My daughter.. anorexic?

Question

My daughter is a very young, but thin girl. She is thirteen and in the 7th grade. I've asked her where she has been going during dinner time, she usually says, "Oh I went to my friend's house, we ate dinner, very yummy." She is very active in almost every sport. But I've found an workout planning sheet in her bedroom. I've asked her how much she weighs, she says, "I weigh 76 pounds now." I've tried to stop her, but she won't listen. I don't have to worry about her with those people on myspace or xanga, because she doesn't have a computer. And suggestions?

I've asked her boyfriend and he said, "What do you mean?" Her friends won't talk at all. She is five feet tall and I've told her that it doesn't matter how she looks. She does go to school and I'm wondering how do I know that she's eating? I want to get her out of sports. I was not this small when I was in 7th grade, I was around five feet and three inches, I was rather thin, but I was around 97 pounds then. So I don't think it's genetics.

Answer 1

It definitely sounds like anorexia. And if you don't do something now, it is only going to get worse. DO NOT take the wait and see approach. She is already severely underweight. Depending upon her height, she could be as much as 40 pounds underweight.
Call her family Dr. and let them know what is going on. Get a referral for a specialist dealing with the disease and get her into treatment.

Also, girls with this disease are very smart when trying to hide the problems. They will put on ankle weights before being weighed so it doesnt draw attention to themselves.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow, you are in a tough situation. Your daughter is so young and seems quite small for her age. Let me ask you a few questions to see if it can help you figure this one out. Is your daughter tired a lot? Does she seem irritable (more so than the average early teen)? Is she loosing a lot of hair in the shower or does her hair look lifeless? Has she gotten her period yet and does she still get it? Many of these are warning signs for someone who isn't eating enough. It can be a very senesitive issue. trust me I have been in her shoes. Unfortnutely, mine spout was later and I was in highschool which makes things a little different. You need to find away around to talk to your daughter so she doesn't feel like you are attacking her or accusing her of anything. I hated when my mom did that and it only built up some resentment. You cannot force her to eat but you can tip toe around the issue and help her see how important it is for her to get the nutriants she needs. You can be there for her and try looking for other signs to see why she doesn't feel the need to eat. What woke me up was that my mom finally said to me that if I don't start putting more weight on than I might not be able to have children. I know your daughter is a little young to be thinking about that but there are long term effects if she is anorexic. For me too what didn't help me break the habbit was when people told me how thin or skinny I was. That's what I wanted to hear so I thought I was doing something right. One other idea is to call the guidance counselor at school or her doctor and see what ideas they have. You can also try doing a search on the internet or finding a message board that you can talk with other parents who are in your shoes. Once she realized that she has a problem everything will be okay. It worked for me. I have a 15 month old daughter and am 10 week pregnant with number 2. Good luck!! I hoped I helped a little.

Answer 3

Im now 16 and i know whats going on here. I was the same way at 13 and still struggle with it. First, she probably dosent want to admit it to you, if she truly is anorexic she wont admit it but she will have a certain "look" in her eyes. I cant describe it but u will know it. MAKE her stay at home for dinner and for the first few nights look at how much she eats naturally and dont say anything out of the norm. Watch the way she looks at her food, if she plays w/ it she's deciding what to do, her good conscious is probably telling her to eat but she knows she just CANT. After a few nights, if u notice her portions are smaller, she gets up to go to the bathroom or takes her food to her room (she is probably throwing it away or flushing it), make her stay at the table till she starts eating everything. Even after, she should stay and extra 20-30 min, keep her around by watching tv or a movie or something. The food will stay in her stomache. Tell her that u know whats going on and you will refuse to sit back and watch your daughter die, she's not healthy trust me. Do something fast
Has she always been this small throughtout her life? When did it first start? These are some things to consider
Good luck

Answer 4

I deal with anorexia on a daily basis. I have for about 6 years now...going on 7. No offense, but at 5'3" and 97 pounds...you were also very thin. My doc tells me that 107 is about the smallest I should be. I walk that line very carefully when the time comes to see him. I would hesitate to say take her to the ER, she's dying. I mean, I have been to 93 pounds and I am 5'3". It's not healthy, and yes, she IS slowly killing herself. However, really, other than putting in an IV to rehydrate you or seomthing, there is nothing the ER doctors can do. Been there, done that.

I would also not try to "force" her to eat. Been there, done that one too. Believe me, trying to force it will make things worse. Does she eat at home much? See, i can easily hide the fact I eat very little from my husband and family. I'll skip the details so as not to contribute to someone's problem. At least I can do that for someone....

Counseling did not work for me. If she truly has an eating disorder, she does need to have some nutritional counseling. Small meals several times a day...6-8 times a day, will help with things...if she can tolerate the food. I reached a point where I just was not hungry. At all. Did not get thirsty. At all. Encourage things like salad slowly. Not a lot of nutritional value there, but will get her stomach used to having food again. Try to get some protein powder to add to her food..like in her mashed potatoes. Things to drink like Ensure can be a simple way to add some calories.

I know maybe I'm not the most ideal person to ask help from, but please...feel free to get in touch with me via this site. I'll offer any inside information I can give you....those details I left out, so that maybe you can see those subtle things you aren't seeing now. I struggle...and am pregnant. I know where it started, and I don't know how to finish it, but my goal is to keep young women and men from developing this or having to go through it. It isn't fun...

best wishes on the outcome!! And please...feel free to email me...

Answer 5

This weight may be normal but I think that she definitely needs to gain some weight. I suggest having her eat dinner at home for at least a few nights a week and make sure she is eating enough and isn't purging afterwards. Without seeing her, it is hard to tell if that is a good weight, but I suggest having her see a doctor. Keep her in sports because personally I don't know what I would be without sports when I was in 7th grade and removing her from sports will most likely create many problems.

Answer 6

No I don't think so. Younger kids often way a little less because they have not totally developed hips, butts, boobs etc. Just make sure you take to her and she understands that as she develops she will gain a little weight that is not fat. Also growing tall. I doubt she is done growing and the pound she had gained might be from going up a little, make sure she understand that. Remember being a little worried about weight is a good thing. She will most likely stay fit her whole life. Just start now making sure she knows the right way to keep the pounds off.

Answer 7

She may just be a thin girl but I would keep an eye on here. If she has a workout planning schedule, that could be a sign that she's becoming obsessed with her looks and weight. If she appears to look thinner, talk to her and take her to a doctor to have them stress that if she develops an eatting disorder, she could possibly die if she takes it too far. Show her a picture of Nicole Richie. That would scare any girl into eatting more.

Answer 8

This is your statement: "She is thirteen and in the 7th grade. I've asked her where she has been going during dinner time, she usually says, "Oh I went to my friend's house, we ate dinner, very yummy."

Why is she leaving your house around dinner time to visit a friend? Why is she leaving your house?

YOU ARE THE MOM!!!! Talk to her teachers to see if there's a change in her behavior, gym/team coaches, take her to the doctor if you suspect something is wrong. Stop asking and START DOING!!!

Answer 9

First off, please don't judge me.
I am not anorexic, and I am 12, in the 7th grade, and I weigh 76 pounds. I am 4 '11. Now, she should weigh a little bit more than me, but I am just really active and naturally skinny. Stay with her for some meals, and protect her a little more.

Answer 10

sounds like she needs more supervision also. thirteen, has a boyfriend, you are not sure what she is doing or where she is at dinnertime. you need to set some ground rules. have her eat dinner at home. stay in sports but ditch the boyfriend. take her to the Dr and get their opinion on her weight. you need to take a more active role in parenting this child.