My mum is an alcoholic..?

Question

Hi My mum was crying today first thing I woke up in the morning and told me she was an alcoholic. She's saing horrible things like : 'You don't care' 'Nobody loves me' but guys really, we do and were trying to talk to her about the problem many times in the past. Now I'm scared to leave the house 'cause I worry about her so much.. She don't wanna hear about the therapy, says she doesn't need any help. What to do??

I feel so sorry for her and I think it's somehow my fault.. I have a 14 years old sister and I don't want her to go through the same!

Answer 1

First and most important, your mother's problems are NOT the fault of you and your sister, no matter what she says.

Alcoholism is an illness, and people who are caught up in it say and do things that they wouldn't normally. The fact that she is admitting that she has a problem is a good sign, but she has to be the one who decides to do something about it. You can be supportive etc., but you can't make her seek help if she won't.

I know it's hard because she's your Mum, but you have to make it clear to her that there's only so much that you're prepared to do to help her - she's an adult, and if she wants help she needs to go and seek it.

I suggest you call AA. They have a line specifically to offer advice to the families of alcoholics, and they can offer you much more support and advice than we can.

I'm sending you and your sister lots of love - I know how hard this is for you both. My mother was an alcoholic, and she died when I was 12.

And remember, NONE of this is your fault. xxx

Answer 2

Sweety, there is not much you can do (and it is not your fault) - she needs to do it for herself. Be there for her and keep telling her you love her and want her to get well again (i am sure she is embarrassed and scared, she has made the first step!).
She really needs to get help from professionals - AA, G.P, Samaritan's (anyone who understands the pain and struggle she WILL be going through if she tries to stop).
Tell her your concerns and worries for her at that it is out of true love that you are talking to her. Alcohol and drug dependence's messes with the head and people say things they don't mean but it doesn't make what they say hurt any less when you hear it. Chin up and look after yourself and your sister - sadly it sounds like you have had to grow up to quickly and take on a heavy burden at a young age.

Remember there are place you can go for support if YOU need it - you have to keep your mental health under check to!

Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, it is not your fault or your sister's fault and you should not feel guilty in any way. She has a problem and she needs to deal with it.. It is hard to get an alcoholic to do anything to help themselves because they can't stand the thought that they will have to put the bottle down. Most of them will choose the bottle over family, friends, work, anything. If your father is not in the home, you might try calling child protective services and talking with a counselor or talking with the counselor at school or even talking with someone at Comprehensive Care in your area. There is usually a vocational rehabilitation office in your area also. Try some of these. If there is a relative you can talk to, try talking to someone else in your extended family to see if they can get her to get help for herself or if she has any friends that would be concerned enough to help her. Just remember, it is not your fault nor is it your sister's fault. Good luck to you and your family in the future.

Answer 4

One good thing, she admitted she is an alcoholic..
The drinking is her choice, her crutch and her way of coping.
You nor your siblings have anything to do with it. You are the victims living in the same household with addiction.
You need to get to ALATEEN and take your sister there too.
It is very important that you learn what is going on with your Mom and talk to people who can help you be strong in life ...
If she doesn't want to do the treatment, then she is not ready, she would probably fail, if pushed
You have to let her cry and feel sorry for herself. She knows deep down you love her, she is crying because she is feeling sorry for herself and trying to blame her problem on everyone else. It is a pure guilt trip living with an alcoholic...believe me.....
You must carry on and help your sister . You should be a good role model for her and get her involved in youth groups or whatever.. somewhere where she has an outlet for her frustration and feelings... She may be only 14, but she sees all...
You must go to school. get a good education and pick up the slack around home so that things get done. You must try to keep things as normal as possible for your sister and yourself. She should be involved in keeping the house and chores up to snuff. She needs to learn to be independent and able to stand on her own two feet when she is an adult.She needs to learn to cope with life....
Please look into Alateen,. it is a wonderful and helpful organization. You can chose to or not , to let your Mom know you are going.
If you tell her, she will probably put up a big stink. If you have to get an aunt involved that will help you get to where you need to go...Do not feel you are giving up on her or abandoning her... you are helping :"you" and "your sister". do it

Answer 5

I cant imagine how life must be for you, it's not your fault, you must believe that. There's not much you can do, i know you're worried about her but she wont stop this untill she's ready. Why should you and your sister suffer? Phone alcoholics annonymous and ask if they have any support groups for the families of alcoholics, afterall, they need help too. Take care, and remember you have your own life to live.

Answer 6

loveeeexx

Your mother has a disease, but the good news is that although not totally curable there are a lot of things that can be done, but she will need yours and the rest of the families help, and it looks like you have already started, good job! The first step is that she has admitted it to you, and you need to tell her that that is a big first step, if your dad or another adult is not around you need to find a close relative that you can trust and get them involved, you need to convince your mother to seek help and you can feed off the fact that she has already taken a big step, but remember this is very hard for her, and to not be upset when she drinks and never take your support away, also try getting online and doing searches for "alchoholism help" etc. the internet is full of help, also contact alchoholics anonymous and get information, it is hard for an alcoholic to seek their own help so you must be strong and do as much for your mother as you can, good luck and don't forget to get an adult involved to help!

Answer 7

Do you have any other relatives...perhaps an aunt ofr uncle who may be able to sit down with you all. This needs talked about. Nothing can happen in the positive sense until your mum is prepared to admit she needs help and is prepared to undertake a programme to help her come off drink. AA is a good organisation. Maybe speak to someone there before you all sit round the table so you can suggest things with firm knowledge of what you say.

Answer 8

Looks like your mum is finally seeing sense.Her 1st hurdle was admitting she is an alcoholic which she has now done .Talk to her about AA meetings remember take 1 day at a time .With help from her loved ones she can beat this and get back to being your mother that you love.

Answer 9

Wow! To be honest I grew up like that myself & I don't know what to say. If your mom won't help herself I think you should help you & your sister as much as possible by finding postive things to focus on in your life. Is there any way that you could stay with a relative until mom's gets help that is way past over due?. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

It is so not your fault! Don't ever think like that! This is a problem that your mother has, not a problem that you caused. She may not want therapy, but she definetely needs in some sort of alcohol rehab center. Good luck!