of taking care of a baby and 1 of my friends gave her baby to her mother and hasnt been to see her daughter in 4 years or to even see how her mom is with the baby well she is now 10. Its not right for grandparents to take care of these grandbabies and I see more grandparent with babies than I do young moms anymore.
You might be a good parent but you have to admit that ther are more bad then good and that even the good ones should not be in that position to begin with. Teenagers dont need to be having sex and you make it sound like it is alright but it is not. And I think when you get a little bit older you would of wished you didnt have a baby so early and that you would of waited a while longer.

Answer 4

I agree that these are stereotypes and I hate to think how difficult it is to live with. There are reasons for these stereotypes though. Lets start with living off the government, young mothers because of the time demands of a child are usually not as successful in or as motivated to complete their education as their childless counterparts and because of this are more likely to require assitance from others, be it the government or their family and friends. Next the "looks of pity", it is hard for people to concieve of a teenage girl intentially getting pregnant, therefore most people think it was an accident. People in older generations were raised to think that getting pregnant before marriage was the worst thing you could do next to murder. It doesn't even cross their minds that it would be done on purpose. Lastly the "bad parents" thing, I believe people think this because in all honesty teenagers are still children, still trying to figure out who they are and at times still requiring guidance and disipline from their own parents. People think of their own adolescence and remember getting in trouble for going to keggers or getting grounded for staying out to late or the stress of mixing their social life and school, they can't imagine adding the stress of raising a child to these already difficult high school situations and automatically assume that it would go badly.

I'm not saying I agree or disagree with any of these stereotypes, I'm just trying to shine some light on why some people may think the way they do.

There are exceptions to everything. There are drug addictics that quit then move on to get their PHD's but it's not something I'd recommend.

My opinion in short is that teenagers that choose to have a child are adding pressure and stress into their already difficult lives, some can handle it, some can't. Having children can wait, so what's the rush? If you're in a postion to help out a teenage mother then help, if all you have to offer is critizism, then just keep your mouth shut because it helps nothing.

Answer 5

The issue should not have anything to do with age. You are a motivated young person and sound responsible. The issue when it comes to "dirty looks" or people treating you as if you have done something wrong would come into play IF THE TEEN AGE MOTHER IS NOT MARRIED TO THE MAN THAT GOT HER PREGNANT!!!!! Age is not the issue. People might only consider a young pregnant girl a slut if she is sleeping around and has no clue as to who the father is and doesn't care!!

I would feel any one that is pregnant and not married to the man that got her that ways a slut NO MATTER HOW OLD SHE IS.

The unfortunate thing for you is that your husband is so far away and no one can see that his is in your picture.

It really does not matter however what other people think. If you are doing the right thing then that is all that matters.

Answer 6

I was 16 when i got preg in a small town and everyone made my life a living hell.Even now 7yrs later,ppl still make comments when they find out how old i am and how old my son is.Especially because i look younger than i am.Now i have two kids at 24,ages 7 and 2 and still get looks from time to time.I had to live with my parents to finish school and i get some help from the govt but i definatly dont live off it.I dont really think that has anything to do with it.Hell i know 40yr olds who sit on thier asses all day with 5 kids(my neighbors)and live off the govt while they buy sattilite tv and video games(then knock on my door for diapers)so age has nothing to do with that.Now that being said,if i had known the future back then,i woulda been alot more careful and waited to have sex.I was a mom since 16,i lost my whole childhood and thats not something that'll dawn on you untill you are older.I never got a chance to just be me or to just be me and my husband.Everyday is a struggle because i never had a cance to go to school or build up a savings account.All things that affect me and my family now.I was a single mom for 4years,my sons father and i dated for 3yrs and after our son turned a yr,he was done.Havent talked to him since.I dont regret having my son,but if i knew back then how id be living or feeling now,i would have waited to have sex or have been more careful.I hear about teens wanting to get preg and i cringe because if only they knew how tough itd be later on...kids who WANT kids are wanting to fill a void in thier life...but if you dont love yourself,you cant love someoen else.Im not judging or saying beacuse your young that you cant be a good mom because i know moms way older who are rich and are the shittiest parents ever...all i'm saying is that later on in life,you realize that you never got to be you...and thats a hard feeling to grasp.

Answer 7

I would never judge someone I didn't know.
I would never pity someone for making their own choices and standing by it.

However teenage pregnancy is not something I would approve of for my daughter. I would want her to go to college and live before having to live for another.If it did happen I would try to help, all that I could so her and her baby could have a good life.

As a woman I think its very important to be able to get a education and be able to be independent with out having to depend on another, let alone someone depending on you.
Being a parent is a full time job in itself.
Being young is a challenge in-itself...

You say it doesn't effect us...just the ideal of a younger girl seeing you and thinking Sex is okay at that age ....does effect us>>>as mothers and explaining why to wait and such.
(again not judging...just pointing out "things little girls say and see")

You are very fortunate that you are doing so well and again these were your choices.
Nice to hear a success story
Wishing more girls were able to get their education and keep going for it, even after children.....

Answer 8

People have issues because many young mothers are not as devoted as you are. Many young people have children to fill a need for love. My friend in high school had a child, and turned out fine because she joined the navy, but that is not an option for everyone. Also the modern idea of mother is a woman, who is in her mid 20's and has a job. Older moms get looked at funny also, people are set in their ways, and do not want to consider that something other than the norm, is ok.

Answer 9

Hi, I am also a teen mother, and do not live off of anybody. Me and my boyfriend are on our own and are buying a house. We own one car and are almost finished paying for the other. I am only 17 and still in school. My son get to go to school with me-my high school has a day care for moms who still want to finish school and have their babies with them to breastfeed or just keep them close. I hate it that when I go somewhere people look at me like they know I am not a good mom and I had this lady actually ask me why I kept my son, even though I know before he was born that he had problems, and had to stay in the hospital for a month and had surgery right after he was born... I just wanted to cry. People have no right to judge teen moms. I think that teen moms im most cases are better moms then older ladies, cause we have time, for them and we know that we have to do things for them...
On the slut thing I think it is because we had sex before marriage..... I was 15 when my son was born and I am getting married in Jan 07...
After I finish high school I plan to go to college to become a RN,,, But people dont see that. they see a 15+ girl with a baby and think that "Well that is where my tax money is going it schould be going to schools". We are not stupid, we know what they think...


To any teen moms....Keep up the good work

Answer 10

I think that the bad teen moms are the ones who give the good ones bad reps.

Not all teen moms live off welfare, have dirty homes, are child abusers/neglectors, don't work, etc.

I had my first child when I was a senior in high school. I took 6 weeks off of my senior year until my son was old enough to attend a daycare. I came back with only 6 days left in the school year. I worked my butt off in order to graduate with my class. I even had to come in an extra day to take a test. I managed to raise my grade level in my math class up an entire grade as well.

I am still with the father of my son and have been for 8 years now. We've been married for 4.

My husband bought our first home the fall I started my first year. I didn't officially move in until after I graduated though. He worked his butt off to support us and I stayed home since it was what I had always wanted to do when I had children.

We currently have 4 kids. (6, 4, and 2 year old twins) We do not have government help of any kind. I am also in my second year of Culinary School and will be graduating next fall with my AAS degree and more then likely a job lined up. (The Art Institutes have awesome placement ratings. Which they should for what it is costing me lol) By the time I graduate, all of my kids will be in school. 2nd, kindergarten, and preschool. So the timing worked out wonderful for us. I always wanted to stay home til they were in school.

There are some amazing parents out there who started out young. It is sad that they are overshadowed by the ones who are immature and not responsible enough to deal with the consequences of their actions.