Problem at Preschool, advice needed...?

Question

Since the 3rd day of school my daughter has been comming home complaining that a little boy has been spitting in her face. I told her to let the teachers know, after a month of this & no resolve (he now coughs in her face too) I said somrthing, they said they are trying to distract him, which I didn't understand. So today I pick up my daughter & she is crying, the teacher tells me her & a boy (doesn't tell me the name) were teasing eachother & her homework for the weekend is to think of 3 nice things she can say about the boy & tell the entire class. So I talk to my daughter & it is the same boy! He spit in her & her friends face & she wrongly told him to quit or he could not go to school & called him a freak, so I disaplined her. But why is my daughter being disaplined @ school & not him. My huuby wants to put her in a diffrent preschool since she now dreeds going to school, but I don't know if that will just teach her to run from her problems. PLEASE HELP, what shopuld I do?

I haved talked to the teacher about this, and his mother is last to drop off & last to pick up she won't even make eye contact w/ me. I waited all this time to have the teachers handle it, I figured it was there job, not mine I guess. It is a Christian school so they don't believ in telling parents anything negative, but they were neg. w/ me today!

There are 2 teachers in the class & one of them is the preschool director.

Answer 1

I don't believe as a general rule that you run away from your problems, but when it comes to your children, i think there is an exception to the rule. You have tried everything in your power to resolve this problem and nothing has been done to help your poor little girl. I would remove her from the school cause I don't think the way they are handling the situation is good enough. The last thing you want is for her to be dredding school at such a young age. My two little boys go to pre-school and they love going. I would seriously be looking into things if they didn't. She has been through enough and is being treated unfairly, move her to another school so she can have fun and not be traumatised by a little brat with no disapline in his life

Answer 2

Goodness, this is awful. Well, it sounds like you've already spoken to the teacher, now maybe you need to talk to the director. Let the director know the situation; that you've tried to resolve the issue with the teacher, but it's not getting any better. It's a touchy situation to ask the teacher if she has spoken with the parents of the boy. When you do talk with the director, be sure the teacher is there with you as a support of what you two have already tried to do. This way, the director could then speak with the parents of the boy to help detour him from such awful behavior.

In preschool and daycare, teachers are only allowed to distract children from bad behavior by having them play with something else or do something else. This what the teacher was talking about.

If nothing changes, then perhaps it would be best to change schools for your daughters sake. The teacher and the director must be supportive of good behavior and what is best for all children involved in their care. If this isn't so, then it would wise to move on. I don't think this will show her that she should run from problems, especially if she sees mommy and daddy going to bat for her.

Best to you!

Answer 3

I agree with the others. The preschool is wrong.

It sounds like you tried to teach your daughter to do the right thing. She told an adult about bullying rather than turning the situation into a fight with the boy. The adults didn't do anything. Finally, she decides to try to defend herself by saying something to him. For goodness sake, she didn't hit or spit back at him like other kids might do in the same situation. Now she gets disciplined??? All it sounds like she is learning is that teachers won't protect you from bullys AND it is wrong to try and defend herself.

Now, I agree that it is wrong to call someone a freak. But if you were at work and someone spit at you or coughed on you on purpose, I think that most people wouldn't be surprised if you responded with a few words.

Answer 4

Why make this a "Jewish" issue? This is a basic school administration issue. If your son is telling the truth, then the issue is with the teacher. Write a note and give a copy to the teacher and the director. Discuss the problem of persistance of the issue with the director and ask for solution. I must say, as the father of two wonderful kids who are now well past that age, and having been around all of their sweet friends, I can tell you with certainty that 4 year olds can have problems with separating wishes from reality. Its not that they lie as such. They just get unclear on what actualy happened. Kids get sick in school. Thats a fact of life. One kid sneazes, wipes his nose with his hand, then grabs a ball. Then your kid grabs the same ball. Happens all the time. FAR MORE important than colds -- If your child is asthmatic, you need to be comfortible with the teacher's ability to deal with an asthma atttack!!! If you think its about Jewishness, then you will always find something that "the Jews" are doing to you -- find a different school for the best interests of everyone concerned.

Answer 5

(Have you took it up with the other child's parents?)

There is a word for this: Bullying. Possibly gender harassment too.
It's gone beyond the point of a just a learning experience, what with repeated physical contact (spitting) and verbal mental abuse affecting (hurting) your child's psyche at a tender age.
Now your child is being blamed too -without justice for her!
Without justice, healing may be difficult
The school staff doesn't seem to be fixing it- what else could happen in the future that they wouldn't prevent?

I would do what your husband believes you should do and find another preschool. You shouldn't risk creating a lasting awful memory that may also color your child's school and learning and social outlook for many school years to come...and there are MANY years- just think of it: 18+!

Now, though, this affair has given you a standard to use to find a better school. The selection out there for preschools / childcare are notorious for running the full spectrum from good to bad and neglectful.

There is much discussion to be found on the internet about bullying.
For example,
http://www.dontlaugh.org/
http://content.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=1438

However, I strong suggest you avoid school counselors as the last site is suggesting. These days they may tend to take a medical approach, which can lead to scary directions: the possible burden on your child of a long-lasting label with a psychiatric diagnosis. And they may easily go toward pressuring you or forcing you to drug your child!

A couple of suggested sites:
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0815/is_2000_March/ai_59810048
http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1117651

Also, have you thought about home-schooling your child?
Many people are doing it these days.

Best Wishes.

Answer 6

i dont understand why you arent talking to the teachers and demanding this boy be reprimanded or moved away from her. I also dont get why you expected a preschooler to handle this herself and gave it a month for her to do so? Kids sometimes will tell parents what they dont feel comfortable discussing with their teachers, kwim? Spitting and coughing on her are just unacceptable, thats just not a safe health issue. if you want to know why shes being reprimanded and not the boy you really should be discussing this with her teachers.. you need an open line of communication with her teachers or you wont have a good experience in ANY preschool.

Answer 7

There needs to be an appointment set up with the teacher , you, and the the other parent. So that the problem is resolved quickly. The teacher is not doing her job when it is effecting other members of the class. And it is not negative to tell the child to stop doing something that is hurt someone else in anyway. And for your daughter, I would not punish her for standing up for her self, I would just tell that she may need to choose her words more carefully. And if it is not resolved if you can go above her head and talk to her Superior.

Answer 8

Where are the teachers while this is happening.Just be a little strict about the situation.They can make sure that your daughter and the boy don't work together,don't seat together.In other words they can keep them apart.Have they talked to the boys parents?Moving her to another school won't be a good idea.What if there is some other kid in the new school who doesn't get along with your daughter.How many times are you gonna move her?I blame the teachers.They should be watching them carefully.This isn't just happening within seconds.Specially when they know about it.Talk to the teachers.

Answer 9

It is the responsibility of the preschool to ensure that your child is protected and feels safe. That boy should be removed from the class. I think you should find a new school for your daughter too. You are not teaching her to run from her problems if you do that, you are teaching her that you love and protect her! Even if you decide to change your daughter's preschool, I think you should pursue having that boy removed from the class. He will just find somebody else to bully and his parents obviously need a wake-up call!

Answer 10

You need to go to the teacher on this one and tell her that she had no right to discipline your daughter for sticking up for herself. Tell her everything that's been going on with your daughter and this boy. Then she needs to know how your daughter feels about coming to school. Next she needs to know that if this continues you will remove her from that school. This could ruin your daughters out look on school and make sending her to kindergarten a real challenge. She your girl and you and your husband are the only ones that are going to stand-up for her. Just be clear and to the point with the teacher.

Christian school or not the boy should be removed. Negative is negative and if her boy is being 'negative' then his negative butte needs to be disciplined.

Miss placed disciple makes me angry. Guess it just the protective mom thing coming out of me.