My parent's won't let me out! so over protective!?

Question

i am seventeen years old with really strict parents! literally! i can't go to a gym which is a 5 minute walkl from my house! but that is not the problem. i want to go to concerts with my friends but they (parents) won't let me. even when i want to go to go with my sister they make me feel bad. (because they wait up for me and they complain of sleep deprivation or something) i just don't get it! i bought tickets to a concert that costed me an arm and a leg (it means soo much to me to see them though!!!) i don't kno what to say to them...the gig is coming in a couple of months.. my sister isn;t going..actually i'm going by myself! i have plans of telling them i'm going with my friend (one that they trust) she's aware of what i'm going to do too... it's just that i don;t want to keep lying to them.. this sucks! my Dad is a tyrant who isn't about fairness but just lectures me all the time! i'm scared of talking to them about it..
what can i do? any suggestions is good

Answer 1

Sneaking out or lying will only add to their distrust. I agree they are the extreme, and it is a fact that those who are very strict will lose control of their children through lying and sneaking. I have three children and feel I have be very fair..I trust them to make their own mistakes. Once made I pull back and they are monitored more. Strictness makes the children rebel and they will do what they want anyway.
I let my children know that any bad decisions they make, they will have to live with. Once a child is 15 or so let them make some of their own decisions..
Saying this, my kids always had curfews and i was a stickler with them. When they were 18, the curfews stopped but they had to let me know when they came home. If not they had to call.

My suggestion to you is to talk with someone outside of family. I would say your parents (even though are well meaning) have control issues they need to work out. But in meantime do not give them any reason to distrust you more.

Answer 2

Whew! I thought it was my daughter writing until I saw the age. She is actually one year older than you. Despite what our children believe, we (the parents) do not get any joy out of telling our kids "no". Life would be so much easier if we could tell you yes to everything. But we would not be good parents if we did. The only thing I can say is one day you may be lucky enough to be blessed with children and you will understand the entire process. You will see that as parents, we are trying our best to prepare you for the world (and we still can not prepare you for everything). Sometimes parents see something in your friends that you do not see, sometimes parents will read about something in the news that happened to someone else child that we do not want to happen to our children and sometimes parents find if hard to believe that you are growing up and will be leaving the nest soon. The only advice I can give you is to keep talking...even if your parents don't seem to be listening..they are listening. Be trustworthy and a good example for your sister. Do good in school and if all else fails buy a ticket to the concert for your parents. After that experience they will not want to go with you again and will probably let you go.

Answer 3

Well kiddo, I know it sucks right now, but when you have your own kids and experiance the love a mother has for her child, only then will you "truly" get it. Every parents worst fear is something will happen to their child. 2 of my kids are pre-teens and I am already having seperation anxiety. Rationally I know I am being over-protective, but as a mom, I just can't help myself. I agree that your parents need to lighten up a little, but then again I don't know your track record or other factors in their reasoning. Please do not lie to them..You want to GAIN their trust not give them more reason to think you are not responsible. And PLEASE do not go off to some concert by yourself. It is really not safe remember the *Buddy System"???? Be mature and sit down and try to talk with your parents. They may react by lecturing, but hear them out, try to remain calm and state your case. Even if you don't get the answer that you want, still remain calm and accept it. This will show your maturity and maybe next time they might remember that. If not remember you are their responsibility until you become of age and while you are living with them you must still respect their rules. It won't be long until you will be out of their house, working and living on your own. (I know you may be working now, but it is a whole different ball game when you are supporting yourself completly) And then you will be making all the choices in your life. Hang in there
lynn

Answer 4

I agree with Purple. They have good reasons for being strict. My parents were strict also. You will see the reason as you get older. I literally lived next to the school, and I had to ride the bus. Get that one. Anyway, Never never lie to your parents. You are feeling guilty for lying for a reason. It is wrong. They will find out and your relationship will not get any better. As Purple said, they will mistrust you. You are still under their roof and you need to respect them and their rules. You are almost 18. You will understand more when you are out on your own. It really is a cruel world. Sit down with them and tell them. You need to tell them the truth and take responsibility for your actions. You are not a little girl any more. Show them how mature you really are. You know you will get a lecture, you will deserve it for lying. Your relationship with your parents is far worth more than any concert. They will not be around for ever. I miss my mother. She died almost 7 years ago at age of 55. She got cancer at 52. Cherish them and what they say. Talk with them and compromise.

Answer 5

Sounds like your parents do love you, and may have good reason to be so strict, especially since you do lie to them. Try to sit down and have a talk with them, see if they'll agree to letting you attend the concert. You should not go to the concert alone! Since your parents appear concerned about your personal safety, you need to come up with a plan that will ensure you're safe. Something to remember, not all kids have someone to care about them!

Answer 6

Parents can be overbearing sometimes. But have you considered that they have good reason for limiting your activities? Have you tried talking with them? I don't mean arguing, really having a calm conversation about why they are holding you back? Believe me when I say that there are such cruel and bad people in this world, that are only out there waiting for you. You may not think it can happen to you, but it can. And bad things happen in a heartbeat, and it's too late. How do you think you parents would feel if they let you go out and something really bad happened. Would you want them to feel bad and guilty for the rest of their lives? I'm trying to get you to see a little of what a parent worries about when it comes to their children. Believe me, it is a 24/7 job for a parent.

Maybe you could have a conversation about how you can provide them the confidence they need to let you go. Maybe it's shopping alone for 2 hours to start. You need to build up the trust level with them that you can handle yourself alone. Maybe consider taking some self-defense classes. Give it a try, what have you go to lose? Your parents really only want to protect you. They really do know what bad things are out there just waiting for that pretty little thing to come out. Be careful, respect your parents, be good to yourself. HUGS

Answer 7

They do it because they care about you. And don't lie to them, not a good thing at all. that will only cause them to mistrust you even more and eventually keep an even TIGHTER rein on you. How about consulting with your parents before buying tickets next time? Or maybe even asking one of them (yes, I know so uncool) to go with you? It might be uncool, but at least they wouldn't have to worry so much, and you can go to the concert (that is, if the concert is the real reason you are wanting to go>)

Answer 8

Time to be more assertive and tell them you are not a child and will no longer follow all their rules. You are a young woman who needs to experience life. You did not just turn 17 yesterday you are rapidly approaching 18 when you will be a legal adult, your parents must be made to realize this as you are free to do as you wish now.

Answer 9

this is a tuff one, because I'm a strict parent..not as bad as yours i could say. let me tell you what i have told my niece*who's mother i feel is a tyrant) make her trust YOU, your parents have to see that you have good head on your shoulders. listen to them tell them you understand why they are so hard on you. tell them you agree that its so bad out there, you don't want no part of whats going on in the world(the bad stuff anyways). but you have to talk to them. say to them "i want you to see that I'm a good person, and i wont involve myself in trouble"
now i have to say something on the side of your parents, be care full, because we as parents know how crazy it is out there in the world and all we want is to protect our kids. sometimes we go alittle overboard, and push them right out of the house.
just remember that you ll soon be 18
God bless and becarefull out there

Answer 10

my parents used to be like that. i stood my ground, though, and i got respect for doing that. get a job, and tell them you can do what you like with the money from it. they obviously care about you but at 17 you need to shift the balance. you're not a little girl anymore.