We have a huge family and would like to include everyone, but we want an intimate, small reception that includes close family and friends. I also want to request that no children are brought to the reception. I don't mind them coming to the wedding, I just want the reception to have adults. It may sound mean, but I don't even want some of the family to be at the reception. We both have some super religious and conservative family members and I don't want to pay a couple thousand dollars to not have a good time. Let me know what you think!
2006-10-27 18:23:52 · 14 answers · asked by Flighty 1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Added Detail in reply to some posts: It is very stupid to have someone come to eat, but they cant come to see us married. Why would I pay money for someone to just come party? How is that backwards? Maybe you can donate money to the cause? It is easier to fill up my church with people that we have ever met, but not to find a hall to fill up and pay for people we hardly know!!! We are two 21 yr old college students! Not the Hiltons. Thanks anyways!
2006-10-27 18:39:49 · update #1
We are NOT asking or expecting gifts from people not coming to the reception. This day is called a wedding, not a reception. So the WEDDING is the most important thing. Seeing us get married. Sharing that with everyone is important. Not a party. That's just a bonus we are saving to have.
2006-10-27 18:42:38 · update #2
BEFORE I CHOOSE BEST ANSWER I wanted to let you guys know what I have choosen. We are saving money because my church is available to have the wedding in that day and is free. We re-met a friend of a friend. He catered that friends wedding and the food was divine. He also catered another event through the church. He is giving me a terrific deal on the food for all the people attending the wedding. All 125 of them. Because he is making it affordable, I can have everyone come to it AND have an after party after the parents and grandparents, etc have gone home or to the hotels. I am glad that I can do this, but I would still tell anyone that if you are having an off-site reception, you can choose who you would want to come. There is no one set answer for these type of things. Sometimes some people shouldn't or can't come for reasons beyond simply not wanting them there. So thanks to those for your honesty. I did give a positive rating for those who disagreed but was not rude.
2006-10-28 13:11:05 · update #3
It is bad manners to not extend your hospitality to people you are inviting to something. You cannot invite a large group of people to your ceremony and then send home 75 percent of them and then only extend hospitality (the reception, in other words) to a small sub-group of your invitees. That would be very rude.
If you cannot afford dinner for everyone invited to your wedding, then your reception should be simpler-- just cake and punch, for example. If your ceremony and reception are at a non-meal time of day, it is perfectly polite and legit to have a non-meal reception. Your inivtations should specify: "Cake-and-punch reception to follow."
Have your small-group, intimate dinner plans afterwards, and completely separate from the reception plans. Separate invitations and everything. Call it an "after-party" or "family dinner" or something. (And the people not invited to it should NOT know about it.) Just as an example: 2 p.m. ceremony, 3 p.m. cake and punch reception for all wedding guests in church hall, then all of those people depart at about 5. At 7 p.m., have a separate dinner-dance for just that close group of family you mentioned.
We are having a non-meal reception in mid-afternoon, too. It'll be a sort of canapes-and-dessert reception. Then later that night we are taking only the guests who travelled from out of state to a "Travelers' Dinner," totally separate from the regular reception plans.
2006-10-28 12:44:37 · answer #1 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sort of know where you're coming from. Married into a LARGE family. LOTS of relatives which can make it difficult to invite everyone. I've met people who have had a church ceremony, followed by a small cake/punch reception. The invitation I received also included info about the "after party" at the home of the groom's parents. A couple I knew got married in Las Vegas and upon their return had a casual BBQ at their new place. It was strictly for close friends and family. Do what YOU want to do. You are going to offend someone no matter what you end up doing. And, asking for NO CHILDREN at a reception is fine. There are nice ways to word your invitations just right. You'll find many samples on the internet.
2006-10-27 18:34:26 · answer #2 · answered by EV 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I have to simply reside in a laid-again facet of the sector, however in which I'm from this occurs at all times. I do not believe the common public will get as disillusioned approximately marriage ceremony etiquette because the the folks in this internet site. Sure, it is not excellent to simply be invited to the reception, however a marriage ceremony rite is an overly personal occasion in my brain. If you do not wish your moment cousins boyfriend who you may have not ever met to look at you get married, then have a personal rite. If someone has a concern with it, provide an explanation for you desired a household best intimate rite. If it is a large drawback to any person, they may be able to effectively opt for to not exhibit as much as your reception both. Honestly- it is you and your fiances day. You best get to do that as soon as, so make certain it is precisely the way you 2 wish it and do not fear approximately what others believe.
2016-09-01 03:48:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are going about this backwards, have an intimate ceremony if you wish and everyone should be allowed at the reception, how could you possibly tell someone NOT to attend the reception? If I were invited to a wedding but not to the reception there is no way I would go and I would have very hurt feelings if this were family. Elope if you don't want to hurt someone, and don't expect gifts from anyone either. The way you are thinking of going about it is going to hurt a lot of people. Re-think your plans.
2006-10-27 18:31:24 · answer #4 · answered by luluhinalbwi 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Ok, here's my take on this. It's your day!! Don't feel guilty for wanting it to be the way you want. I think you have struck on a good middle ground. Invite them all to the wedding (if you have the space) but do limit invites to the reception. It can get really expensive and if you want it to be small and intimate then that's how it should be. If anyone says anything you just let them know that you are happy they could come for your wedding but the reception is limited because of funds/space, they'll understand.
2006-10-27 18:29:23 · answer #5 · answered by jenieatworld 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it is. You maybe could re-think this. I believe whoever is invited to the ceremony should also be invited to the reception. If your budget is tight, just limit the total number, don't pick and choose who goes to what. For weddings, it's important that family and friends are there to witness the ceremony, but almost equally important that they be there to celebrate the event. Happy Wedding and Best Wishes to you!
2006-10-28 02:45:58 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to burst your bubble, but when it comes to weddings it's actually more important to invite people to the reception than the wedding. Yes weddings should be about the marriage and not the party but that's not how it is in the real world. It is beyond rude to invite people to your ceremony and not your reception. I completely understand that you don't want to invite kids and a ton of people to your reception; but you can't invite them to your ceremony either.
2006-10-27 20:10:38 · answer #7 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that's a great idea. The only thing though with makin rules like that is you have to follow them. a no children for example, that means no children period!!! You can't invite your best friends children and not your aunts you know. If you want a small weeding not inviting your 2 or 3 cousins is ok, it's nice that you want them to be there at the ceremony ... you want them to witness that exciting moment in your life. But with that rule, no 2-3 cousins once removed whatever it is ... u have to stick with it, u can't invite your 3rd cousin and not your 2nd. That would then create annomosity. Hope that helps :-)
2006-10-27 18:28:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you invite them to the ceremony, they must be invited to the reception. If you don't want them to celebrate with you, why would you expect them to sit in church and watch your service? However, you can invite people to the reception without inviting them to dinner. This is common practice.
2006-10-27 18:34:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
It sounds Fine to me!
There is a Tier List of who people class 'Close Friends' and 'Close Personal Friends'.
I'm quite sure that if you make this Known to them before the wedding it will be accepted without any problems!
2006-10-27 18:27:04 · answer #10 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋