I don't want to lose a relationship with my mother but she doesn't understand that I need time to myself?

Question

My friend passed away on 10/18/06 and they had her funeral tuesday.I really miss her alot and its like everything I do it reminds me of her.Everything I eat and so forth.My mother and I are really close,every friday we'd go to the park and just watch my son and his cousins play.But today I don't really want to because I really just want to be left alone.And she got really angry with me,and started cursing at me saying I didn't act like this when my step father died.Which I did.I love her but I don't need this right now.What do i do

Answer 1

Wow! Mom kinda overreacted a little bit,huh? I'm not sure, but I think I might be able to explain her actions. Since it sounds like she has had a loss of her own, the death of your friend probably brought alot to the surface for your Mom. I know it sounds selfish, but I'd be willing to bet that she wasn't intending it to be.
When I lost my husband, anything that would occur with my family and friends that remotely resembled sickness or death, would cause me to react really strangely to their situation. It brought all of my grief back up to the surface. Your mom probably doesn't even realize that she was that extreme, You might just want to let her know that you know that she has been through some stuff, but right now you need to take care of you. If you two cannot grieve together the way that you feel you need to, then just tell her, sooner or later she'll realize what's up!
God Bless You, I hope you find the peace that you need soon.

Answer 2

I completley understand where you are coming from. Last year, my granny passed away suddenly. Almost a year to the date, my best friend died from an allergic reaction, three months later, my great grandmother passed away. Two weeks later, my friend had a car wreck and died. The night of his funeral, my other friend was on his way to see his girlfriend and was ran off the road to hit a tree. He passed away also. Times like these are tough. Different people deal with things like this differently. No one can judge what kind of connection you have with another (it's really no ones right too.) Maybe you should try one more time to calmly explain why you feel this way to your mother. If she still does not understand, I would let it rest for awhile. This kind of thing prolly won't be the cause of a complete downfall of your relationship with your mother. Also, you should think about getting out once in awhile. I know that if I didn't make myself work two jobs, and continue to go to college I would be driven to insanity!! Because, like you said, EVERYTHING revolves around the person that you loose..(what you eat, ect.). Hope this helps!

Answer 3

First, I just wanted to take the time and say I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. Speaking from experience, things like that really hurt, and sometimes take a very long time for the pain to go away. One thing I can say is arguments with mothers can be bad. I lost my mother 4 years ago.... 2 months before I turned 21, so there are times where I wish I would do anything to hear her voice, or argue with her etc. Whatever you do, just explain to her how hurt you are, and take a rain check. She may be a little upset, but at least you can still spend time with her. That's the most important thing to remember. You're mother will always love you, so don't let her yelling at u get u down. I promise, she'll get over it . Just remember, life is short, kept your loved ones close.

Answer 4

Your mother got angry with you and cursed you because you chose not to go to the park with her ONE DAY??!!??

Your mother is being extremely unreasonable.

Your dilemma is: How to let your mother know you need some time alone without showing disrespect (I believe all people need to show respect to their parents).

Perhaps you can plan a "make-up" date with your mom before next Friday. This way she must accept that you needed a day to yourself, and that you still wish to spend a special day with her. The "make-up" day doesn't have to be at the park, it could be something else the 3 of you enjoy.

Also, I would attempt to open up about your feelings of loss with your mother...she loves you and has lived many more years than you; no doubt has experience she can share to help.

You should also spend the necessary time healing from the loss of your friend. Women's hearts are the strongest things on this earth, and can withstand enormous grief. But the grief must be worked through. You might consider speaking with a minister or counselor to help you through it.

I wish you the best, my dear. I hope that you and your mother continue to remember how precious you are to each other.

Answer 5

Just wait for her to calm down. While doing so, I'm sure she will think about it and start to feel guilty of how she came at you. If I were you, I would let her know how you feel when she comes back with an apology. No one can tell another how to act or feel about losing a loved one. Of course your reaction will have a significant difference between losing a best friend and a step father. I'm sure you loved your step father dearly, but when it comes to a close friend (which I'm sure passed away before her time), that can be heart breaking in itself. I'll say a prayer for you... Just try to keep your head up. Time heals all wounds.

Answer 6

You don't say how old you are-- it sounds as though you are emancipated, though, so my answer in that case would be: Whether she gets angry at you or not, you need what you need. As long as you weren't abusive or insulting when you asked her for some time alone, you don't have anything to feel guilty about. Just repeat to her in a loving and yet direct manner that you need to spend some time alone and you wish she wouldn't be angry at you. That's really all you can do. If she's a reasonable person eventually she will calm down.

I'm sorry you lost your friend. That really sucks. :(

Answer 7

Tell her that you're sorry if it didn't seem that you were this sad when your step dad died. That you felt you were. Just don't want your space too much to where you're getting depressed. It's not good to get depressed for you or your child. Your mom just may be concerend that you're getting depressed. I say go to the park. You have a child and you have no time for yourself. You'll feel better once you get out and do stuff.

Answer 8

It's natural to want to be by yourself after someone close to you has died. Talk to your mother about how you're feeling. Talk about how close you and your friend were, and about how much it hurts you to be around anything that reminds you of her. Tell her that you want to be able to take some time for yourself to evaluate your emotions. Look at it this way, if she doesn't give you time to evaluate your emotions and let you establish how you feel/how you're going to react, you're going to start lashing out at people (including her).

Hopefully she'll understand and hopefully this helps.

Answer 9

you are allowed to grieve for as long as you want/need. noone can tell you how long is enough. and im sure your more emmotional this time than your stepfather cause that is what he was a STEPFATHER this was your friend. it is not at all surprising that you will grive more for her. I am so sorry for your loss, and things will get better maybe not today or tomorrow but they will at your pace and when YOUR ready. all the best.

Answer 10

to lose a best friend has to be one of the hardest things in life to go through,sit down and talk to your mum and explain how you feel she will then understand,tell her you need some space to sit and think of the times you spent with your friend,and things will quiten down for you,and you need to go through the grieving process,i lost my best friend 3 years ago and still need some time alone xx good luck