rude joke, food for thought. lol?

Question

A cucumber, a pickle and a penis were talking about there awful lives.

Cucumber says "my life sucks. When I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and toss me in a salad"

Pickle says "When I get big , fat and juicy they cover me in vinegar and throw me in a jar"

Penis says
"You think that's bad, when I get big, fat and juicy they pull a tent over
my head, stick me in a dark room and bang my head against a wall till I
throw up and pass out.
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".
Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the
measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma
says there's a bug going round and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

(continued below)

Little Irish Patrick jumps up and says in a broad accent, "Our
next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush,
and my dad says it will take the contagious."

sorry i didnt leave a gap. ooops

for those who dont get the 2nd joke, it is said in irish accent a means................................................

will take the C**t ages - contagious. lol

Answer 1

1st ones funny, but i didn,t get the 2nd one !!!

Answer 2

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Answer 3

lol i got one to that is not always great but i hope i tell it right ne way here it goes its called the pink pickel

theres this hottel and this old lady walks in and says "i want to rent a room" the bell boy says "theres only one room open but theres no plates so u will have to eat out the window its on the first floor" she says "ok" well the next day a man walks in and says "i would like to rent a room" the bell boy says theres only one room its on the second floor but theres no toilet u will have to pee out the window." he says "ok" well the next day another man walks in and says "i would like to rent a room" the bell boy says "well theres only one room its on the 3rd floor and theres no sink u will have to shave out the window." hes says "all right". well the next day the man was shaving, the other man was peeing, and the old woman was eating pickels all at the same time. so the man droped his raser, it fell cut the dudes penis off and it lands in the pickel jar that the old lady was eating out of she picks it up and bites into it and says "that was the best tasting pickel ive ever had!!!!

Answer 4

That's the second time in the last half-hour I've seen this, and it wasn't funny the first time. Try to be original, sports.

Answer 5

What on the surface of the eath youare trying to convey in your second joke! First one was Ok..!!!! Can you be clear ?

Answer 6

Pretty good ones, but I have ton say the best one was the first one with the penis.

Answer 7

i like da penis , pickle , cucumber 1

Answer 8

Had to read it twice, good thing you left the gap out sos it wouldn't get deleted.

Answer 9

I don't get the 2nd one!! Email me at [e-mail] and tell me the joke.

Answer 10

Heh heh

Answer 11

Can someone explain the second joke? I didn't get it.