My sister and I do not see eye to eye. She is 46, I am 44. Have I done enough? read on for more info?

Question

My girls inherited, this past year, the estate she wanted. They are very young so it will be put into a trust account. I had told her before, that if I were to inherit the estate, I would share. Now I cant do that and I will protect what belongs to my kids. She has said some horrible things to all extended family members...so I no longer speak to her. I just found out that she has found a lump in her breast. I wrote her a note stating that I was sorry to hear that she has some medical concerns and that I hope she will be alright. Is this enough? I don't want to feel bad if things go bad for her, yet I do not care to reconnect either. We have not had a close relationship for many years. what are your thoughts?

Just a bit more information: My great aunt who died was 92 years old. She had no children, he husband, siblings and all nieces and nephews all precedded her in death. There were nineteen in our gerneration and many in the next. My sister only gave my Aunt greif. She stopped there seldom, and when she did it was only to chew on her. There was no love between them. I was the only family member that visited often...some just during Thanksgiving week. She loved my kids. IF my Aunt would have left the estate to me, I would have shared....but it is not mine to share. We cannot touch it and it will be up to the court...for at least the next twelve years to decide how to invest for my kids. BK1 said I should write a check and give her half. What planet do you live on? I have worked hard, paid my own way through college and do not owe anyone a free ride. my Aunt didn't leave it to her for a reason...why should I change that. Thanks to the rest of you. I will take it to heart.

Medical update: She does NOT have cancer

Answer 1

Well sweetheart the bible does say to let brotherly love continue. Love is what love does not what it says. I'm sorry to hear that you and your sister's relationship is on bad terms. First we have to remember that you two are sisters. No matter what happens in life, you should never let anything come between the two of you. Even though you all had a dispute over the estate it should not have separated the two of you. Sure we all have our disaggreements and quarrels but to let it cause a separation is mere stiffheartedness. Lets look at it this way: Money, clothes, houses, land, cars, and etc. all comes with a price, but love between family members is priceless. Material things can sometimes get the best of people and its not worth it. One of you has to be the bigger person. Now if she wants to be selfish about the matter, why be selfish like her. Stand up and be the bigger woman by being there for your sister in her time of illness no matter what has happened between you all. We have to also remember FORGIVENESS. You stated that your sister said some horrible things to other family members. So what! Get over it. Jesus said that we must forgive seventy times seven in a days time. Thats no reason not to speak to her sweetheart. We never know when our life is going to end. Yours could end before her life does or hers could end before yours does. So why would either of you want that left on your conscience if one of you died. Honey please take my advice and resolve things with your sister. Love is priceless. Another thing I'd like to say, please forgive you sister for the things she's done or said and if you have done anything, ask her to forgive you. It doesn't hurt to say I'm sorry. Even when we haven't done anything its okay to say I'm sorry. God forgives us for all our sins but He also said that if we don't forgive people, neither will he forgive us for our sins. Get rid of the bitterness out of your heart and try to reconnect with your sister. I pray this advice helps you. Good Luck.

Answer 2

A note?! That is your sister and you wrote her a note like she was a co-worker or friend. She has a lump in her breast, that is past a "medical concern" she is having thoughts of dying right now. Whatever you went through in your past step-up and be the bigger woman. She needs you right now. If she was to leave this world 2day or 2morrow you would hold that guilt deep in your heart because you never made amends. You are being selfish when it comes 2 the estate. Yes it was left 4 your kids and you have right 2 protect that. If you really wanted 2 share you would have used your own money(got a loan if you had 2) and gave her half of what the kids received. Every1 would have been happy around the board. Your kids will see more money that was left 2 them when all is said and done. You will also reap from the money, watching your kids graduate college(if that's what they choose 2 do with it) or the kids splurging and buying mommy a nice present when they get older. What did your sister get? Nothing from the estate, a sister who doesn't want 2 be bothered , the possibility of dying and a weak note like she was a stranger.
I will pray for your family & that you would do the right thing and help your sister in her time of need.
Make new memories and work from there, for 2morrow is not promised 2 no1, you don't want your last memories to be bitter ones.

Answer 3

She is being very selfish in regards to the estate mentioned. You had no control over that. Your children received it because it was left to them, and that was the wishes of the deceased. I would go and talk with her, Life is just to short and she may not make it through. I hope and pray she does, however, you know it could be very serious. So, you should make the move and try to talk to her. When she brings up the inheritance just explain to her, it was not your decision, the person she should be angry with is dead. Bottom line. And move on from that, tell her you wish not discuss the matter any further. It is a done deal. You are there to support her and that is it. Sometimes God intervenes to wake us up and make us realize we are being very silly, her being so angry with you is really selfish and silly. And if you think you could live the rest of your life guilt free if you do not go to her and offer her support well than you have your answer. Good luck to you. I would do some serious soul searching and praying, and God will give you the strength, courage,wisdom and understanding to deal with her. God bless

Answer 4

Wow, this is a tough one because there is nothing more important than family. It's a real shame when the topic of money is enough to drive it apart.

However, I think you are right in your decision to protect what is to go to your children. Although she was family to you before your children were here, your RESPONSIBILITY lies in your being their mother...would she do any differently? Obviously the family member who left it to them wanted THEM to have it and didn't feel the need to distribute to "everyone". Your sister is going to have to realize that if she wants to be discouraged with anybody, she should be so at the person who made those arrangements....afterall, you didn't get anything of it either...it's for your kids. Her being older, maybe she thought she was more entitled?

With that being said, I think that in light of her new-found medical condition....this would be the worst time for you to shut the door on her. Yeah, she was mad and said some hurtful things, but that was because she didn't know where to direct her anger correctly. But now she is going to be going through something very difficult and having family around her is going to be pivotal in her recovery.

Instead of refrencing your relationship with her as it has been since the bad started, think about when you 2 were younger....when you were "SISTERS". Somebody is going to have to be the bigger person here, and I'm sure you would never be able to forgive yourself if something terrible happened and the last contact you had with her was a short note saying "sorry to hear about your medical concerns...hope you're ok."

Answer 5

By the very fact that you have written this letter, you are telling everyone that you really do want to reconnect with your sister, or you want everyone to give you comfort that you are making the right decision in not reconnecting with her.

I was raised in a family where my brothers and sisters cared for each other. That is not to say we had disagreements and arguments or that we accepted their failures. Rather, we supported each other through the good times and bad times and let them know that each were important to us in their own way. Now, out of five children there are only three of us left.Each of us know that we will be there for continued support, regardless of our differences. Do not let the past keep you from reconnecting with your sister. Go to her and offer your support in person, not in some cold business form letter. If she declines, continue your efforts to help her.

Answer 6

I think you should call her up and try to work things out. Why did you tell her she would get a part of the estate and now change your mind? She may not be around long and she is your sister so you might try to talk to her and explain why you could not give her a part of the estate, then if she refuses to talk to you and be nice, you would know that you did your best to reconnect with her and she didn't want it. Goodluck.

Answer 7

No one is entitled to any bequest. The wishes of the party that wrote the will should be honored. They left the estate to your kids- it IS your kids'. Perhaps you should write her a letter. Just a note expressing your regrets at her problem.

Answer 8

I think you've done the right thing by acknowledging her illness. That's enough. She needs to understand you had no choice in the inheritance issue and accept that.

Answer 9

feel very sad that issues in familes seperteus, i am the same with my siste,i loveher but we are so different.good luck

Answer 10

That's a good thing that you have done this might change thing between you and her.