How do you get a 4 year old to stop several annoying habits? See details.?

Question

My 4 yr old stepson has several bad habits that I am trying to break. He yells loudly and constantly in the house, he always has his fingers in his mouth or sucks his shirt. He also has very poor table manners. I have tried everything I know to change these things. Any creative suggestions as to what I can do or will he just outgrow these things.

He does have time outs. As for his natural parents, my husband and I have custody and he stays with me during the day. That is part of the problem. He has little or no direction during the time at moms. Very difficult situation for a little guy.

Answer 1

as for the shirt sucking and finger sucking it canbe a sidn of low iorn in his blood. My son did the same thing.as for the rest of it try a "chore-reward" board. Make a list of the things he need to work on (simple ones first) and try doning it in life hours, but for every hour he behaves let him choose something out oh the "reward bag". Examples of things to put in the "reward bag" .... an extra 30 minutes of cartoon, or go to the dollar store and buy a bag of army men, and give him one each time, tell him he has to be good to earn more men so that he can have his "army". Then after he gets the idea up it from one hour to 3 or four keep doing that until your at 1 day at a time.

Answer 2

He may very well outgrow some of it. The loudness and finger/shirt sucking he might. The table manners are going to have to worked on, he won't outgrow that. With my boys (7 and 4) the thing that seems to work the best as far as habits is a behavior chart. They love to get the stickers on it and they can also earn tickets for things such as computer time. For each meal that he sits through like a gentleman he can earn a sticker or a ticket, whatever would mean something to him. If he sees positive results each time he does it he is more likely to want to do it again. We also use the tickets to "catch" them being good. If my boys are getting along nicely or playing nicely with their sister (16 months) we will randomly give them a ticket. That may work for his loudness in the house. At the same time he has to understand that certain things are just not tolerated.

Answer 3

The best way would be to EXAMPLE the behaviors you would like him to practice. If you and dad practice nice table manners, he will see that it is the "normal" way of behaving at the table. A gentle reminder may be needed; however, I found that hounding my children while trying to enjoy our family dinner was the wrong approach. I tell them the reason good manners are important at a meal is so that everyone around us can also enjoy their meal without being grossed out and/or annoyed. As my boys got into school they would come home and tell me about the bad/gross manners some children displayed at lunch, and that the kids around the "gross kids" would say things. (I guess peer pressure works!) Also, I have talked to them about when they go out on dates when they get older - would the girl like it if they did such and such a thing while eating, etc. THAT always gets their attention!

If we don't want our kids to yell, then we shouldn't be yelling at them all the time. "A gentle answer turns away wrath." **If we are constantly criticizing our children they will start to believe that they are not "good enough" and that they are stupid/worthless people.** I know this for a fact - My parents loved all of us kids, but were rather critical with us (and themselves), even though they thought we were all quite capable children. The result? We have all struggled with self-confidence/self-loathing issues and here we are in our late 40s early 50s.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Don't feed into his behavior. My oldest daughter 6yrs old has gone to her father's house every weekend since 1yr old. She goes through things like this every few months. All I can say is that I have to be very stern with her. I remind her that she is very much loved, and a very important part of this family...We let her know that her behavior will not be tolerated. Even after that chit chat there are several times she'll do the same things your step son does, she'll yell and scream and treat her sisters very badly. Those times she is put in her room to think. I think that helps alot. She then has to apologize and we go on about our day. I have been known to yell back at her when she is acting up and that only intesifies the situation. It's so difficult to lower your tone and soften your voice but that helps so much. I suggest talking to his pediatrician to let him/her know about this and see what they have to say. I would do alot of research too. At the end of the day, give hima hug and let him know you love him. Read a story and go to bed. The next day is a new day. Good luck.

Answer 5

For the yelling, refuse to respond to it. Tell him *once* that he must lower his voice, then turn around and leave the room, closing the door quietly behind you. Show him that you are not going to reward this behaviour. When he speaks in a normal tone of voice, then respond, and praise him, tell him that's good.
The finger-and-shirt sucking thing, well he's 4, he'll grow out of it, esp. at preschool where he will quickly discover it's uncool and will get him laughed at. It's an infantile response to stress, he feels insecure so he sucks on things that bring memories of breast or bottle feeding. If being a "big boy" is important to him, tell him (not sarcastically) that only babies suck on things, and he's not a baby any more. Avoid sarcasm with your son, it creates resentment. Nobody likes it! Instead, try a cool, curious approach (even if you have to fake it), a sort of detached "What *are* you doing?" as if he were an interesting specimen....kind of like Mr. Spock.

Answer 6

All I can say from experience is that, children are like blank pieces of paper. Every thing they do is learned. So if you notice any unfavourable behaviour, you must reflect upon yourself where he might have seen it (from adults around the house? From TV?).

Do adults yell at him? Is he just merely imitating how he is being treated?

About the finger in mouth problem, usually if a child a well fed, they will not feel the urge to stick things in their mouths.

Also as I say to anybody with a case of any children with such a behaviour-- you should direct his energies else where, instead of pin pointing his bad habits. If he likes to yell, teachi him to sing properly (sing along to DVDs and tapes). Teach him some faculty exercises, like couting, making paper crafts, tieing knots, even playing an instrument. Any kid that opts for yelling and unruly are actually hungry for some intellectual intake.

Answer 7

You may be going about it the wrong way for him to comply.

There are a lot of sites you can google just by typing in "children's bad behavior".

A lot of the articles are printable and offer some good outlook and strategies for parents. One good one was "Stop Bad Behavior Before Your Child is A Teen"!"

Take the time to search engine on it before asking people that are not professionals on the subject. What worked for them may not work for yours.

Answer 8

Be sweet, sweet, sweet to him and let him learn to love your smiles. He will think you are so beautiful if you just smile at him. Then when you aren't happy with something he does let him know that you understand why he did whatever he did and ask him to do it this way in the future because it makes you very happy.

Yelling is one way to be heard. So if he feels like yelling is the most effective to get someone to respond to him then he is smart to yell.

Give him lots of attention when he is a big boy with good manners at the table. If he still acts up to test you then on those occassions let him know that you see him but you aren't happy with it and remind him how nice it was when he showed you his good manners. You can even get him to pretend that he is a prince with perfect manners and then when you sit down for dinner you can call him your little prince.

About the fingers in the mouth thing, I know a few four year olds and I recently told them about worms. I didn't want to scare them too much so I didn't go over-board or get graphic but I did tell them that is why they don't see adults walking around with their fingers in their mouths and why we always wash our hands before we eat. I also like to use humor to get children to listen to me, you can say something like "Wouldn't it be funny to see your Dad walking around with his fingers in his mouth? What do you think people would do or what do you think they would think about him if he did that? Or what if (his favorite sports figure or grown up) put his fingers in his mouth, do you think people would tease him? Or, oh my goodness what if (the sports player) kept getting colds because of the germs on his fingers and then he couldn't win the game? Oh No!!!" I always make my eyes really big at them and fluctuate the tone of my voice to keep their attention. Make sure you let him answer your questions.

You are soooo lucky to have him around. Four year old are so wonderful and you will be able to have a very positive influence on this childs life.

Love is the answer. If you love him and he loves you back then he will do whatever you want. :)

(On a final note to you... He will grow out of all of it. I have never seen an adult walking around with their fingers or their shirt in their mouth and manners will come one way or another. So don't put so much pressure on yourself to teach him these things that it ruins your time with him.)

Answer 9

You may need to see a Child Psychiatrist if the behavior continues.

Answer 10

He doesn't outgrow them, you teach him good habits. It's a gradual process.

Read 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk."