3 year old challenges? How would you have handled this situation?

Question

So this morning my almost 3 year old decided (as usual) that she didn't want to get dressed. I go to the office 3 days a week and today I needed to be on a set schedule. Well, I tried to change her mind by asking her if she wanted to wear pants or a skirt. She said skirt. I went to get it out of the closet and she went ballistic and screamed "I want to pick it out". So I let her. Then she wanted to pick out her top. So I let her. She picked out an overall shorts outfit. Well, I had to tell her "no" since she is potty trained now and it is too hard to get overalls off to go to the bathroom. She again went ballistic and was pushing her way into the closet over and over to get the overalls. Finally I lost it and raised my voice to her and told her that now I would pick her top out. My husband says I should not have yelled at her. What would you have done?

Answer 1

My two year old is crazy like that.
When he has a clothing fit I say in my most sweet sing song happy voice
"oh I thought you wanted to get dressed, I'm sorry I guess you want to go take a nap instead!
Not like in a mean threatening way...like in a Oh Im so silly what was I thinking...It works everytime.

I am sure you get the drift obviously you would have to edit it to fit the situation but I find if I just play the dumb mom routine he stops screaming and fighting as when I yell and get frustrated he just heightens his level and it all goes to SH!T

Answer 2

It sounds like your daughter is strong-willed and independent just like my son. Which isn't a bad thing necessarily. Is this the first time you've let her decide things on her own? If it was, then she was probably really excited about the whole idea. If not, then maybe she had too many choices. Pick out two outfits for her on the mornings you go to the office. This way, you still have a say in what she's wearing, but this also gives her some independence as well. Don't be too hard on yourself for yelling at her. While it's not the best solution, remember that we can get stressed out especially when we are on a schedule. Three year olds have no concept of time, so if you're in a hurry, they have no clue as to why. Also, maybe the night before you go to the office, remind her with something like "Mommy has to go to the office tomorrow, so remember, we'll get up eat breakfast, get dressed, brush our teeth, and go" or whatever your routine is for that day. Don't worry, she's just showing her independence and if you steer her in the right direction, she'll make good decisions.

Best to you!

Answer 3

I agree with Anonym. I love those ideas! I have a 3 1/2 year old who has been challenging since birth. I love her to pieces but I used to be on my wit's end on a daily basis. What has made a difference is consequences. Timeouts or taking away a privilege are biggies for me. If she demonstrate certain behaviors I will count to three to warn her. On three, she gets the consequence. I had to learn to be firm and consistent. I also set aside time to have alone time with her. We have at least 20 or 30 minutes a day where it's just her and I. This was hard during her most challenging days because I would be burnt out by her behaviors. But I would still do it. This shows her that she is important and unconditionally loved. We read stories or draw together. This also helps me to avoid her feeling like her sister is the "better" child. Obviously we love all our kids the same, but a child will sense if you feel one child is better behaved and even feel less lovable than that sibling. This may cause them to act out even more. So bottom line: be firm, consistent and loving. Good Luck, it has gotten better for me now that she is almost 4 years old.

Answer 4

Ok, first of all, these suggestions to pick out the clothes the night before, while a great idea, not always effective. Just because you pick them out ahead of time, doesn't ensure your child won't have a fit. She's had time to think about it and figure out thats
not what she actually wanted to wear. Children are funny that way.
Second...yelling is a totally normal reaction...I do it all the time. :) I don't want to, nor do I mean to, but I do, however it's completely uneffective. But sometimes, when we're in a hurry or stressed and the little one isn't cooperative, it just happens. If it's the first time it's happened to you, it won't be last, trust me.
Third...sometimes we have to choose our battles. Something like weather or not overalls are appropriate is most likely a power struggle. You, in a hurry, wanting her to just wear the first thing she picked out. Her, determined to wear what she wants, most likely because you said she can't.
If this happened to me, which it does on regular basis, I would have reacted the exact same way. Now I'm not saying it's right, but I'm saying it's normal. Next time, try to compromise. Maybe she can wear them when she gets home, if she wears what she first picked out. And try to remain calm. Walk away, take deep breaths, etc. It's hard, but you can do it. I've learned that yelling pretty much makes them freak out even more or completely shut down, niether of which you want. Hang in there...you have several more years of silly little battles ahead of you.

Answer 5

I probably would have yelled too. My suggestion is to pick out clothes the night before that way in the morning you don't have to fight about it when you don't have time. Instead of letting your 3 year old pick out her clothes you pick 2 shirt 2 pants, skirts or whatever and say ok now which one do you want to wear? That way she will think she is making a decision but really its a choice. A 3 year old should not be telling you ... you should be telling her. Good luck!

Answer 6

I would have let her wear the overalls, and not have yelled at her. You need to learn to pick your battles. Stand back and ask yourself if wearing the overalls is going to matter in 20 years. I doubt very much her wearing overalls when she was three is going to make much of a difference to her at 23, or to you. But happy mornings with no yelling will be remembered for a lifetime.

Answer 7

From now on start letting her pick out her own clothes the night before.. Ask her what she wants to wear the next day--- give her 2-3 outfits to pick from that would be appropriate for the weather and everything.. I have a girl close to the same age.. She will be 3 January 5th and thats what we do.. She had the same problem..

Answer 8

I would remove clothes she cannot wear from her closet...just let them "disappear"...I agree with the 3 outfits the night before...3 years old is not too young for a simple chart...give them things that are their responsibility to do. Make the outfit choice one of them...include brushing their teeth, picking up toys. Make the list whatever you want...give them stars or stickers when they get it right...they will be willing and make an effort to get those stickers! You don't need to give any reward other than the stickers...that is enough...don't get caught in rewarding them for good behavior...it is expected of them. In the long run, it really doesn't matter if she matches perfectly...she is 3, if you get a rude comment tell them it was your daughter's choice...she liked them...let her claim a bit of individuality where you can...at 3 they are so dependent on you anyway! Good luck and enjoy your little one! :-)

Answer 9

My advice is put anything you don't want her to wear all the time away where she can not see it. I know how hard it can be, my little girl(4) has a mind of her own to when it comes to what she will wear. She now will only wear dresses & skirts & she takes forever picking her clothes out. But alowing your daughter to decide is great, they need to learn how to make decisions for themselves. I make my daughter pick out her outfit the night before, she can take all the time ahe want (within reason) if she descides not to wear it in the morning it is just to bad, she made her decision & she has to live w/ it.

Answer 10

Unless this was an emergency call-in work day for you, why didn't you have this outfit picked out the night before????

If she insisted on wearing the overalls, I'd just let the teacher know that there is back-up change of clothes in her cubby, and that she's confident that she can make it to the potty in time, but just in case, please change her into the back-up clothes (make sure they're seasonally appropriate and still fit).