Ok, my mom doesn't make much money so it takes all she has to make ends meet. My sister is 15 & is always needing stuff (you know the typical teen things). I'm married & have my own household to pay for. I don't have kids yet but my husband & I are saving for a house. Well my sister needs some stuff for a project for school & her nor my mom have any money for it & I think they are hinting around to see if I will help pay. I don't mind but I already have my own stuff to pay for. My sister works as a hostess but doesn't make much so I told her I would buy her supplies if she would pay me back. She said she wouldn't have much in her check. Mom is saying she'll just put it on her credit card. Also, the phone that I use to have in my room at home (when I was still living with them) is now my sister's but I'm still paying the bill, which they pay me back BUT they are 2 months behind on that! Why am I feeling guilty??
2006-10-28 03:59:25 · 24 answers · asked by beachbum26 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are feeling guilty, because it's your family and you love them, and they are having it hard right now. If it were me, it would definately be wrong not to help my family, especially when they are trying to do all they can to make it. It would be different, if they weren't working and just being lazy. Be a good sister, and daughter, and help out when you can, you don't have to go as far as breaking the bank for them.
2006-10-28 04:08:29 · answer #1 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need some support from your husband. Run all this by him. Your mother's household is hers. Let her take care of it. If she needs financial help she'll find a way trust me. Take care of your own home and your husband. The phone in your old room, I would tell them they have another month on that, then disconnect it. If they can pay you, they can have it two months behind in their name.
If you want to help your sister, pay her to help you do something you would normally pay someone else to do?
What's the worst that can happen if you let them take care of their own issues? But, if your mother asks you for help then of course do what you can. I assume she was there for you when you needed her.
PS I put a couple thousand dollars in an account for my family. Just in case they "NEEDED" a loan. I considered it a gift. Just never told them that. The account is closed now. They didn't make any deposits.
2006-10-28 11:15:10 · answer #2 · answered by areyoukidding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feeling guilty because u are a loving person that doesn't know really what to do.I think what u are doing by making your sister pay u back is good.It will teach her responsibility.Just have her pay u like 5 or 10 dollars at a time.This way she will still have some money left over from her check. Plus remember that your sister is your moms child not yours. You paying the telephone bill is a very nice thing but if u do expect to get paid back then my advise to u is to have her put it in her name. Because sooner or later they are going to get so far behind they are not going to beable to catch up. So either you chalk it up as helping them out or u put it in your moms name.Helping your family is great but not if it is taking away from the family u have now.Good luck
2006-10-28 11:11:33 · answer #3 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You feel guilty because you are in a better position than they are. Tell your sister that she needs to get a job that gives her more hours. Go ahead and get the supplies for the school project for her, or if they are really expensive go in halvsies with your mom.
However, let them know that because you have your own bills to worry about that they need to take over the payments of that phone bill, or it needs to be shut off. You can't be responsible for a phone you don't use. She can use the same phone your mom uses. People that are strapped for cash don't need luxuries like extra phone lines.
2006-10-28 11:06:22 · answer #4 · answered by concretebrunette 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel bad and stop paying for stuff for them. Yes it is sad your mom doesnt make much money but she could always try to get a better job or work 2 jobs. And your 15 yr old sister could work more hours or get a better job too.
You have a husband now, your loyalty is to him and not your sister and mother. It is your mom's responsibility to take care of her own bills and your sister's bills. They probably will NEVER pay you back for anything. Just stay out of it and try to move away from them too.
2006-10-28 11:42:14 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they were maintaining the phone bill, I won't see a problem with loaning your sister the money.
See if they are willing to set up some type of payment plan( their offering on the phone bill would of been nice) - if they can and you are able to lend the money great. If they can't attempt to make some type of payment plan - you have no reason to feel guilty because you tried. Guilt is a reaction to helplessness - you currently don't see any options.
If she truly needs it for a school project , she could try talking to her teacher. Our school has some materials placed back in cases of hardship - teachers are aware things happen.
2006-10-28 11:11:57 · answer #6 · answered by Akkita 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should help when you can and if it won't make you miss any of your bills. My wife and I have been through some really tough times in the past 5 years and wouldn't have made it without help from our families. We have paid everyone back now,but I would help my family always if I could. They're family and you must stick together.Think about all the things your Mom did for you growing up. What if you didn't have supplies for a school project? Answer this and you will have your answer.
2006-10-28 11:06:15 · answer #7 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't. you have your own responsibilities to take care of..so they are not your problem anymore. i mean, you can help sometimes, but if they are depending on you then that's not good. because it's always a mother's responsibility to take care of her children. i mean, why don't you transfer the name of the phone to your sister's since she works anyway? and so if they're behind then it wouldn't be a problem. and if you're paying her phone bill you shouldn't worry about her project stuff.. she works, as you said. what does she do with her work money, she doesn't even pay for her phone bill. you said you are saving money for a house. so why don't you tell her that? i mean, she's so rude..(your sister) she asks too much, can't she understand that you don't have enough mone for her unnecessary needs! why don't you tell her that so she knows.
2006-10-28 11:05:19 · answer #8 · answered by iloveducks_99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im not sure why you are paying the bill on the phone unless you offered to do that.
you are feeling guilty because you are a nice person. you probably feel like you wish you could do more. im not bragging or trying to talk myself up but i feel that way all the time. people have told me all the time you are helping people and being a freind as much as you can - you can only do so much .. at least try to be happy about it. i can only suggest the same thing to you.
as for the school supplies, you or someone can simply go to the school and talk to someone about this situation. the schools responsibilty is to make sure students have an education and if she cant have one without these supplies... they should provide them for her. its worth a try i think
anyway i wish you good luck and hope you have a great day.
kristy
2006-10-28 11:04:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel guilty, you should feel taken advantage of. Typical teen things need to be put into perspective, must versus want. Eliminate the want from your sister's life for a while, put them both on a budget and if they can't pay you back for the phone in your sister's room, shut the darn thing off.
2006-10-28 11:08:21 · answer #10 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋