Helping my 9 year old daughter feel loved?

Question

First let me say that I have four beautiful children and one on the way. One of my twins is becoming a hypercondriac, everyday in the morning before school she claims she doesn't feel well. When I take her to the Doctor he says she's fine. She has even began caring a thermometer in her purse to check her temp every day.

I sincerely feel that she needs more attention and am not sure how to give it to her. I work full time and when I'm home it seems like we never have enough time together and definitely not alone time. Any suggestion on how I can make her feel more loved and help break this cycle?

Answer 1

Both of you and your husband should try best to set aside specific, uninterrupted special time with her. [With each child actually.] Even fifteen minutes a day can make a big difference, and remember to try to do things *she* likes to do, not what your willing to do [ I struggle with that one myself]. It's hard, but having bigger problems later on is harder.
And it sounds like something a bit more serious than extra attention, maybe ask school counselor?

Answer 2

Maybe there's something going on at school that she doesn't want to tell you, so she makes up excuses not to go.

As far as giving her more attention, there are plenty of ways even though you work. Let her help you cook dinner, wash the dishes together, fold clothes, etc. and use that time to talk to her.

Another thing I read about in a magazine is keep a journal just between you and her. Whenever she has a problem that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about, face to face, have her write it in the journal and put it by your bed. Then you answer it and give it back.

Answer 3

Hi, being a mum with more than one I have learned how children can play ill if being bullied at school, or simply hate school.
One of my children hates school, and she has played every trick in the book and pulled the wool over my eyes many times to get off school. I have had to be tough mum because I can't afford to end up in court because of it.

Some of my kids has been bullied throughout school, and played sick to avoid school. Bullying can make a child ill, and even suicidal so I would advise talking to your daughter to try and discover the roots to the problem.

Some children can't express themselves so well, and a great way to help a child to express love other than to you and those close is a pet. One they care for and the animal can show the love back, like a dog. One of her own, I have found this great with one of my children who had difficulty in expressing his love-he absolutely adores his little Bella Boos and she does him.
Lots of love and cuddles will help although one of my daughters was also seeking attention and was extremely hard work when she was younger. I got told she should have been an only child, the more I gave the more she craved but she had to learn that my time and love is divided between all and no favourites. It can cause sibling jealousy and it can be hard to find that balance for them all to feel loved equally when got one or more needing that extra attention, the pet does help and so does understanding, both ways.
Talk to her, so she understands you, and listen so you do her-you'll be fine

I wish you luck, and God Bless You and your family xxx

Answer 4

i bet she is the middle child? i have a little girl that is in the middle of 2 boys, and i have really got to watch it.as far as time, i no how you feel there. im full time worker and raising my children the dad is theree when he wants to be. other then that he has his own life. when you go shopping for groceries take only her. get kids vitimians, and give her one first in the morning, and tell her that the vit. is going to make sure she isnt running a fever or it lets her have a great day, if all your kids are in school, have a girl day out. go yard saling, or pretty girl day out, by her some lip gloss.let her pick the color. i hope this helps life can be really tough in parent hood.l take care

Answer 5

If the others are doing ok, I would start there. I would explain to them in a very fundamental way that the 9 year old is having a hard time. Involving them will prove to be very useful. Kids love to help. (in certain times). Explain to them that you need to spend a little extra time with her each day to help her get better. I would dedicate an hour a day to her no matter what. If you don't see an improvement in a few weeks, I would get her into counseling.
Good Luck,
~T~

Answer 6

Since you have a baby coming, maybe at night, you can tuck her into bed and talk to her about the new baby coming. Let her feel your stomach: children enjoy feeling the kicks from inside. On your next day off, take her to school, and maybe help in her class. Or tell her you want to make a cake or brownies or something and tell her that you need a "helper."

Answer 7

I could have wrote that question, you sound like me! I have 3 girls 13, 12 & 10. My 12 year old "feels ill" every morning before school, I said it was too often for me to believe and if she was ill the school could contact me and i'd collect her. She started to say she was ill on Friday nights, dragged it out all weekend to Monday morning, so I took her to the Dr's who did blood tests etc and said she was fine. Since the blood test she hasn't said it as much but now is very "huggy" every time she sees me she hugs me. I also work FT but am trying to spend as much time as poss with her, even if its only a trip to the shop or getting her to help with making the tea. You can't divide your time equally between them all so you have to get them to do things together, watch a movie together with pop and sweets, walk the dog together, or just clean house together let her choose her favorite cd and play it whilst your cleaning, you can have family sing along whilst cleaning house.

Answer 8

If it develop into me i might want to be very, very in touch about the actual undeniable actuality that your daughter has no compassion, no longer even for a kinfolk puppy. What she did is amazingly severe. She would not elect comforting. She desires a lengthy communicate about a thanks to address animals and folk with dignity and appreciate. i have raised 3 babies and 2 grandkids and by no skill might want to any of them have tried to punish an animal for hurting them. all of them knew, and distinctly at age 9, that animals on occasion scratch yet they do it because they're scared, or sense threatened. It makes me ask your self why the cat scratched her contained in the first position. What did she do to the cat to make it scratch her? i imagine you favor to be very in touch about this finished incident. i don't sense you favor to convenience your daughter. incredibly, you favor to attempt to coach her some compassion and empathy.

Answer 9

Time is so important.

Things I have done that helped......

Charts with stars....

everyday you go to school you are helping Mommy and helping yourself.....what do you want to be when you grow up? On the chart draw a small girl...her....and at the end her goal to becoming......put a star for everyday....
her reward could be every day she goes she earns points to do something special with Mommy....you decide on those rewards together. Going to dinner alone, getting a ice cream together, going to the park, riding bikes....just thoughts...

It really helped us.

I also tried to include her and gave extra points for helping with dinner; setting the table, helping cook, clearing the table.
They love to help at this age so its a major plus and when they hear that you couldn't do it without them or wow you really helped me it was such a busy day at work.....:O)
makes them feel important.


Good luck....:O)

Answer 10

its sound she is around a older person who is sick because she pick this up from some where any way i have 5 kids i try to make time and take only one out for breakfast so we can talk after they are done i tell rhem how much i enjoy my self and i love them so much and how much i care for them and i so proud of them also i give them the money to paid for the breakfast i tell tell i have to go to the bathroom because i am old they are sop happy to paid the bill good luck i work two jobs
but i always find time for them because they are god blessing