what do i do with my KINDERGARDNER?

Question

SHE WONT LISTEN TO HER TEACHER AND SHE IS FIGHTING WITH HER FRIENDS .....MY HUBBY IS AN OTR TRUCK DRIVER......SO THAT DOESNT HELP MUCH .....HOW CAN I GET A HANDLE ON THIS IM SO LOST....HER TEACHER IS COMPLAINING EVERYDAY....... WHEN I ASK HER WHAT I CAN DO SHE HAS NO ANSWERS TO HELP ME......BUT AT HOME SHE IS A REALLY GOOD GIRL....PLZ HELP ME.......I THINK ALOT MIGHT HAVE TO DUE WITH HER DADDY BEING GONE ALL THE TIME......HOW CAN I HELP HER .......

I AM A VERY GOOD MOTHER......SHE HAS BEEN IN SCHOOL FOR 2 YRS ALREADY AND NEVER HAD ANY COMPLAINTS THAT SHE WASNT PAYING ATTENTION OR CAUSING PROBLEMS WITH ANY OF HER FRIENDS....... SHE WAS ALWAYS LIKED BY EVERYONE....AND HER FATHER WAS ALWAYS AWAY THEN TOO ...IVE GONE THROUGH EVERYTHING ........SO PLZ DONT TELL ME TO READ A BOOK.....

Answer 1

try not to beat yourself up. she is having trouble getting along with the other children at school. this may not be all her fault. kids can be mean. take her to a counselor so she can talk about her feelings at school, you will be surprised how much the counselor finds out. i wouldn't blame her daddy's job, although i'm sure it would be easier for both of you if he could be home more. but usually these problems don't have anything to do with the behavior. i know when my oldest girls were small, i often blamed any problems that came up on the fact that their dad had passed away. that will only get you in a guilt trap, and you will be overcompensating when that will not fix the problem. maybe she is too young for kindegarden this year, maybe you could talk to a child counselor about this idea. there are morning, 3 day a week programs just for kids that aren't yet ready. hang in there, i'm sure you are a good and loving mother. there is help available for your daughter, don't let her be hurt by something she could carry a lifetime. act now. find an alternative to the situation. maybe a smaller group of kids, with parent involvement would be the answer, then you would know what difficulties she is facing in her 5 year old world. good luck, and god bless.

Answer 2

Create a behavior plan with her teacher. When she behaves she gets a smile every 15 minutes, she gets a reward for her good behavior when she gets home. The fiftenn minutes thing works because if she misbehaved 15 minutes ago, she can start anew. Positive reinforcements are so much better than negative. I do this with some of my Kindergarteners who struggle with behavior and it works wonders. After awhile, we can put away the behavior chart because the behavior usually disappears. But keep it positive. These behavior charts don't work if the focus is on the negative behavior, focus more on what she did right that day (but don't ignore the negative behavior.) Start small though. The first week, work on one specific behavior so she isn't overwhelmed with too many changes. Talk with the teacher and ask her to pick one behavior for that week that she will get a frown or smile for, such as not fighting. Then the next week, add something to it such as being a good listener. When your daughter understands that every action she takes at school will come home, she may think twice about acting that way at school. Good luck. Remember, she is 5 and things such as her father being gone may really effect the way she behaves. I always knew when one of my student's father was away because she was always moody those days. After awhile, I knew to ask her if her dad was away and she usually just needed a hug and reassurance.

Don't assume it lies with a problem with the teacher (I know you didn't say this, but I'm seeing other people are.) It is easy to lay blame on the teacher because this is the only place you are seeing it, but it could very well be other issues. I've had little ones who do well with one on one time, but struggle with whole group activities. If she's never been in such a large group before, then she may be acting out to get the individual attention. That's why positive reinforcement is so important, praise the good behavior because she gets the attention when the behavior is good. It's hard as a teacher when you are doing everything you can with a little one and the parents immediately blame you for their child's behavior. It could still be an issue with the teacher, but try to explore other possibilities before you lay blame.
Good luck.

I've got a copy of a behavior chart if you'd like (the times on it probably won't work for you, but it will give you idea.) If you want it, send an e-mail and I can copy it and send it to your e-mail (include an e-mail address though, I've tried to reply to many of people who e-mail me from Yahoo Answers, and their e-mail isn't confirmed on Yahoo Answers so I never get to answer them.)

Answer 3

I don't think it has to do with the daddy- since you said that he has been a truck driver for a while- (My dad was a truck driver as well)...

If you do want to "drop" in on her, I think you should talk to the principal first about it- don't say it's b/c of the teacher, but you just want to see if maybe you can see what is "setting" your child off. I would not how ever discuss it with the teacher that you might be dropping in. (I think it might be the teacher that is causing it to) maybe since your daughter was bad at the begining, the teacher is now shut off to her ever being good- what I mean is maybe she already is fed up with your daughter, and no matter what your daughter does, it is never going to be good enough....Since she is good at home, that is another reason why I think it may be the school...

If you reward her, be careful- b/c it might bite you in the butt- she may expect something everytime she behaves the way she should, and therfore always do just enough to get by- you may have your rewards be things such as an extra book being read at night before bed, or you can splurge and get supplies to "make" daddy a special gift- and last, just ask her if she is ok..If something is bothering her- she may surprise you and say that her friend in her class is being mean to her, and that would explain why she is fighting with her friends and taking it out on her teacher-

Good luck-

Answer 4

You are right in assuming that it could be because of her daddy being gone all of the time. These kinds of things can be hard on a child. But that does not mean her behavior should be tolerated. You and her teacher need to work together and start some reinforcements strategy with her. Tell her teacher that if she keeps misbehaving in class then she should take away some playtime. Since she is only in kindergarten it is best to discipline her where she is causing the problem so that she can comprehend exactly why she is being punished and when she gets home you need to also remind her of the negativity of her behavior. She will eventually get it once she sees yours and the teacher's persistency. Don't worry, it will get better.

Answer 5

If she is good at home then maybe something happened/is happening at school. They demand a lot from kindergarteners these days. The times of play-do and building blocks are over. That's what we did in kindergarten, but now they have little desks and have to sit still for more then a smart child knows is right. She might not be ready for the pressures of real school.
If it started before kindergarten, and/or you think it has to do with her daddy being gone so many days (mom's gut instinct is usually right) then try and find ways to make him feel closer while he's gone. Maybe a picture of him by her bed that she can kiss goodnight, a tape recording of him talking to her that she can play, a daily daddy to daughter phone call or a small album of her own full of pictures of the two of them.
On days that she's been good at school, tell her how proud daddy is going to be that she listened so well or helped that friend. Just don't threaten to tell him when she's been bad, that could backfire. Good luck, and hang in there, it gets lonely I know.

Answer 6

sounds like something at school might be bothering her. if she never had a problem before, this is not the normal behavior. why can't the teacher give you any answers? anyway, when she gets home from school, sit her down and ask her what the problem is, tell her that you know something is bothering her and hopefully she will open up. it could also be a phase she is going through, testing her boundries. would just try to have patience and if it continues, start taking away privilages like tv or computer until the behavior stops.
Good luck

Answer 7

I think this is more of a problem due to the teacher, especially if your daughter doesn't misbehave at home. Something is going on at school that is causing her to misbehave, and you and the teacher need to get to the root of the problem in order to fix it. I work in a kindergarten classroom where we have the very same problems with a few students. There are many times where the teacher just shouts at the children when they aren't following directions instead of finding out why they aren't following the directions. For instance, one of the children in my class went nuts in the classroom just because he made a mistake when writing his name and he didn't have an eraser so he could"t fix it. He is a child who is easily frustrated and become extremely upset when he makes a mistake. So something as simple as making sure he has an eraser solves that problem. But, in order to figure out the reason for the problem you sometimes have to talk to the child and work with the child one on one to get to the root of the problem. The teacher has a full class so she/he cannot spend much time with one child, but since I'm an assistant I have the ability to spend time with just one student. The school that I work at also has a specific person who works with children who have behavioral problems and that is usually very beneficial since she always gets to the root of the problem. See if your daughters school has someone like that who might be able to help. You could also sit in on your daughter's class to see if you can find out what is wrong, but most of the time the children act different because they know their parent is watching them. This very same thing happened in my class this week, the child was a perfect angel while his mother was there and the next day he was back to his old ways. I would also suggest talking to other professionals at the school since your daughter's teacher has no suggestions, most of the staff is always willing to help.

Answer 8

This is just a suggestion, try putting up a days of the week chart. Every day that she is good at school you put a smily face on the chart and everyday she is bad put a red x on the chart if she can go all week with out getting into trouble reward her with going to see a movie or getting a new learning video. This worked for my sis in law with her two boys. even though dad isnt around all the time try having him talk with her . for some odd reason when Daddy talks to his little girl they seem to listen.

Answer 9

Alot of the time teachers are just as stressed as parents and children are. If you are in a day care centre arrange to have a discussion with the centre's director he/she should have some helpful information for you. If you are at a school maybe see the school's prinicple and see what information they have.

Or you could take her to the local doctor. They may be able to give you some advice on child counsellors etc. Also talk to the father and ask him what he wants to do.

And finally maybe look at your life and if you are stressed or behaving differently with your daughter because children are very perceptive and can notice change with the primary carer (which is usually mum)

Good luck.

Answer 10

DO expect to go into the class when ever you want with the exeption of testing times. Be the voice for your child if something is wrong in the class room. If you see a problem talk to the princable and if that does not help go to the school board, Your daughters education is important and no parent wants their kids to start hating school so early