teenage daughter/mother troubles?

Question

i'll do this quick, my kid(17)spreading her wings, trying the drinking and stuff. she had a halloween get together(under 10 people) the drinking was supervised, one rule for outof town kids was they couldnt leave after drinking so everyone spent the night with blankets sacked out on the floor. one of the kids was my girls boyfriend and his buddy. the rest were female. my point of view, everyone woke up safe and sound. my mother found out and went off on me, she dosent think my girl should be drinking or having boys sleep over. mom is now not speaking to me. was i comfortable with this....not really, in a perfect world she wouldnt be drinking or having a boyfriend.but i'd rather it be in front of me then behind my back. did i screw up or what??? help

ive talked till blue in the face about drinking, shes knows how i feel, but in the end its her choice

Answer 1

You SO DID NOT SCREW UP!!!! I would much rather have my daughter and her friends drink under my supervision! Do you realize how many teen drinking and driving accidents occur? Do you realize how many OTHER alcohol related incidents happen with teens drinking at parties? Too many to count! You are showing a side that many parents can't see. You KNOW they are going to experiment with alcohol..ALL TEENS DO!! You aren't avoiding the problem, you are finding a safer way to do it. I would let my daughter party at your house any time...Because I would know that with YOUR supervision, I would see her again!
I know a few parents like you. My best friends mom was the same way when we were kids! I always partied out there with her, and stayed the night. Her mom made sure we were safe. She understood that she couldn't stop us, so she figured that if we were gonna do it, then we would do it there, rather than some party in the middle of no where.
As for the Legal side of this....I have a friend that is a police officer, and this subject came up once about under age drinking. He told me that as long as the kid drank at home and DID NOT LEAVE the house, they couldn't do anything about it.
And about the BOYFRIEND....well teens will be sexually active long before we even KNOW it. There is NOTHING you can do here....So really...No BIGGIE!! I mean whether or not he stays the nite there or they go in the wood somewhere...There is nothing a parent can do..Just teach them about safe sex and birth control.
Really, you are pretty smart about this stuff. You are very open and I bet you have a good relationship with your teen which is VERY important nowadays. I see you as realizing what you cannot avoid, and finding a way to ensure your daughters safety. People won't always agree with it, but then you just ask...Would you rather them drink and drive and never see them again....or sleep it off in my living room? I'm sure they would see it your way!

Answer 2

I basically have the same problem as you. I procrastinate a lot meaning I always wait on the last minute. Just like you, I get homework and I tell myself that I'm going to do it tonight and it never happens. My mind just finds the possible way of diverting my attention. Lol. But sometimes, I really stay up late and dont hardly get any sleep which makes me pretty grumpy tomorrow and conflicts with my parents show up. My answer to you is to calm down because almost everybody has the same problem. Yes, they are teenage troubles and they will soon pass. But right now, just push yourself more! =)

Answer 3

Well, not to scare you off the bat, but if you get caught that's illegal (letting kids drink). On a moral note, if you take a stand and say that you don't allow these things in your house, but you make their time there fun in other ways, you'd be much better off. I know that I was allowed to drink at my parents house as long as I asked, and if a friend and I wanted to have a drink that night as long as it was okay with their parents, we could. (I'm 22 now, so 17 wasn't all that long ago.) I never went out and partied behind my parents back, I never rebelled or did drugs or anything else. My sister had the same rules, (though much more freedom and different consequences), and although she will go out to someone elses's house and have a drink, she won't drive, and doen't do other drugs. The thing that has helped us is our parents. My parents were always in control (in a parental way), and always respected. They stood up against us if we tried any of that. It sounds like you're almost afraid of standing up to your daughter and enforcing your rules, and I can understand you not wanting her to rebel and get do worse things, or at someone else's house, but remember that you are her mother, and she should respect you, AND your decisions. (She may not like them, but she should respect them.) Besides, woudln't you rather her learn to stand up for herself and make her own decisions. Most teens drink because it's cool to do. Don't you want to teach your daughter to be able to have fun without drinking? Hope I didn't upset you!
(On a side note why is it that I'm the only one who sees the wrong in letting your kids think that you have to drink to have fun, not to mention the illegality of it all. I'm 22 I should be encouraging it!)

Answer 4

Your wife is right. You have to be a parent, not a friend. No underage drinking should be tolerated. No boys sleeping over. Zero tolerance is the only way to go for a parent. You are sending the wrong message. What is one of the kids drank too much and had to be rushed to the ER or even died? It has happened. Think about it: Would you allow her to do drugs because "you would rather she do it in front of you than behind your back"? How about group sex? It is up to you to let her know what's right and wrong and you failed. Mom is right.

Answer 5

it is not her choice at 17, it is ur choice and not only r u encouraging it, ur allowing it to happen. as far as i'm concerned u screwed up big time and ur mom is 100% right. unfortunately u have already set the precedent for ur daughters behavior and if u try to stop now the sh.. is going to hit all the fans. but u r still the mom and what u say should go if u put ur foot down. good luck u r going to need it.

Answer 6

Why, if you have a seventeen year old, are you still concerned about your mother's criticisms? Right or wrong, as the parent of this child, you get to call the shots. But, you are awfully lucky to still have your mom around. I miss mine so much. Spend some extra time with her. Maybe she's feeling useless and purposeless. Give her a hug for me. As for your daughter, get her away from the booze. I just went to a memorial service yesterday for a young man her age who died driving and drinking. I'm so sick of booze and what it does to people.

Answer 7

i think that you should listen to your mom. opologize to her and tell her that she is right but that this is YOUR daughter.. i think its fine that you let your daughters friends come and sleep over but dont you think taht you should wait to let your kid drink .. i mean seriously shes 17. in a few years shes gonna be drinking like crazy and shes gonna say "hey my mom said i could" so i think you should calm down on the drinking and make friends with your mom.. ask for her advice even if you dont wanna use it.

Answer 8

NOPE u didnt screw up. PROUD of u!! She'll get over it. U kept up all night supervising them. I give u a pat on ur back!!! Wish my girls were open about thier doings

Answer 9

i get why you did that-but u shouldn't let teens drink in your house-because you are liable. But you did take the necessary precautions, your mom is old school. You can see where she's coming in her time things like that weren't acceptable.

Answer 10

You should talk to your mother and daughter Make it A Girl thing tell them how you feel No you did NOT srew up