I'm 19, I've been in my 2nd serious relationship for about a year now. The beginning of this year was really rough. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with his friend's brother (it was an awful time), we got through it and everything is great. BUT, at times, I do feel like I'm drifting away from my boyfriend. I find myself thinking about the guy I had an affair with and what it would be like if we were together. Then other times, I can't stand the fact that I did that to my boyfriend and how awful I am that I still think about the other guy. Everyday I feel something different. I know I love my boyfriend and I can definitely see a future with him, but why do I keep having these thoughts and feelings?
2006-10-27 09:24:05 · 21 answers · asked by bri 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hello, Nothing is seriously wrong with you....Love doesn't make sense sometimes because it's all about emotions and just feeling good and what is so wrong with feeling good? Plenty! Simply we all have to use our wits and common sense..because the choices we make today can be the heartbreak of tomorrow..Things always look better on the other side of the fence - untill you get over there. If you cheat on your boyfriend again you may as well breakup with him first because that would be the end of it. Every relationship will be tested & you have to ask yourself what is more important than what you two have now? If your relationship with him is the most important thing then you can't let temptations lure you into making a bad choice that you would regret later...ok? I wish love was simple but it's not ...that's what soap operas are all about -but true love always chooses what is best for the both of us-not the one of us...anyway I'm wishing the best for you ok?...bye bye
2006-10-27 09:45:26 · answer #1 · answered by Danica Fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you other than being 19. Your brain is still trying to sort out all the changes in your body and soul brought about by adolescence.
The fact that your mind (and you) wandered away from your boyfriend is a strong indicator that it is a little soon to be thinking about permanent relationships.
And stop being so hard on yourself...just slow down, take a deep breath, and think your way through what you really want.
2006-10-27 16:33:15 · answer #2 · answered by Nuk.Nuk.Nuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) you are 19, just starting to develope who you are going to be as an adult.. There is nothing wrong with you..
2) you must ask "why is being in a relationship soo important"... There is a lot to be said for being single.. at 19 you most definetly should be single for a while..
3) Try not being sooooo serious and just date for a while... Don't put yourself in the situation of always wondering if you made the right choice in a relationship... You don't really know how to recoginze Mr. Right until you are sure how to spot Mr. Wrong.
- Relax, do and enjoy what you want.. you don't need anyone elses approval for what you do or who you do it with... YOU NEED MORE EXPERIENCES.
2006-10-27 16:39:09 · answer #3 · answered by gjm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your BF a favor. Break up with him, you don't deserve him.
You're pretty young, 19. If you are having thoughts of other men, then you don't really love your BF. You have plenty of time to get with lots of other people.
You guys are probably drifting apart because deep down inside, you've killed him somewhere. There's a little stone in that mass of pumping flesh, and, frankly, it's your fault. So please, do him a favor, talk to him, explain it to him, and break it off. You're already thinking about cheating again. I'm sure the words "I'm sorry baby, I swear it will never happen again" was said from your mouth right?
Stop lying to him and youself about delusions of a future. Get real. Know youself, love yourself, before you start trying to love others.
2006-10-27 16:33:40 · answer #4 · answered by MisterO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are so young. 19 is as horrible a time as 16 because you are still growing into yourself; you think you're an adult but there is still so much to learn and experience.
What you're feeling is perfectly ok, you are just undecided. You can be undecided all you want, but I suggest that you don't take anyone else along for the ride. I would take a break from the current guy, just to take time to live day by day and see what you feel.
2006-10-27 16:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you arent meant to be with him.
look at this way.
you see a green and black shoe.
your eyes caught hold of the green shoe.
then you saw the black shoe.
you buy the black shoe.
days later after buying the shoe, you keep telling yourself.
sh it i should have gotten the green shoe.
then you tell yourself,
BAHHHHHH WHO CARESS, ill keep the black shoe.
dont ignore this feelings.
theyre telling you the truth.
what you should really be doing and going for.
but if youre two-sided.
my advice.
stay single.
wait for the right moment
for the right person.
hell come into your life and
corrupt your brain totally.
i mean, there will be no second thoughts of going with this
other guy OR
the thoughts of your boyfriend doing things hes not supposed to do, like cheating on you.
GD LUCK.
2006-10-27 16:29:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your confused. I understand. Relationships are one of our greatest challenges in life.
You need and want open communication because this builds trust. Your not getting this with any of your guys because they just want and need sex and then they leave, so you leave.
You need and want genuine friendship. The feeling that your being used for sex and nothing else gives you that feeling of emptiness. You crave a real friend who listens to you, talks to you, and shares their life with you without asking for anything from you.
You need and want to share values . Right now your values are kinda confused because you don't know which ones are yours. Sooner or later you will and when you do you will want to share them with people who are genuine friends and who can talk to you about anything with you.
Until you realize that the world isn't revolving around you all the time and come down to earth to what really matters to you, you will continue to cheat on others. It is only human nature to get past this and you should consider it because cheating just hurts others more than you think.
2006-10-27 16:29:57 · answer #7 · answered by snorkelman_37 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are reminicing about an emotion you felt when you were having the affair. that's all. i cheated on my ex for a year and a half with a coworker. he was hot! the sex was incredible, it was great. for an affair. for awhile i still thought about the other guy. but we went out separate ways. i don't think about him much anymore. if he does come to mind it's only a curiousity. not a desire. you will be okay.
this too shall pass.
2006-10-27 16:28:05 · answer #8 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I don't think you really DO love your boyfriend. "Fantasizing" about what it would be like to be with this guy that you cheated on your boyfriend with -- that's not normal for someone who at least FEELS confident that they love their partner. Perhaps if you were thinking of leaving your boyfriend to begin with; that would be a little more reasonable.
If your feelings for him are staggering intermittently, then you've got a problem in your relationship. I'm not talking about this "affair" that you had; I'm talking about your fidelity to him at this exact second. If you can see a future with your boyfriend, chances are you don't want some other guy hanging around with the two of you as well. But in fact, when you think about this other guy, not only do you center your attention on him, but you eliminate your boyfriend as a personal interest altogether. I don't mean to be rude, but I believe there's plenty of reason for you to feel bad about thinking about this other guy, like you said you're doing.
My personal advice: leave your boyfriend, at least for now. It's not fair to him and it's not fair to you. If you're thinking about more than one guy, you shouldn't be in a relationship at all. You owe it to yourself to take some time to be alone and really analyze who you'd be happier with. Being in a relationship with a person while trying to accomplish this will severely affect your opinions and decisions. Plus, you think your boyfriend would be happy if he knew that you were thinking about what a relationship with the other guy would be like? I don't think so.
It's all up to you, and once again I apologize if I offended you. But that's MY personal opinion and I think you owe it to you and your boyfriend to just take some time to think.
2006-10-27 16:34:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
although you may say that you can imagine a future with him, can you really from what i have heard things have been tough! but worse than that your relationship cant have alot of trust? my point is if you really loved your man and werent going to stray again you wouldnt be asking this question. to have sexual thoughts about other is completely natural but remember its not fair to put you or your man though thta again! this time do it in the right way or break out before ppl get hurt!!
2006-10-27 16:34:49 · answer #10 · answered by msbabydoll88 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋