I have always had a difficult relationship with my dad although I can't really think why. I remember being punished a lot as a child quite harshly for minor things and learned to fear my father from a very young age. I was not a perfect child I often got in to mischief as a little girl but once I got the message that he was not to be messed with I watched my every step.
As a teenager I tried my hardest at school and with part time jobs to show him I was responsible and reliable but it seemed no matter what I always managed to wind him up somehow and nothing I did was good enough. I bit my tongue for years up until the day I was married and he made some comments about 'finally getting rid of me' he looked at my husband and said 'good luck mate, you'll need it with her' and you could see from his face and tone of voice it was not a joke. I looked at him and just said I want you to leave I dont want you here and he did so without saying a word and my mum ended up giving me away.
2006-10-28 03:37:50 · 34 answers · asked by Smoochy Poochy 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We had no contact for about 6 months after until I found out I was pregnant and thought I could use the good news to build some bridges. He was not really interested but came to see the baby when he was born. He has shown little interest since then now I am pregnant for the second time and hate that my kids wont have a grandfather that cares about them, this is what makes me most angry that he is treating my child and probably the new baby too like lepars he just doesn't care. He seems to get on fine with my other sister and brother but has no time for me or my children, I am considering cutting him out of our lives for good and have talked to my mum about it (they are still married) but she just says she wants nothing to do with it and that I should get over the past. I don't want to be evil but I don't feel anything for this man as my father, I don't love him. what should I do?
2006-10-28 03:44:49 · update #1
I think there is something that they are not telling you...be prepared for finding out you are not really his daughter..I think this is why youre mum is not getting involved..Your mum has some serious explaining io do.
2006-10-28 13:46:35 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 10⤊ 3⤋
Sounds like you were just a normal child, you did nothing more than most kids, so why did you get punished such a lot........i can't answer why you father doesn't treat you like the other kids, and also your children, i think you maybe have to ask your father, what has been the problem all these years..........tell him that you think he hates you and your children, you really need to sort it out once and for all...........he was a complete idiot at your wedding, i feel for you, he must have hurt you badly, if this does not work, then you need to walk away, and don't look back, move on with your husband and children, they need you, he is not good enough to have your as a daughter and your children as his grandchildren, sweetie its his loss..............take care, good luck and god bless.
2006-10-31 14:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by donua1022 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart really goes out to you because it looks as though this
problem has been with you for many years.
Why your father dosn't like you is a real mystery and I don't think your mum is going to open up.
It must truly hurt you when she says things, like get over it, as it is the past.
The past may be the past,but it can have detrimental affects on our future.
Now, you are an adult lady, married with children and you are feeling it more now -- now, that you are a mother.
I don't believe any parent should hate their children. And I don't believe a parent should hate their children even if their children are rebelious or nasty.
It sounds to me as though you are a caring, sympathetic and sensitive person.
I believe you really need some answers and some closure.
I don't think you get can on with your life and just pretend it didn't happen. The fact that you have posted this question here tells me that it is truly hurting you and affecting your life greatly.
There has to come a day when you will have to approach your father and have some answers to this question so that you can have closure and get on with your life.
The answers may hurt you greatly and you are going to have to remain strong, but at least you will know once and for all and it may give you some closure.
I am interested to know where you are in the family - youngest, middle child or eldest.
Sometimes that makes a difference.
My own father disliked my sister a lot. She was born around the time when my father was studying and her constant crying annoyed him. He never dealt with this problem and just stopped studying and blamed it all on my more, innocent sister.
This was very immature and very selfish.
I am sorry this has happened to you and I can your pain.
If you feel as though you can approach your father, I would encourage you to do so.
Try and see him by yourself so that NO one else can butt in or
give answers on his behalf or your behalf.
You need to see him alone.
Cry out to him and tell him how your heart is aching. He needs to see the pain in your heart!!
Now, this is going to be very hard for you, but I would encourage you to tell him that you DO love him(despite the way you are feeling) and ALSO that you do forgive him.
I know you may think these are silly words for someone who is hurting like you, but they have power behind them.
Forgiving someone dosn't let them off the hook, but it releases your pain.
It may even soften his heart.
Have you sought outside counselling?
If all else fails, you may need some serious family relationship counselling to help you deal with this.
I wish you well and would love how it went, should you need to post any more questions.
Remember, you are indeed special, God loves you and that is
one of the best things to know.
You were never a mistake. You were born with a purpose
and you probably are a wonderful loving wife and mum! : )
2006-10-28 04:03:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you by personal expericne that I fell the same way about my father for years I always did what i thought he wanted and did the best i could.When my mother died i went to washington and took care of her for a week before she died.We had gotten into an argument because momma told the hospice care my dad was to rough.So two hours later i set her down to use the bathroom and he told me to go take a bath he would take care of this not momma but this!Understand this man took on my momma me and a brother and sister.WEll i was always her favorite but he seemed to hate me.to the point!
we went to oregon to scatter her ashes.She told me how and where and so forth but my dad wich i usually dont call him that and i got into a fight about my little sister why he babied her well,broke foot and all the draged me to the street and perseated to beat me.My brother rolled up and my dad went nuts on him.WE have seen each other maybe 4 times in the 6 years of her death.And i wont or ever will i forgive the coments about me or mine.He banished me from being there to scatter her ashes or let me have any for a memorie.least to say i went and bless my daughters heart she got me some ashes to her granfathers deisma.Some times there is nothing you can due. It may not be you I have decided it wasnt me it was the man she loved before him that got me treated the way i did.So feel sorry for youre dad he let go a good girl. YOU
Do what i did care for youre family and see him when it is absoutltly necasary and let him contact you.he will eventual for mine contacts me i dont him. he will always be youre dad but nothing says you have to love him just make sure you have room for like for blood is thicker than water and mine has no blood togetherive been married 24 years and would not change athing
2006-10-28 03:49:54 · answer #4 · answered by furby_lost 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can honestly relate to how you are feeling, I have never had a wonderful relationship with my father either.
My brother was always the great one and i was the disappointment.
We have a better relationship now that i am older and i have moved out of home, I can tolerate dad for about 15 minutes than i will have to leave the room for a short while.
The trouble is we only have one dad and i worry about what it will be like once he has gone has my dad is dying with heart failure so i do really try to make the effort with him, If he does not try with me at least i know that i have tried with him and i did not give up, at least i will not be the one with the regrets
I don't agree that your dad hates you but maybe its just the case that you are his little girl and now that you are married you may not need him anymore.
I would talk to him and tell him how you feel and assure him that you love him.
I hope that this improves with you and good luck
2006-10-28 03:47:34 · answer #5 · answered by blondegirl 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are a normal person and your dad just has anger problems. Just get on with life and don't let him put you down. None of this is your fault. You deserve to be happy. Your future with yourself is what you want to be working on. If he hates you, just let him, you have better things to worry about.
Don't feel bad about yourself, live life and enjoy it!
2014-10-05 03:57:10 · answer #6 · answered by Vanisha 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO way!!! I would have said he was joking cos my Dad says stuff like that too but after hearing that he catually left your wedding well he couldnlt have been then or thats taking the joke too far! I have no idea why he is like that. I'd let him get on with it - I would be well pis*ed off he walked out of my wedding so wouldnlt want to talk to him anyway. YOu could ask him why he's such a git and see what he says. Or donlt bother with him its up to you. Personally I would ask him about it - just say "Dad why are you always so horrible to me" and see what he says. Then you'll know. Good LUck.
2006-10-28 03:44:59 · answer #7 · answered by Katie G 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm reading this as I'm tearing up after an unsuccessful apology to my dad right now.. I know exactly how you feel.. And I myself am considering in moving out.. I'm 18.. And I've been physically abused, so has my brother, and verbally abused always even if I'm 18. It sucks.. Sometimes I wish I never had a dad, like he would've left my mom. Unfortunately, I've never had a nice relationship with my dad sadly.. Don't feel bad for cutting him off, you gave him too many chances.. however, don't turn him down if he comes looking for you.
2014-01-30 22:25:35 · answer #8 · answered by holi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you, maybe your dad wanted a son and instead he got a daughter. I think you are much better off wthout him, so long as you still have your mum, you will be OK. Just remember, if your dad carries on with an attitude like that, he will grow to be a lonely old man. You have everything, a loving mum and a wonderful husband, so at least you have somebody. Take care. X
2006-10-28 03:42:51 · answer #9 · answered by angelswings 3 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't matter what kind of child you were, good or bad, he should love you no matter what and always be there for you. It's absolutely cruel of him to behave like that. As I think nobody deserves such a father you should just try and ignore him. I know it will be difficult especially that he lives with your mother, but next time he says another stupid comment just laugh into his face and tell him that you how pathetic he is. You don't want such a grandfather for your baby, do you?
2006-10-28 03:44:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
My father was too much of a coward so i never had this problem because he was never around. You shouldn't have to roll over backward to please anyone, i don't care who they are. You need to talk to him and see exactly what his problem is because obviously it's not you, it's him! I'm sure he doesn't hate you but the two of you really need to work this out. One day he'll be gone and you'll regret it! I never had closure with my father this past Christmas he lost his battle due to cancer and even though i never had a chance to be close with him i still cry myself to sleep. Don't give up on him if you do you'll never live it down. Talk to him and go from there.
2006-10-28 03:48:03 · answer #11 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋