Who pays when you go out? Do you go Dutch or take turns picking up the tab?

Question

As I get older and having more responsibility to deal with, such as car payment, rent, bill, etc.. I can't spend money as I would normally. However, I don't like the idea of going Dutch, each paying his or her own way, its feels so distant and formal. It makes me feel as if I was on a business event rather than just hanging out with the guys.

My question is, when you go out with a group of friends, let say 5 to 7 people, do you each pay for your own wanting or do someone from the group picks up the tab then as the night progress, others will take turn when the time comes.

How do you deal with it?

Answer 1

When we [my husband and I] go out, he will always foot every bill, though I have an independent income of my own : According to him, 'Chivalry ain't dead as yet !'
But when I go out with friends, I always insist on going Dutch - to ensure no one else is burdened with having to spend on me, and vice versa !

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with going Dutch in a situation where there are that many people. You will simply have to tell them that paying their own way will become policy before the next time you get together, so everyone has a heads up and no one will be stuck with insufficient funds.
Now, if you lose friends because of this, they were not your true friends but rather parasites. So, going Dutch will also help to weed out people who are just in it for freebies.

Answer 3

As you get older, this issue will become even more of a bummer. You will discover leeches in your midst. Women can be leeches too, but you may be getting something more out of them. The worst part is always having to play "accountant" with your friends, yet I have had to. If I could go back and do it all again, I would definitely suffer "going dutch" unless there was a reasonable arrangement in place. Trust your instincts, you'll know who's on the level and who's not. I'd say as a general rule: never pick up the whole tab unless you have a solid reason/justification for doing so. Beware: Young people can have really flimsy justifications.......Good luck!! it'll work itself out : )

Answer 4

Picking up the tab for 5-7 people can get a bit steep ... particularly if your're at a good sushi bar drinking bottle after bottle of Haiku or Tiara Over the Moon saki for example.

There is not a thing wrong with everybody paying their own part continuously. You need not finance the outing by yourself. I prefer Dutch -- unless I'm with a significant other ... then I want to pick up the tab so she can keep her money.

Answer 5

I work in a restraunt and notice a lot that if it's a larger party and it's business it's all one check. If it's family usualy one or two and if it's friends, almost always get separate checks. I'd say if you're all paying cash than divie it up yourself but otherwise ask for separate checks, it's not that big deal, I mean you can't afford to pick up a $80+ tab...that is unless you go out a lot, than maybe you should all take turns paying for it. Don't worry about it at all, it happens a lot to me and I don't mind as long as the people are patient waiting for their checks to come...you know it is a little bit more time consuming for servers to keep separate checks! Make sure you always tip 18-25%! :-) it'll come back around to you!

Answer 6

Decent sized group of friends...gotta go dutch...money is a fragile things and theres usually someone in the group who never wants to pay (that guy is usually me!! LoL) and it usually turns into some form of argument or resentment after so many times. Pick up ur own tab, no reason for any disagreements on the situation.......

Answer 7

Large group of friends, I'd have to say go Dutch, just because I have friends who would order the most expensive thing on the menu, and I hav other friends who will purposely pick the cheapest item because cash is tight that week, but we usually work it out before hand. If it's a small group that I regularly go out with, I'll pick up the tab one week, they'll pick it up the next week and so on.

Answer 8

Whoever asked gets to pay unless we agree on Dutch. If it's a group, one person pays while collecting money from everyone else for their cost.

Answer 9

Go dutch. I hate sitting there for ten minutes while people figure out how much they owe but it needs to be done because no one of us has the money to pay for all of us.

Answer 10

Talk to your friends before you go out and say the same thing you've said here. Make a decision among yourselves. As long as everyone agrees beforehand, no one's feelings will get hurt.

Answer 11

i'm in my early 20's- whenever I had groups of friends go to dinner or whatever together, we always paid our own bill or part of the bill. We can't afford to pay for everyone else either, so we always ordered what we wanted within our own budget and paid for ourselves.