I have four month old twin boys and I spend my day up and down feeding her, the twins, changing them, cleaning, washing, a bit of time here and there on the internet, cooking, etc... She's 3 and she wants me to play with her, or go outside and when I do, (usually, not always) one of the twins cries, or needs to be fed, or needs a diaper change. SHe's mostly happy but sometimes she cries a little more and is just calling me. Do you think this could have long term effects on her or am I over reacting??
2006-10-27 14:11:46 · 22 answers · asked by Queen Momma 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks for the advice and ideas. I do play with her everyday but not as much as she would like me to... She also tries to help me with the boys by feeding and cleaning them... I'm going to try going out with her once a week...that's a good idea... And for the one who questioned my ability of being a queen momma, I am a better parent than you will ever be.
2006-10-27 14:30:24 · update #1
Wow.. Most of you guys have spoken from the heart and from experience and I thank you for that. There are so many good comments/opinions/answers that I couldn't possibly pick just one... so i won't! I don't feel as guilty anymore... I will take your suggestions and work something out just for the two of us. Maybe set a daily time frame which will only be dedicated to her...
Thanks everyone... well, mostly everyone...
2006-10-27 17:18:03 · update #2
First of all, you're a good mother!
This question shows you're intuitive and that you are aware that your daughter is different because of the attention you are obligated to pay to your twins. The answer to your question is an emphatic yes. Your daughter will have lasting affects because of her position of birth. But they don't necessarily have to be bad.
It's all in how you handle it. At 3 years old, your daughter needs attention of her caregiver which is you. Your job is to instill self esteem and to teach her what is necessary to eventually be an independent adult. Try to spend some time alone with her reading a book or playing a game, paying attention to her questions, so she realizes that she is still just as important to the family dynamic as she was prior to the birth of your babies.
Get her involved with you, helping you do things so she feels that she is actively involved in the daily chores. This will make her feel good about herself and feel good that she is helping you. Don't spoil her or feel guilty and try to buy her love and affection. Be honest with her and tell her you love her and appreciate her and you feel the same about the new babies.
If you over react and do unnatural things to try and make up for your guilty feelings, it may cause her to be a narcissus later in life.
How you treated her in the first 2 years of her life is very, very important and as long as it was empathic care, you have nothing to fret about.
Good luck and enjoy the most important moments of your life...which are right now.
2006-10-27 15:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by Logicnreason 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy do you have your hands full,but you must be a great mom to even remember and think about how much time your 3 year old needs. My big huge answer would be yes. Try reading up on EQ, it is more important in life than IQ. I am a recently retired elem teacher and EQ comes from our early years. Your twins at this young age will suffer nearly nothing if left with a reliable sitter for even an hour where as your 3 year old knows and will remember that special hour mom devoted to her to show how she loves her daughter. Remember, it doesnt 'have to exhaust you, she might even want to snuggle up and watch a movie with you. It is the time, not the energy they want. That might help you in seeing that it doesn't have to take a lot of energy. She just wants alone time you. A book once said, getting a new younger sibling is to the child like a woman's husband getting a new younger wife. "Aren't I good enough for you ? and why do I have to share everything with this second younger wife". I am saying the feelings for the older child are like this. maybe this will help parents understand sibling rivalry and how much each child loves you so much and needs your individual attention. With that said, I know how hard it is. I was a single parent elem teacher raising 2 from the ages of 6 and 8.
2006-10-27 23:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a stay at home Father so I know what I am talking about. Just do the best you can. Actually dad needs to spend some one on one time with her. While he is doing the Dad thing with her then that is also a good time for you to catch up on some work. At the age of 3 it is also time for pre-school. This will be very hard for both of you but trust me it is part of growing up. No more than 3 hours a day , 3 or maybe 4 days a week. Montessori Schools are the best. You are doing a very good job by just being a stay at home mom, Just think how little time she would have with you if she was in day care. Your feeling bad just means you care. One more thing. Talk to her. Tell her how much you love her... Hang in there. Good luck
2006-10-27 23:13:31 · answer #3 · answered by goodtimesgladly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on you guys, you all are the same ones that told that one lady that all three year olds are whiny and cranky. This lady does just what the rest of us do a little of this and a little of that. So listen, try to include her in your everyday activities, maybe get someone to take her outside for play time if you cannot, try to get in a story and a short talk each day. And relax. One thing you might not have thought of tho is that maybe she's clingy because of the time spent away from you when the babies came. Now she knows that you will come back but what will you bring with you that time? Lol. Children will always whine, they always want more and more of you, but you do have the right to sit at your computer for a little R&R and don't let all these sanctimonious people tell you different.
2006-10-27 21:27:08 · answer #4 · answered by Amberlyn4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does need some special time everyday that is just her and mommy. Before the twins came she had it all the time and now she has been relegated to 1st born, 2nd best.
As an older child it hurts. I don't want you freakin out, but can't you find 15 minutes in your day to sit with her, read to her, love her? The twins are infants, it wouldn't kill them to cry for 15 if that is what it takes. Do you have a husband/bf? Can't he take care of the twins for a few minutes so that you can give her the time she needs?
She doesn't need hours and hours, but just a few minutes to feel like she is important, not second best and keep from resenting her brothers. At 3, I would be afraid of her acting out against the babies, she needs you Mommy.
2006-10-27 21:17:33 · answer #5 · answered by Gem 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it can be affecting her negatively. You need to make sure to spend time with her alone! Get your husband to look after the twins, while the two of you have girl time together. And why the heck are you on here, or doing other stuff on the internet for when you have three kids? THIS is time you could be with any or all of your children? Do THIS when everyone has gone to sleep if you must!
2006-10-27 21:39:43 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this will have an impact on her. Try to get some additional help with the twins from a relative or a neighborhood preteen. Even if it is just an hour a week. She needs some individual attention to let her know that she is still important.
Good Luck!
2006-10-27 21:15:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, my suggestion is to cut out the computer tiem or whatever else you can cut out in your schedule and spend that time with her. Like maybe a few times a week make a supper that is easy to cook and quick so you may be able to spend more time with her. Let her help out with the twins, you might not think she can do alot, but if shes willing to help, you know like play with the babies, then you can have more tiem to clean exc, and she can clean off the table while you put them down for a nap. In the long run i think it could affect her, just try to make time for her, more tiem for her, and still have time for teh twins. Just learn to divide your time as equally as you can. Good Luck!! and tell her that you love her everyday and give her a hug. Her crying out for attention could just be jealousy to, its possible, so get her involved adn make tiem for her. hope i helped and these are just suggestions. Congrats on your babies!!
2006-10-27 21:29:07 · answer #8 · answered by Carly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it could. I can imagine how busy you are with the twins, but she is used to having you to herself for so long, and all of a sudden two screaming babies made that change. The best thing to do is try to involve her in the care of the twins as much as is appropriate for her age. That way she will feel closer to you and resent them less. Then, when you have some help, schedule some one on one time with your daughter to make her feel special. I know it's hard, but you can do it. It will really benefit yours and her relationship in the long term.
2006-10-27 21:16:51 · answer #9 · answered by gspmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you include her in the caring of the boys? For example, have her just *hold* the bottle (if you bottle feed that is...) or have her bring you a clean diaper and all the neccessities when you have to change their diapers. Have her help you wash the babies (like just give her a wet wash cloth with no soap on it to gently rub their arms and legs) and tell her what a great job she is doing.
2006-10-27 21:15:01 · answer #10 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋