How should I feel about my boyfriend waiting to see his daughter?

Question

He has visitation given him by the courts. His ex has been keeping the child away from him and has only offered to let him see her once during the year and a half we've been dating. He hasn't taken her to court yet because of all the drama she has started since we've been dating, and he didn't know how I'd react once he took her to court and more drama started. After finding this out, now I've told him I'll stand by him through whatever drama she brings 'cause he needs to get his court-ordered visitation and see his 6 year old daughter. This discussion was a month ago. Now he's saying he wants to wait til after the holidays to pursue anything, and still hasn't seen her or tried. I've asked him why he's waiting and he says he doesn't need to explain his reasons to me. I'm starting to look at him differently because he isn't acting right now.. Should I be feeling this way? Would you? My parents always said there were two sides to every story, now I'm surprised at his inactivity.

He said before he met me, he took her to court and pursued this matter and in reply she messed with his bank accounts and had his car broken into. He hasn't tried again because of me never having dated a person with a child and knowing I don't like drama. But I told him he should try to see his child no matter what I think, and I would still be here if his ex does jump stupid. So why wait now? What could his reasons be?
His ex allowed him to see her regularly before, but when she gets angry or whatever, she changes her mind. Before he met me he was seeing her regularly, but now his ex is trippin'. I'm just wondering why he isn't going after this again, now he knows I'll support him. He took her to court once, but is hesitating now. Why?

Answer 1

I've seen a lot of this in my profession. It is amazing how helpless men can be rendered by the threat of a child and in court. They have to pay a good amount of child support and rarely get their visitation rights. It wears on them so badly as they want to go on with their own lives that they sometimes leave that child behind due to the contstant frustration of the situation. They have to deal with guilt about the child, blaming themselves for not fighting for them. It costs a lot of money to go to court all the time and the mother is usually trying to get her child support modified upward every time he gets a raise. I'm not saying he should not pay support and get regular visitation rights, but some mothers are so vengeful it causes harm to everyone. Men give up easily where women fight like tigers for their children. Men are more or less letting the decision be set by the court and abiding by it, which of course is what they have to do. Even though above has been said and I have empathy for the father, I know that child will be living with a void in his/her life without the influence and love of their own father. If the mother could be rational and mature, like many are, this would not be a problem. I hope things turn out well for all involved.

Answer 2

Without knowing the ex's side of this story I have to assume that your boyfriend has little intentions of following through on his vistiations and that the ex really isnt the problem here. You should probably let him handle this particular affair the way he is going to and save yourself a lot of drama. It is too bad this little girl has a bio-father that will not make her his top priority. They are both going to miss out on one of the greatest relationships each would ever have had.
If this is how your boyfriend feels about seeing his children you should make sure you don't reproduce with him or you two will be in this situation too.
Good luck. I hope you are able to stand back and get a better look at what is really going on.

Answer 3

What an awful situation! Sorry to hear it. I do agree that he needs to see his daughter, ESPECIALLY if he's paying child support. It is true that his reasonings for not trying now is his business, but it's great that you are standing by him and giving him some encouragement. His ex sounds a little wacky, so I can understand why he's being hesitant. He should be trying what he can to see his daughter, but just be supportive in his decisions and let him figure out what he wants and needs to do on his own. Ex-marital matters with children are usually something that should be left between the ex's.

Answer 4

Myabe deep down he is feeling like it's not worth it to go through all of that again. You are right though, he does need to keep in contact with his daughter as much as possible or she will grow up believing any nonsense that her mother tells her about him. OR maybe he's afraid that the courts would grant him custody of his daughter as a result of his ex's non-compliance.

He can report her to the courts and let them handle the situation on his behalf.

BUT no matter how much time he gets to spend with her (his daughter) he needs to do it. My husband was in a similar situation with his ex and his kids. The result of him not following through and nailing her butt for violating the court order is that his kids grew up to hate him. All she (the ex) had to do was tell them that he didn't care about them and he didn't want them around ....blah blah blah. The truth was that she took them out of state and we couldn't find her for almost 6 years.

So he may have a good reason for not following through either way. They are his reasons so don't push the issue. My advice is don't get caught in the middle.

Answer 5

Because he is not a decent father and must not care anything about the child. A man that does not want to see his child on a regular basis does not deserve to have visitation rights. If he was much of a man, he would not give a flip about the "drama" the ex is causing. It sounds to me as he is going to be another deadbeat dad.

Answer 6

my brother is doing the same thing at first he wanted to see his child but now he don't even say anything about wanted to see his child . if your boyfriend wanted to see his child like he say he do he would move heaven and earth to see that child he need to think about that child and when that child get older she will hate him for not been there for her. no ex will stop him from see his child. if he had that court order of visitation she can't stop him. but the reason why she wont let him see his child is because he is with you and she don't like that and she is using that child to get at him.

Answer 7

From a father who became estranged for years from his very own infants by Mama's Drama: he's probable scared; petrified of rejection, petrified of the arriving near near drama, petrified of failure, or regardless of else. adult males do no longer merely admit to being scared yet this could be a time of uncertainty and a time whilst any unsleeping guy or woman, male or woman, ought to particularly sense scared help him in his conscientious judgements yet motivate him to step as much as the plate even whilst it hurts. His daughter desires him lots no count what absolutely everyone says. do no longer fail to help him in this now using fact he desires a lifelike woman viewpoint to boot to his very own. And via the way, do no longer assume this to be common yet his daughter does deserve the attempt. WK

Answer 8

if he wanted too see his little girl he would not let you or any one else stop him. and while you are dating him it is your business. i would confront him with ever thing and go from their it sounds too me as if u have your head on straight cause if you dint you wouldnt care. and if he gets up set or tells you its none of your business then tell him too take his business and move on. and your parents are right their is all way two sides too every story.
good luck.

Answer 9

All I can say about your situation, is all you should be concerned about is his daughter! Every kid deserves 2 parents, it's not right for them to just see their mom! Stop thinking about you, & think about the kid!

Answer 10

Yesh...
If he won't answer you.... no one here will know how to answer you either.
All I can say is SUPPORT HIM TO SEE HIS DAUGHTER! Support him till you are blue in the face!!
That little girl deserves to know her father and have quality and quantity time with him! HE SHOULD KNOW HER!
SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT!!!!