she just got married 1 month ago and got fired for no call,no show but husbands stands behind her and says it's O.K. and he'll work 2 jobs. While he's at work she runs steady to old drug friends and lies about every thing and if you ask if things are o.k., you get screamed at for butting into her private business. I can see she is losing ground fast and going back to her old ways but don't know how to help her. she won't tell me the trueth about anything. she always was an habitual liar and has the attitude of ME FIRST even over her 2 babies from a previous marriage. She drags them out when she runs off and I have had to take over custody twice now and the athorities say say next time ,they go some where else not to me. She acts like they're lieing and she's not worried. I've threatened to turn those friends in to athorities if she don't stay away and so did her husband but she goes any way. what can I do to get her attention that I am serious. I want those babies safe and I will do it
2006-10-27 09:02:30 · 21 answers · asked by lcj43938 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
All you can do is try to be a friend and do all you can to protect those babies
2006-10-27 09:04:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your daughter is a lost cause for the moment. She won't change or grow up until she is either ready or has really screwed her life up. If you can afford it, contact a family attorney and see about getting some sort of permanent agreement about you having custody of her children (even if that means taking her to court) - before the authorities become involved again. Or does the children's father (from the previous marriage) care or know what is going on with her - can he take over the duties of being a parent on a permanent basis or can you share custody with him (if he is worthy of it)??? She sounds pretty selfish and her kids deserve a better life. I know it might not seem fair for you to have to raise her kids, but they deserve some sort of stable life.
As for your daughter, I am sure you wish the situation was different. However, you did the best you could raising her and she is making her own choices now, however bad they may be. Just cut yourself off emotionally to her and let her make her mistakes. When she calls from jail wanting you to bail her out - don't do it. Don't give her money, and don't ask her anything unless it is about the kids. Nothing you say to her will make her better I'm sorry to say. Forget her friends and don't make threats anymore. Take action and do something about her children to make sure they have a better life - even if that means taking custody away from her. Perhaps then she will realize you are serious - or she will just become more flaky. I am sorry she is causing you so much grief, but don't let her stress you out anymore - take action!!! Good luck!!!
2006-10-27 09:43:47 · answer #2 · answered by Michaela 4120 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her husband needs to care as much as YOU do. He doesn't, or HE would do something, so don't kid yourself...he is going to be no help in this matter. Sometimes, we have to let those we love fall flat on their faces. And the thing is that we hurt with them. It may be their "drama" but they have made us the co-stars of their dramas. The best thing you could do is to stay away for a while. Do NOT call, or go over, or ANYTHING!!!! You are letting YOURSELF become a wreck!!!!! The babies will be fine. They will. You must believe this. If you are okay, then why did the law say the kids couldn't come back to you ever again. What is the problem there? You need to get yourself together, and your home in order, so that they can come to you. The courts would NOT let them go anywhere else IF YOU ARE TOGETHER, and your home is a clean one, etc.........
2006-10-27 09:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres a thing called tough love and it sounds like she is ready for it when addiction takes over your life there is nothing as important to the addict as using drugs and i mean nothing! i know this because i am one and will always be one when i was caught up in the race of using and abusing all that mattered to me was the next high i knew i was hurting those that loved me and i didn't care i said i did but i didn't because i would not could not stop no matter what first stop enabling her! stop picking up the pieces and let her deal with the consequences of what she is doing if she loses her children her husband her freedom and it gets her attention enough to save her life you will recieve an an awesome gift u will get your daughter back! the one u love and care so much for if not u will suffer and so will the children and he life will eventually be taken by the drugs or the "friends" that she chooses, i hope this doesn't sound harsh or mean but it is the truth i truely know exactly how both of u fell because i have been on the side of each of u iam an addict and a mother of an addict good luck
2006-10-27 09:14:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should call the authorities and ask them what you should do. Usually if a grandparent wants to take full custody, the courts love that. However if you're going to allow your daughter to take the children again, esp when she's not in rehab or getting any help, then they don't belong with you. You have to do what's best for the innocent ones first, then try to get your daughter into a program. If she won't do it, you shouldn't put yourself through this anymore. It's her life now and there's not much else you can do. She's either going to wind up dead or in prison or both. Look after the children and do what's in the best interest of them.
2006-10-27 09:33:20 · answer #5 · answered by X M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to get the kids away immediatly! If they grow up with this in their early childhood they will think it's normal and okay to act like their mom and the problems will continue. As for helping your daughter...There's not a thing you can do until she is ready to change. Then you can be there to support her (emotionally, not finacially). Until she's ready to stop you will have no effect. Just don't enable her--no money to help with bills, no hauling her around or taking her in if she loses her car or home. When she hits bottom she will change but everyone has a different place they consider "the bottom". Good luck. I know it hurts.
2006-10-27 09:26:59 · answer #6 · answered by jonahbeast 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have your daughter over and have a long and hard chat with her about her behavior. Unfortunately people in these kinds of situation can only help themselves...They will listen to others but until something really bad happens nothing will change! Can you say that you wan't your grandkids to stay over at your house for alittle while? Tell her you want to keep them safe and feel she isn't doing her job as a mother! Ask her how you can help her...Don't put her down just ask her how you can help her and let her know that you love her and that you care and are there for her! Hope things get better!
2006-10-27 09:08:22 · answer #7 · answered by Alesha W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what i don't understand is why they keep giving the kids back to her, only to threaten that next time they will go some place else and not with you?? unless you are the one that gives the kids back??? i don't think there is alot you are going to be able to do to help your daughter. what i think that you should do is go to court and file for permanent custody of the kids. i know that there is a chance from what you said that they will go some place else, but i think that is a chance you should take.of course if that did happen i would fight tooth and nail to get them.where is the babies father in all of this?? if he is a good man, then i think you should go to him and tell him what is going on. as i said fight for these kids you may be the only person that can help them.
2006-10-27 14:21:09 · answer #8 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to your local family court house and make an app to see the chamber of magistrates. Explain the problem to him/her and tell them that you want custody of your grandchildren because you fear for their safety and deffinaltely give names of these so called friends to them as well. I hads a friend in the same situation. They gave the grandmother temp custody of kids and made the mother go into rehab or was going to send her to jail for neglect. She has to realise that it's not only her that is going to suffer it's thoses poor babies. Go to her house and get them kids. Don't let her have them until you have spoken to chamber magistrate. If she loves them she will get clean. As for the lying, I think that she needs counciling. They will also arrange that for you as well at the family court house. Please hurry. These kids need you. Hope I could be of help. Good Luck to you and to those beautiful children.
2006-10-27 09:33:43 · answer #9 · answered by rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you love your daughter and are scared for her. You can't control a drug addict and you know it. You are doing the right thing be NOT enabling her, but it might help you to go to Al-Anon.
Thank God you were there for her kids, by the way. Do whatever you have to do (including sending your daughter and her friends to jail) to keep them safe. Get custody now if you can. It will only get worse until she wants to stop.
2006-10-27 09:09:01 · answer #10 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said at the end there, you want those babies safe and you will do it....well, get with it. Get her to a treatment center, and if that don't work, get her to a work camp or something. She's going to crash and crash hard. She's self destructing now, what's going to happen if she does something stupid and the babies are with her? Family services should be able to help you somehow. What's with the husband? Is he blind?
2006-10-27 14:59:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋