Issue with soon to be mother in law...?

Question

I am getting married in December and our lease is up in March. We want to move back to my fiance's home town and he has asked his mom to let us live there for a few months to save up some money to put down on our first home. She has agreed and while I don't really WANT to live there I do thank her from the bottom of my heart for being so understanding and helping us out. She and I have had a few issues here and there but we get along fairly well now. We have three children (one is not his) they are 7, 15 mos, and 3 weeks. She is having us to stay in the basement where there are 3 bedrooms, a laundry room and a living area. She's quite the control freak and full of ideas. She says we can have our furniture upstairs in the main living room because she would like to throw her's out and will buy new when we move out. I do not want my sofa up there as it cost us $2500 and is a very nice set (she just wants sofa up there and not coordinating chair and love seat).

I don't want her smoking on it and her dog laying on it. Should I just let it go?

I don't want her smoking on it and her dog laying on it. Should I just let it go?

I have no idea why that posted twice. LOL. But she doesn't want us using the living area as a living area- she wants it as a nursery for both of the smaller kids and a toy room... I want to set up our television down there and have our own space so I can escape- is there a nice way to say this?

Answer 1

The most important thing is to say it. I faced a similar situation when I was married for a couple of years and had a toddler in tow. The biggest mistake I made was just keeping my mouth shut about everything, and it got so hard we ended up emptying our bank account to go back to an apartment. Secondly as far as setting up a living area as such is a wonderful idea. I wouldn't phrase it as an 'escape' though even if it may be. Explain to her that her grandkids love her very much and if given the oppurtunity will want to spend every waking moment with grandmom. You just want to have a place that you can spend time as a family on your own and a place to let her have a break too. Also tell her it will help the kids once you guys to move back out to adjust to her not being around all the time if they have time everyday in a setting that is just the family unit. Assure her that you aren't just going to hermit them away in your little 'apartment' area and keep them from her. As for the furniture, perhaps you could offer to give her the whole set when you move and get new for yourself. That way anything that happens to it along the way is her problem and you seem like you are being extra nice since she took such an interest in the set you have. Good luck!

Answer 2

First you should consider putting your $2500 sofa and other furniture in storage or just tell her no it will stay where it is. She truly won't stop bugging you about it - so out of sight out of mind.

I am sure your fiance knows how you feel about the furniture but he doesn't want to have to choose between the two of you. It really sucks being caught in the middle of two people that you love.

There really is no nice way to tell your soon-to-be mother in law that you don't want her dog or her cigarettes stinkin' up your nice furniture. If you have enough room downstairs for the furniture then use it. Good luck

Answer 3

Wow, you're kinda in a pickle. I guess this is the time where you may have to bite the bullet unless you can convince your husband to tell her he is used to your own furniture and prefers to use it where you are staying. If he won't do it, you may have to tell her. However, you would be paying a lot more than $2500 for rent for several months, so you have to decide which is to your better advantage. I think she is quite presumptuous in that you do that for her. She does sound controlling and you will probably be miserable there now that I think of it.

Answer 4

who's getting married, you or her? The quickly to be bride might want to make all the options. Thats stupid, did she ask if she might want to deliver this co-worker, or call for it? She is so ungreatful, go away your seting chart the way it really is, her co-worker is already next to her. How a lot nearer can she get? besides, you're planning the tables, and the position would Bob sit down? Obiously this human being it really is saying that they experience uncomftrable with Bob(your mans aunt/uncle) is on your quickly to be mom-in-guidelines' part. do not invite your mom-in-regulation, and that different human being(your mans aunt/uncle), and challenge solved. also honey, one suggestion do not. do not stay with that bitter woman, believe me. you don't want the drama 24/7 n u want privateness. take care of her bullshit now, placed her contained in the spot, n enable her comprehend that she is two old to be throwing tantrums, subsequently a ***** in good structure! If she places the marriage which incorporates her money, you mustn't nagg, yet considering that everyone is coaporating financially, they don't desire to coaperate any more effective, financially is adequate. obviously all of our mom-in-guidelines, will make the celebrations quaint. do not enable her, do you want to seem decrease back to what would were. N tell your toddlers that she ruined your wedding ceremony. i comprehend this sucks, n that it brings issues fairly such as your guy, yet mils (mom-in-guidelines) do unlike their daughter-in-guidelines, b/c the mil n the daughter-in-regulation r not gonna marry one yet another. Your guy chosen u because he likes u 4 u. If she had chosen u 4 him, then she wish u, yet he would in all likelihood not. it really is vitally more effective perfect that she further this delema now, than on your wedding ceremony reception, correct? you does not want her to make a huge scene on your wedding ceremony, n contained in the video camara.

Answer 5

This is a tough one, I guess since she is letting you and your family live with her. You are pretty much stuck! I mean you will look bad for saying anything about this because its just a couch
compared to her sharing her entire house. I would say just let it go and some advice, try to get your own place ASAP! Living with any realitives is a recipe for disaster. Just try to make the best of it for right now, (pick your battles) Good luck, Hope it all works out for you!

Answer 6

Sounds to me like she's trying to make sure the kids spend most of their time in the basement. You should put your couch wherever you'd like! After all, if the kids are going to be downstairs all the time, you will be too. Good luck with everything and congrats on the little ones :)

Answer 7

DO NOT move in to her house!! Don't do it. The situation will not be a good one for you, your fiance, your kids, your mother-in-law......nobody. Do you HAVE to get married in December? Is this a money issue? Think about what you're about to do. The home belongs to your mother-in-law and the rules will be for her to make (or break). Think first.

Answer 8

You are living in her house so you must come to a compromise...Is it really going to kill you to give in for just a few months until you get your own? Play nice with the mother in law...you will need a babysitter...and she is nearby....

Answer 9

discuss this with your fiancee and see how he handles it... it will give you a look at the future.... you are not being unreasonable .... this is your furniture and you are right in your concerns about possible damage to it ..... you may come out better staying in an apartment over staying with mommie dearest

Answer 10

You should tell your fiance to tell her because if you do shes going to think youre being mean and you aren't really thankful,after all it is his mom.