He walked out on my mother and brother and I when I was 12. I watched him walk away. He would maintain a relationship with my brother but not with me. He invites my brother for xmas and holidays, not me. He was supposed to look after me for 2 weeks when my mum was out of the country and I was 15, he dropped me off home alone after 2 days. I used to go out of my way to try and maintain contact with him but it became obvious he wanted nothing to do with me so the last 12 years have come and gone without him in my life at all. I am leaving in a few months, moving abraod, eloping, and I won;t be back. Should I contact him before i go? I am sure he will hear about it from my brother and I am sick of always being the bigger person when it comes to him. He left for another woman and she had daughters my age-she called n told me at 13-he has new daughters now, he doesnt need u. I am asking this q again just to see the answers. I am torn on what to do and yes he is my biological father.
2006-10-27 07:46:55 · 14 answers · asked by BlondeBarbie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
From what you indicate, it is your father, not you, who ended the relationship. There come a time when you must realize that you may be beating a dead horse. Now, if you think that even remotely you will be bothered or troubled by not contacting him before you leave, then go ahead and make the effort to contact him. But, be prepared to be rejected. If you feel you can go on with your life without making contact with him, then that is what you should do. He is the who has lost out, not you. You are going forward with your life and that is what you must consider.
Candidly, I personally think your father treats you the way he does because he either has guilt or hatred towards your mother, and, you being female and the daughter of your mother, has become the surrogate and an additional sorce for him to vent his feelings. If you were a male, he most probably would not have these feelings.
You may want to consider writing him a letter and telling him you have or are going to move abroad. You can very honestly put forth your feelings. Let him be the one to make contact. If he does, then grasp the opportunity and go forward. If he doesn't then you know how he feels. Sadly, there are some people in this world who are just plain lousy and there is nothing you can do about it. I am certain in the future you will have a baby and you can always send him a birth announcement. Sometimes, that arouses some guilt it the most hardened idiots.
I wish you luck in your attempt, your move, and your marriage.
2006-10-27 07:58:36 · answer #1 · answered by brucenjacobs 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What goes around, comes around........he and his woman will have a lot to deal with later,,,.if it hasn't got to them yet! There is only so much you can do to keep a relationship alive and it sounds like you have done all you possibly could do and it's time to move on with your own life. Even if he finds out later that you left the country without saying "goodbye", do you think he will be "hurt"? I don't think so! I have learned that there will be a lot of people in our lives that really matter and those that really don't, even if they are of our blood. That is what this man was in your life for, a lesson, to show you what not to do, now his job is finished.
Spend your love on someone who deserves it and when you have your own children, you can use this valuable lesson to know just how to love them. That's what adversity is, a lesson.
Have a good life baby girl and know that you are loved by many people who count and especially by God.
2006-10-27 08:16:35 · answer #2 · answered by KieKie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously he's your father biologically but not really the real father figure that a child can look up to!
it's up to you, if you really want to know how he reacts (when he heard that you are going away) or do you really want to know whether you are in his heart or what makes him ignore you or what really happened between him and your mom.
i'm guessing there are so many unanswered questions about him inside your mind right now. i guess, it's better for you to see him for the last time. ask him all the things in the past that came between you two. clear the air.
it's better late than never.
he's a jerk for not being there for you BUT you better meet him and clear the air with him. it's either you will mend the broken relationship or you will find out that he's still a jerk and you are better off without him then and now!
good luck!
2006-10-27 08:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by immortal1983 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that sucks! Honestly, I think I would just send him a letter saying good bye. I know how it feels to always have to be the bigger person but this way you won't have any regrets. It's too bad he is missign out on your life but it sounds like you have a new man to take care of you adn love you in a way that your father couldn't.
Good luck and have fun abroad!
2006-10-27 07:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by Cristina M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're living for good and you think it will be a very long time for you until you come back there again,well,I think you should at least call him.That's because it is either the right thing to do and then because you might regret not having done it.Tell him good bye and that's all.
2006-10-27 07:52:32 · answer #5 · answered by Brenno 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a lot like my father, but mine has no other kids. He just left when I was 4. You have a biological father, but that doesn't mean you really have a father, so you are not obligated to him in any way. Why waste your time with him? He doesn't care.
2006-10-27 07:51:54 · answer #6 · answered by martin h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember.. one day will be your judgement day and if you are a big person and always do the correct thing, then you will not have any what if... he at some point in his life will realize what a good daughter he has and want to be around you....I would let him know through a simple phone call.
2006-10-27 07:50:40 · answer #7 · answered by on2try 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes! definately should go and see him AT LEAST ONE LAST TIME! then if he still treats you coldly then at least you know you gave him a last chance to get closer with you. and i can gurantee that you will also feel much better after you are abroad!. and the least you can do is ask him why is he treating you thins way. You might discover something amazing.
Hope that helps..
2006-10-27 07:52:24 · answer #8 · answered by orlyandsa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart. Do what feels right. The rest is up to him. Someday when you look back on this you will feel at ease that you did all you could to let him back into your life. Your soul will be free
2006-10-27 07:53:23 · answer #9 · answered by Digging for answers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont talk to him
my dad left us when i was like 7 or 8
because he wanted to have a boy and my mom was done having kids after 6 pregnancies and two miscarriges
he didnt even want to see my baby sister,ordered a blood test and everything.He was to busy with his mistress having a kid that was going to be a boy.I dont talk to him i dont call him dad and he is not arround so i wouldnt invite or call him for anything
you should do the same
2006-10-27 07:52:58 · answer #10 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋