my mom passed away my family was torn apart how can i fix this?

Question

MY MOM PASSED AWAY AND ALL THEY CAN DO IS FIGHT OVER STUPID THINGS HOW CAN I PULL THEM BACK TOGETHER,???

Answer 1

You can't! They have to work through their grief/anger on their own, time will help. I don't know the whole story but some of them & you may have to have some counseling. I know that this is a very, very hard time for you. It's devastating to lose your mother and when you feel like your family is falling apart it just makes it so much worse. I lost my mother when I was 11 and some of my family fought over stupid things which I didn't understand at the time. But later I realized a lot of it was because of their devastating grief and anger over losing mom. There is not really anything you can do except be there for them and pray for the whole family. And I know that you have probably heard this beore but time truly does help. None of you will ever get over the hurt of losing her but as time passes it will get easier.

I am so sorry for your loss and I sincerely hope that things will get better very soon for your family. I hope that I have been able to help you even just a little bit. I don't know you but I truly wish I could be there to give you a hug. I am so sorry for you!

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you lost your mom. Listen, it isn't your job to "fix" anything. Everyone is grieving. There is a process that everyone goes through. Some people go thru it rather quickly, while for others, it takes a lot longer. There are 5 stages of grief. I can't remember them all. Anger is in there and it takes a long, long time to get a handle on it sometimes. You get angry at everything and everyone...about the smallest, most stupid things in the world. It sounds like that's what your family is going thru right now.

Acceptance will come eventually. No one can tell you when...there's no time table that says how long each person should stay at a particular stage while they grieve. It differs with everyone.

You can try saying something like, "This fighting is crazy! This isn't what she would want!" And then explain what your mother would want to have happen. Sometimes people need someone to come in and remind them what's really important and show them how self absorbed they are being at a time when they should be supporting each other.

Answer 3

I am so sorry this has happened.

You might have to hire an intermediary's help.
This would be someone who has no interest in the things or any of the people involved.

It is better to have things settled before a person dies. Which I know is too late for you guys.

It isn't your job to pull everyone back again. That doesn't mean you can't try, it just means you can't feel quilty if they don't pull together.

Once the dust has cleared hopefully the family can have a holiday or a picnic together.

Let yourself grieve your loss. And try not to get too into the crazyiness the others are into.
We all just have one life here...it should be lived well and not arguing with family.

Pray for peace

Answer 4

First and foremost, my condolences to you and your family. Although i am a perfect stranger to you, I am not a stranger to the situation. Step back a bit. Don't sweat the small stuff. Work through the rough times.(and i mean WORK!!) it will help pass some time and let you really reflect on what parts of your family are really important and worth keeping together. If it is mostly about materialistic items....well it's just stuff. Take your time as time can be a great fixer. Shed your tears through your love and your personal loss. Not for the frustrations others seem to cause. Take some time with your really good friends just to reflect have a hug or two. Hope it gets better for you soon. Patience is a great virtue.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, part of a person's passing is fighting. When my Mum died the family just split. If you're talking about siblings and they're fighting over Mum's silver- let 'em have it. Stuff isn't important (even tho it means alot to you--in the end it doesn't matter), When Mum dies the family is torn apart and someone has to step up, get it together. The most imortant thing is to just admit you miss her, you love her, and lets try to get on without her as best we can, cause we all grew up in the same house, with the same values (and dammit, I was standing outside the bathroom door waiting for you to come out!!!!)

Answer 6

Sorry for your loss. This may last a few months maybe even a couple of years. I tell you by experience. My Dad passed away in 2003 and I would have never imagined all the things that evolved as a result of him passing. My family was very united and after he passed away everything fell apart. Now thanks to time and healing everything is back to normal and we can breath again. I can just say hang in there and things will get better, but unfortunately worse has to come first than better. Good luck

Answer 7

This happens in SO many families. (Including mine.) My mother was the only girl out of 4 kids that my grandmother had. When she passed away, my mother's sister-in-laws all couldn't get into my grandmother's house fast enough to pack up her stuff. They were HORRIBLE to my mother, who had more of a right to anything there than any of them did. It was such a dark time in our family, and there were so many hurtful things said and done at the time. We somehow managed to pull it back together over time, but I'll admit that things really haven't been the same since. My mother and her sister-in-laws talk now, but there's always a sort of tension there. I'm sorry that this is happening to your family. I wish I could tell you something helpful. I know that I plan to have a very specific will when my time comes, so there will be no questions and no arguments in my family.

Answer 8

well my mom passed away to so no one can understand what you are going through unless they loss their parents. This is a hard time and i can undergo what you are feeling at this time of greivement, to pull your family together sit them down and tell them how important family is and how precious our life is im sure your mom wouldn't want you all to fight she would want you all to live life to fullest and love each other the fighting may also be coming from losing your mother anger. They may just need a hug and just to let that anger go cry a little, it helps

good luck, sorry bout your moms

Answer 9

As much as I hate to say, you can't. You may try with all your might but unless your family wants to be a "family" again, it won't happen.

My family has been torn apart many times (Grandparents passing on and my Dad.) It took us 10 years to become a family again and it still isn't like it use to be. It never will.

My best advice to you is don't take a side. Ask everyone to sit down and think of what your Mom would think of everyone acting they way they are. If she would want y'all to be in such turmoil.

Most of what is happening is probably due to fear and grief. Everyone lost someone they loved so they try hanging on to material items that remind them of your Mother. It's natural and hopefully your family will make it through this and come together again like a family should.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you and your family.

Answer 10

Moms are usually the centerpiece of the family, so it's natural for things to fall apart when mom is gone. I'm really sympathetic of your loss. What you can do is start doing some things that mommy use to do. If everyone in the family acted just a little like mom, it might help. i'm not saying that it will replace the most special women in your life, but it will help. Try it.