I have a 2 year old son, with a man who (up till this point) didn't want anything to do with us. Now he comes back, he wants visitation. but no responsibility, no financial aid, and no strings.
we've had problems in the past with his drug use and stealing, (i don't know why i dated him in the first place) and i dont know if this has trully stopped or if he's just hiding it. So far I've given him pictures... but I don't know what to say when he asks me if he can come over... except to say not until his court date is over.
Is there nothing else i can do?
2006-10-27 09:25:04 · 13 answers · asked by Dana B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Yeah, you can petition the court for an order of filiation (saying he's the father) and make him pay child support. This may cool his ardor about demanding visitation (which may be a bad or good thing) but you'll get an idea of where his head is. Don't drink the koolaid and accept that he has changed and is ready to do right. Make him prove himself. Do it for yourself and for your baby.
2006-10-27 09:29:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If visitation has never been established through the Friend of the Court, you have complete control of the situation until it goes to court. As far as anyone is concerned at this point you are the custodial parent. No child support doesn't mean he can't see his child either, that is different parts of the friend of the court. If he takes it to the court, you will go before mediation and they will help you decide what schedule you need to follow for his parenting time. If he has shown no interest then that time will be for a couple of hours once a week and a review will be done a few months later. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING you don't agree with when it comes to visitation. Worse comes to worse, see a lawyer. Good luck.
2006-10-27 16:33:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a number of options available to you. Considering that this man is into drugs and apparently has a criminal record, you could consider obtaining a restraining order against him. This would help protect you and your child, in that if he violates such restraining order, he will go to jail.
If you are fine with him not being financially responsible, then it's your call. However, you can have the court order him to make child support payments to ensure that you have enough money to provide for your son. I'm not sure if this opens up the possibility of him gaining visitation rights, so you might want to check with a lawyer on this one.
2006-10-27 16:35:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough..........you don't want to deprive your son of a relationship with his father but at the same time if he is not a possitive influence than is he really worth having around?? I think that only time will tell if he has truly changed his ways. Stand your ground and be firm. Explain to him that this is hard for you to deal with because he was not around when you needed him and he has done some things that have truly hurt you. When his court is done I would consider letting him have supervised visits...you can usually set up something throug the court system or even meet him at a park or McDonalds play land so he can see the boy.. .... it is key that he gain your trust back and until he has done that I would not let him have visitation of anykind.
2006-10-27 16:40:30 · answer #4 · answered by Lyssa D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Strongly rely on your instinct! I've been there a long time ago, although mine ended up given up all responsibilty, signed papers giving up parental rights, so my now husband could legally adopt her. If you are unsure of him using drugs, it is your responsibility to protect your son and yourself. Once visitation is set maybe have it set up where it has to be supervised or he has to take a drug test every so often. Until court date is set DO NOT let him around. Are you 100% sure he would not do anything to you or your son(because of drug use)? If you have even the slightest doubt, DON'T!
2006-10-27 16:38:42 · answer #5 · answered by christine j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a child support order, it is his kid after all he has no choice but to support him.
Ask the Judge to order a rehab for the man, and pending completion of the program supervised visits.
He can earn your trust from there.
He walked out on you and the baby - you owe him nothing!
Now it is up to him to get it together. If he is serious about knowing his child and being a good father then it shouldn't be a problem!
2006-10-27 16:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by Lesley C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his name is on the birth certificate...I would say sure you can see him as soon as we get visitation / child support and such set up with the courts...until then...just wait it out. If his name is not on the birth certificate then just simply tell him no and if he wants to push the issue he would have to take you to court to prove paternity. If your son is two and it's taken him this long to come around...I think it's just a phase...but I wouldn't let him have totally unsupervised visits if this is what you end up doing. And I wouldn't introduce him as daddy...I would introduce him to your child as his first name and then if he continues and is consistant...then maybe later tell him that his name is daddy.
2006-10-27 16:51:50 · answer #7 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just say no, when you start paying for child support and get clean then we will talk.. You don't want to risk your child being around drugs etc if you dont know for SURE if he has stopped.. It sounds that he just wants the fun part of his son but no reponsibitly!? I don't think thats right.
2006-10-27 16:29:46 · answer #8 · answered by Alexis221 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would stick to my guns. I don't think it is right for a guy to want to see their kid and not take financial responsibility. But I also don't think it is right if they pay and don't want to see the child. I would do what is best for your child and you. That is what I have had to do and I think that we are doing great. Just go with what you think is right for you and your son
2006-10-27 16:29:58 · answer #9 · answered by greatestmomntheworld 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur child has to know his father.. it's not good for a child to go through life without a dad.. trust me i know. but u should make sure the man is straightend up. don't let him around ur son that u've been taking care of for the last two years until he's gonna devote his life to u and ur son
2006-10-27 19:50:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋