Well I am at home just sitting down next to my bb cuz, watching well... blues clues, i need some help!
2006-10-27 16:36:54 · 16 answers · asked by briezy 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Okay okay, how about this one. I got it off of a birthday card. So Dick Cheney tells Bush, "Mr. President, we just recieved word that we'll recieve 10,000 Brazillian troops to help with the War in Iraq." So Bush says, "Wow! That's fantastic! Euh... how much is a brazillian?"
2006-10-27 16:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by Ford Mustang FTW 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of a car going fast then screeching to stop, making that sound over and over... Now what goes VRRR ERRRT.... VRRRR ERRRT. VRRRR ERRRT...????
That would be a blonde at a flashing red light.
....
Okay a texas joke in reverse for you...
If a wife has a husband with 2 black eyes what should she tell him? ....
...
Nothing she hasnt already told him twice.
:-)
Stupid I know, but maybe at least you smiled.
Come on, you dont need us, you have blues clues!
-s
2006-10-27 23:42:33 · answer #2 · answered by leseulun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope this makes you laugh
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.
2006-10-27 23:39:09 · answer #3 · answered by Biker 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
So you want me to make you laugh? thats easy. listen to this.
My husband and my five kids and I had to go to an "undersea" potluck. Each geust had to bring a seafood dish. We decided to do a lobster alfredo pasta. We went to the store to get the lobsters. Once we got a couple, we needed to find the alfredo souce. I said "Help mommy look for the creamy white sauce" All of a sudden, My three year old yells out "MY MOMMY'S GOT CRABS AND SHE NEEDS SOME CREAM!" I was sooo embarasst. Every one just stared at me until my son held up the bag of lobsters! Of course, you would not understand this if you didn't know what crabs are. The one everyone thought he was talking about is pubic lice!!! Of coarse, he thought lobsters were called crabs.
Another time we were wathching tv with our kids and my husband started rubbing my belly, Im seven months pregnant. Our youngest, Kaila was watching and asked, "Daddy, Did Mommy say you could touch my baby?" He said "Sweetie, Its your baby brother, not your baby, and daddy can touch mommys baby because he put the baby in her tummy." Kiala thinks, "well mommy said that the baby is her ploperty and you did not put the baby in there, the baby hairy did." She tried to say property and baby fairy. Then my four year old twins come in the room crying and said "Miachel said they baby ate your boobies and he is a fat baby" I have no idea why he told them thios. I called him in to the room and told him he had to explain. He says very matter of factly "Daddy said that babys eat boobies and GOD BAMIT YOU DUCKING DOG YOU JUST BIT ME IN THE *** SO GO TO HELLER! Mommy did you see that! that bam doggie has no manners for a mans sensitive places. He should go to heller!!" I couldn't even tell him to stop saying any thing i was laughing so hard. Our puppy bit his butt, and he decided to cuss him out. Of course, he did it in his own way! I hope i made you lagh.
2006-10-28 00:40:35 · answer #4 · answered by baby oh's 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOOOO, OOOOO!! I GOT ONE I GOT ONE!!!! *ahem.* Hm.
Jack scolds Jill about the bill,
for the constant things he's bought her.
Jill fell ill when she went off the pill,
Now Jacks got a brand new daughter!
HAW HAW HAW!!! OOOO! THERE'S STILL MORE!!!!
An old woman lost her husband so she decided to move to an old folks home so she didn't have to be alone. An old man came over to her as she was sitting on a bench one day and he asked "Maam, do you mind if I have a sit next to you? May I be so forward?" and she told him it was okay, so he did. The old man looked at her and said "Maam, you are beautiful... I just have to ask you if you will stick your hand down my pants and hold my johnson for me, just a little while, if I may be so forward." and she was shocked, but she had been alone for too long, so she stuck her hand down his pants and held his johnson. This happened everyday for months, they would sit together and she would hold his johnson and she was happy. One day she came outside and he wasn't sitting there anymore. The woman went to his room to find him sitting there on his bed with ANOTHER woman holding his johnson. In shock, the old woman said "WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T?!?!???" and the old man looked at her and simply replied "Parkison's Disease."
....ha.... ha ha.... HA HA HA... HAW HAW HAW!!! AHHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! X-D
Lol, that's it. I'm done. *snicker*
2006-10-27 23:51:27 · answer #5 · answered by bumblebeemeggie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My inquisitive six year old daughter walked in on me getting dressed a few mornings ago. She pointed at my bra that I was wearing, and asked me what it was. I made the mistake of jokingly telling her it was my "over the shoulder boulder holder". Today, we went to the department store to buy winter coats, and as we passed the lingerie department, my daughter, excited that she learned a new phrase, exclaimed loudly, "look mom, there's a bunch of over the shoulder boulder holders over there. You wear over the shoulder boulder holders, don't you mom? Do you need any more? I can help you find some! When do I get to wear over the shoulder boulder holders?....." you get my drift! She went on and on, and I was so embarrassed! I couldn't wait to get out of the store!
2006-10-27 23:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by dorky_goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This US border patrol officer is patroling the border one day and he sees this Mexican crawling over the border, trying to make it into the US. THe patrol officer yells out, 'hey you! you can't do that, get back into your country!'. The mexican replies, 'senior, please, senior, my family needs help, i want to come to america to do good things and help my family. please let me cross.' The border patrol officer once again orders him to return to his country. THe mexican doesn't give up and continues begging to be allowed to stay in the US. The patrol officer decides to give the Mexican a hard time and says 'Okay sir, if you can use three American words in a sentence, I'll let you stay.' So the Mexican was very very happy and asked what the three words are. The officer says, 'The words are: green, pink, and yellow' The Mexican thinks really hard and says he can do it.....
The mexican says "The phone goes green green green, and I pink up the phone and say yellow?" hahaha
2006-10-28 10:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by Cookie On My Mind 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
me and my family went to shoneys for breafast with my son who is 4 and we got to talking to some people as we were leaving well my son started talking too and he told the stranger that his grandpa my dad gets the walking farts. WE could not stop laughing at that he just came right out and said it. It made us laugh but also kinda embarassing though. I hope that makes you laugh.
2006-10-28 02:55:22 · answer #8 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about purple dinosaurs jumping around inside airplanes with techno music playing
2006-10-27 23:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A teacher in class wanting to make use of her psychology courses on the children.
Ok children,the teacher said,
anyone who thinks they are stupid, please stand up.
for a while no one stood up, then all of a sudden little Johnny stood up.
So you think you are stupid little Johnny ???? the teacher asked.
no ma'am, little Johnny replied, I just felt sorry for you standing up there all by yourself
i hope this will make u laught
2006-10-27 23:47:11 · answer #10 · answered by Mr Single 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋