She makes snarky comments about him having little scratches on his fingers from digging in the dirt; she changes his haircut; she makes cutesy baby-talk to him - he's three; she sniffs at me when my porch is untidy; she changes his clothes the minute she gets hold of him; she says in a sing-song voice, Time to kiss mummy goodbye!; she comments tidily on how he eats EVERYTHING when he's at Daddy's house, while he's a bit picky with food for me; she doesn't tell me important things about his behaviour when he's with her. I know I am grateful that he is being well-cared-for at Daddy's house; but the woman drives me nuts. She always makes me feel like an inferior mother. Do other mothers feel this way about their kids' step-parents?
And yes, I am always very positive when I talk about her with my son, I know how important that is. But am I the only one here?
2006-10-27 18:56:03 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
why don't you two have a talk. you may still not like each other but perhaps you can both agree on how not to annoy each other.
2006-10-27 19:24:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, actually the kid can pick up on her attitude unconsiously, and honey that is a *lot* of attitude.
Don't let it get to you, but *do* bring it up with your Ex.
It's not healthy for the child to be suceptible to such a low and vindictive woman. If she's that spiteful when adults are around and that out of touch with reality as far as what is age appropriate she can only harm your son in the long run.
I would suggest a family councilor for her(and everyone so she doesn't see it as an attack), or perhaps a suggestion of a child Psychology or Child Development class as well. That she is treating a three year old like that is either a sign of ignorance or mental instability. Either way, time to nip this sour apple in the bud ASAP.
2006-10-28 02:03:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate people like that. I would talk to your Ex and set some ground rules and be direct with her. Tell her that you feel like she is trying to be a better mother to your son and competing with you over it. That it is hurtful when you point out negative things whenever your around. Tell her how grateful you are that she is so great with your son and you feel so relieved that when he isn't with you that he is getting wonderful care and love. I take it she doesn't have her own kids?
Also just chime in on her remarks..when she brags about how much he eats..chime back with I am so glad because he hardley eats for me...Once she sees you are positive about it and her remarks don't affect you the way she is hoping she'll give up. Also I think she is insecure and jealous of you...afterall you are the Mom and I bet your son talks about you all day long and she knows that you are more important to the him then she is.
I doubt she talks bad about you because if she did I guarantee your son would tell you.
2006-10-28 23:57:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she is a good listener, then maybe you could talk to her about how you feel. also include with the conversation how much you appreciate how good she is at taking care of YOUR son. i don't think it is right to have him change clothes and hair styles soon as he gets there. she's going to confuse the child, leaving him to be 2 different people in 1 little body. that's too much stress on a little one, and yes, children are tuned into such. include your ex with the issues, and let him know that all 3 of you need to work together on what is best for your child. good luck!
2006-10-28 02:07:13 · answer #4 · answered by Karen M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband's wife used to be Miss Sweetness until my daughter was old enough to speak her mind. Now that she's 16 and living with them, I get phone calls from his wife (without his knowledge) telling me about how they fight all of the time and either my daughter moves back home with me or the step-mom will turn her over to Family Services! I confronted my ex about this and the calls stopped immediately. My daughter is still with them, but it's because she's a Junior and is doing great in school and doesn't want to have to start over at another school.
Try talking to your ex and explain how you appreciate his wife's concern, but you really need to be kept more up to date with how your son is doing while he's away especially since he's so young.
Good luck!
2006-10-28 02:10:02 · answer #5 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I just focused on the fact that my boy had a brain and would work things out for himself.
Even more important, I was prepared to let him go temporarily, knowing that as long as he knew I loved him & I was good to him he'd keep coming back to me.
And he has.
We have an amazing relationship now.
My son turned 21 in 2004; his father sat down with me that night and admitted he & his wife had done me wrong for years. He apologised and asked for my forgiveness.
My best wishes to you Kakapobir..you'll be fine in the end!
2006-10-28 02:14:59 · answer #6 · answered by Chencha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's obviously so jealous of you. What a sad situation for your poor little boy. How can a marriage end by the time a baby's 3? Why is a 3 year old even allowed to be taken from his mother's side. What a terriblei terrible life for your son. :(
2006-10-28 02:05:47 · answer #7 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to like her. You just have to tolerate her.
She obviously feels threatened by you. She feels the need to show off around you and perhaps spoil the child because she wants to make a certain impression on her now-husband about being a "better" mother than you are.
But don't worry about it. She's insecure - she's the one wth the problem, not you. Just smile and nod. You have no need to encourage her with conversation.
2006-10-28 02:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope , it's not wrong. You don't have to like her and no-one should reasonable expect you to as long as you are civil..as least in front of your son.! so dont feel bad at all ! I only get a bit peeved when my son calls her mama Angie but i dont say anything or dwell on it cause i know no-one will ever take my place!
2006-10-28 02:03:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex's finance is a real ***** but I put up with her because she is good to my son. My advice take your ex aside and express your concerns. See you and him are the parents not her.Butfor the child's sake you must keep a good relationship with her. I still call my ex's mother everyday. She like my best friend.If i have a concern on my son I contact his father not her.Good luck
2006-10-28 05:20:56 · answer #10 · answered by redsnowykitten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you do not have to like her. Just try your best to get along. And you sound like a good mom to me so dont sweat the small stuff. I think she feels inferior to you that is why she feels the need to make all those comments
2006-10-28 02:00:45 · answer #11 · answered by Sandra K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋