My boyfriend of 3 year wants to take a "break" he says that he can see that I am unhappy were our current relationship is heading and that he needs to be by himself and that we are heading towards marriage and he doesn't want to lead me on because he doesnt feel its fair to me. Because he doesn't know if he wants that in his life and that he needs to figure things out. He says he loves me and he doesn't know if he is making the right decisions and that he know hes being selfish. What should I do move on?
2006-10-27 09:27:27 · 21 answers · asked by laceystacey24 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well i think you just need to give him a little space. if in the mean time you just happen to get over him than so be it, but i doubt you will. i mean honestly if you stay with him, wouldn't it suck knowing that he tried to take a break and was feeling unsure about his intentions, wouldn't that leave you doubtful. but if you give him wut he wants, than maybe things will turn out the way you want.
it couldn't hurt any more than staying with him and having that in the back of your mind.
Good luck with your decision, i know it's not going to be easy either way.
2006-10-27 09:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really 'loved' you, he would have no qualms about heading towards marriage.
He is obviously not ready for the commitment marriage implies. He states he does not want to lead you on!? What has he been doing for the past 2.5 years?
If he admits to being selfish at this point in the relationship, what do you think awaits you later on?
Rarely does a person come back to you after the 'break'. The 'break' is nothing more than a way of telling you he wants out without being man enough to tell you straight out.
He seems to be too immature to handle something more serious. Whether he is making the right decision or not, he is the only one that will eventually know but there is no reason why you should wait patiently until he makes up his mind.
You would be well advised to re-evaluate your own standards of commitment before going through another relationship. Move on and look for someone who will be willing to take on the full responsibility of a serious relationship!
I hope all works out for you.
Rey
2006-10-27 09:44:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm not going to tell you what to do but I'm going to help to put things into perspective from the info you have given.
If you're bf needs a "break" then he isn't willing to work on whatever problem you, he, or both of you are having. That means he'll less likely do it if the relationship matures. Taking a break means not wanting to try to improve.
Also, are you unhappy in the relationship? If you are then either try and work it out or move on. Or is he using that as an excuse, which I think is more likely, for him taking a "break"?
Are you headed towards marriage? Do you want the relationship to head that way? If you do then this guy sounds like he doesn't want to head that way. If you do and he doesn't break it off. Also if you're not in the relationship for it to increase towards marriage what's the point of having that relationship? If it's just for fun, then break it off and find someone else to have fun with. If you're serious then you might need to find out if he would ever consider marrying you. If yes, try to work it out. If no, then you might want to move on.
He knows he's doing this the wrong way. If he really loved you then he would work out his feelings WITH you. What reasons are there to take a "break" with the person you're suppose to figure things out with them. If he feels this is the best course of action then he feels that he doesn't need you in his thinking process. Another bad outlook if marriage is ahead.
That's all I can say about the info you provided. Good Luck.
2006-10-27 09:49:14 · answer #3 · answered by X M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi sweety..sometimes break in a relationship is good - Believe me I have had breaks - the reasons you take breaks is not to hurt the other person (although it does end up hurting them) but instead of finding the inner meaning of love - sure some people may say that - you should know when you are in love with a person you are in LOVE - but its a complicated factor - you may love how a person may look like - how they may act - how they make you feel or you make them feel - its differnt. So before tieing the knot between two people, they both should be pretty sure that - this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Everyone has their flaws but I can live with them - I know he/she can understand me - he/she can help me think straight when I am under pressure or he/she is my best friend and what could be better - a friend, bestfriend, love and a soulmate. Sometimes people just need time to figure out what was going on all the time before the marriage or before "getting serious" if they will be able to keep you happy or will they be happy. Certain things may develop in his thoughts or feelings. I am sure if he says that he loves you then he does - but just put yourself in his shoes and just think what if you wnated a break - just to think that since you guys have been together for 3 years is he the best of the best from everyone in the world who will keep you happy or there could be someone else. Do not stick to the fact that you guys have been together for three years but is he the right one!! Hope everything will work out in time and do not push him let him take his time that is the only way for a guy to do this thinking - time!!
2006-10-27 10:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mai-Tai 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all really depends on what both of you want out of the relationship and what you personally want in life. If you think that you both want different things, then perhaps it is best for you to move on.
I do have to say that three years is a long time to just throw it away. Perhaps you should consider doing some kind of couples therapy to try to work out what is going on between you two. It seems kind of odd that he brings this up right now. Perhaps he is just kind of scared about the whole situation.
In the end, my advice would be to try to work it out if possible and if not, then you'll just need to move along. If you are not really wanting marriage, then perhaps you both can still be together, just not married.
Hope this helps and you get everything resolved.
2006-10-27 09:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by b-rad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you just want a relationship or a marriage? This is the key. If you just want a relationship, you may continue. If you truly wants someone to share life in a marriage then you should consider.
You may see many failed marriages, marriages that hits the rock. That does not mean that marriage is not the way to go.
It always take 2 to make a relationship or marriage works.
2006-10-27 17:08:04 · answer #6 · answered by Robin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends sometimes breaks can be good. My wife asked for a break about 1 year into our dating relationship. And I reluctantly agreed (actually i didn't have a choice). She said she wasn't sure about somethings especially regarding herself. I gave her her space but I still pursued the relationship from a distance (I continued to be a good friend toward her). A few months later we were back together and then engaged. She tells me now that if I would have totally distanced myself from her during that time that we probably would have never got back together. But also if I would have not given her her space the relationship would have defintely eventually ended. I guess for us everything worked for the best.
2006-10-27 09:34:39 · answer #7 · answered by Almack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move on. My boyfriend of three and a half years broke up this morning so i know how it feels to lose someone. That fact that he admits to being selfish may mean he is trying to clue you in to his real personality. Not only did my ex leave me hurt and confused, but he also left me to face my illness of luekemia alone. Some guys just take the women who love them for granted and i'm sorry for your pain.
2006-10-27 09:38:32 · answer #8 · answered by S&M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. He's obviously not ready for a commitment. He probably really does love u, but if u want more out of the relationship ur not goin to get it. Holdin on will just end up lettin u get hurt more in the long run.
2006-10-27 09:31:13 · answer #9 · answered by Jackie V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang out with your girlfriends. This same thing happened to me and we ended up getting back together. Now that we are back together, we don't fight and can talk about everything. We broke up for the same reasons, he wasn't ready to get married and I was, and he thought that he was getting old and not being able to be with his friends because he had other responsibilities ( 2 kids). The break made our relationship stronger.
2006-10-27 09:34:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋