Elbows why are they rude?

Question

I was sitting at dinner with my friend who is from Indonesia he always puts his elbows on the table , well the way i was raised was it is rude to have them up there so i told him hey put those down we laughed and joked a bit about it but he asked me why is it rude here? I really could not tell him.. Does anyone know where these table manners come from?

Answer 1

i found this lil saying about elbow table manners:

The great houses and castles of England during the middle ages did not have dining tables in the great halls, so tables were made from trestles and covered with a cloth. The diners sat along one side only; if they put their elbows on the table and leant too heavily, the table could collapse.

Tony Muir, Tamarama: http://www.smh.com.au/news/big-questions/why-is-it-considered-bad-manners-to-have-elbows-on-the-table/2005/07/29/1122144005555.html

Answer 2

I'm not sure where, when or why this "rule of proper etiquette" surfaced. I do know, being a teacher and reader of body language, that leaning on your elbows signifies indifference and a tendency towards laziness. Maybe that's the reason.

I, personally, think it's a good rule. I didn't allow my children to do it, especially at the table. I would tell them if they're so tired they can't eat without assistance that maybe their bedtime should be moved up an hour. LOL

Answer 3

I think it is about ownership of space: if someone is leaning on a table they seem to posess the space in front of them.

Also, I think it is about making your face clearly visibl while eating: hence too the idea that you should sit upright.

I don't know about Indonesia, but I must say that certainly Chinese table matters are repulsive, and could well illustrate the fact that in specific areas some cultures are just more advanced than others.

Answer 4

Posture. Keeping your arms by your side and off the table allow for good posture and proper digestion (British Etiquette passed to American Etiquette).

Here's some trivia why your friend from Indonesia does what he does:

"57. In ancient times, you were never allowed to touch your food with your left hand. And, Greeks and Romans leaned on the tables with their left elbows when reclining at meals, whether you were left-handed or not, you did this. Left-handed ppl simply had to eat with their right hand or starve. Reason ... left hand is considered sacred." <1>

Answer 5

It's about personal space. By having your elbows on the table, you're encroaching on other people's personal space. Different people react to this sort of behavior differently because their personal space boundaries vary. For someone who's pretty touchy-feely, it shouldn't be a problem, but for someone who likes their personal boundaries, it would make them feel uncomfortable.
For a more in depth explanation I suggest you read Barbara and Allan Pease's books on Body Language. They're really interesting.

Answer 6

I don't know where it comes from but it doesn't bother me at all when someone does it. I used to wonder what the problem was when people told someone to get their elbows off the table.

Answer 7

The biggest problem with putting elbows on the table is that it, from my observations, encourages slouching and/or leaning the head on a hand or two. This, in turn, can lead to poor posture and it looks sloppy.

Answer 8

Wikipedia says "doing so creates a risk of tipping over bowls and cups". i think of thats authentic in case you have an fairly decrease priced unbalanced table. the super residences and castles of england for the period of the midsection a while did no longer have eating tables interior the super halls, so tables have been created from trestles and lined with a textile. The diners sat alongside one component purely; in the event that they placed their elbows on the table and leant too heavily, the table ought to give way.

Answer 9

only the americans and the british state no elbows on the table. the french state both hands must be above the table at the sametime.. so it is definitely a british thing...

Answer 10

for me, it becomes rude when the elbows occupy too much space on the table that it tends to touch food or bumps you arm while you're eating.