Would you consider this cheating?

Question

I take this woman I know out for coffee once in a while. I haven't told my girlfriend about it but I don't really think it's a big deal. I've heard some pretty crazy definitions of cheating. Would you honestly consider this cheating?

I sometimes pay for her coffee.
We don't have 'deep' conversations as far as I'm concerned.
Our coffee meetings are usually last-minute things.

Answer 1

Nope.

Answer 2

No this is not cheating. However your actions in hiding it may seem to your girlfriend that it is. You are being dishonest with your girlfriend by not telling her. If she went for coffee once in a while with a gentleman and didn't tell you, what would you think once you found out? How would you feel? It's just fishy when you hide it from her. And obviously you know that you not telling her is wrong considering you are asking about it. The longer you allow this without telling your girlfriend only makes it look worse and you untrustworthy. Tell her before one of her friends or family members sees you with another woman and tells her. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 3

"TheErrandBoy's Levels of Cheating"
Level 3: Intimate physical contact/ "plug & socket" activities
Level 2: No physical action- But lot of mental intent /imagination to engage in "plug & socket" activities at later stage. Mentally undressing a woman can be considered to fall under this level
Level 1: Talk and talk as friends with no flirting.

Level 3 is considered cheating and Level 1 is not. The grey area which some cannot agree on is Level 2.

Now your scenario does not Level 3. Only you know whether it is Level 2 or Level 1. If it is Level 1, you are safe. If it is Level 2, you are still safe, unless you open your bloody mouth and tell your gf. Just tape your mouth when you sleep so you don't mumble about your intent in your sleep

Answer 4

While this may sound like a cliche, ask yourself this: is a cliche still a cliche if it is true?

If you have to ask yourself, then you already know the answer. You are simply looking for people to make you feel better about your this thing that you know is wrong - it is called guilt and you need to feel it sometimes.

Your dating, you can't go out with another girl and not tell your girlfriend. If she knows, fine! Men can have friends of the oposite sex too, but if it is a secret then, well... why is it a secret buddy?

What would you do if she had a secret friend. What would think when you she told you that she thought it wouldn't be a big deal.

Be a man and choose.

Answer 5

Well think about it this way...if u girlfriend was going out to coffee with some guy at work and didn't tell you "cause she thought it wasn't a big deal" what would u do? Be honest...u would be pissed. My definition of cheating is anything you have to hide (or choose to omit). That could be just conversation, but if u need to hide it, then somethings wrong.

Answer 6

Its not cheating, but your girlfriend will feel it is betrayal. If you are not telling your girlfriend about this"friend" you are taking to coffee and she was to find out, you would look really suspicious and even if you did not cheat she would probably not believe you. All because you did not tell her the truth. Trust is most important in a relationship and if you are not telling her it is because maybe you want something to happen with this girl or have a "crush" on her and would not like your girlfriend to stop you from seeing her.

Answer 7

Why haven't you told your girlfriend? Do you find this woman that you are taking out attratctive? Answer those questions and you should have your own answer. If it is truly innocent on your part and there isn't anything inappropriate in your mind (or anywhere else) then its fine. If you are hiding it because you feel guilty because you think your girlfiriend would be jealous, or whatever, then you have more than a problem with whether or not you are cheating. You should be open with your girlfriend. If its a problem, then it should be dealt with, not hidden.

Answer 8

Look beyond the physical act of just having coffee together. What is in your heart? Is it just a friendship you enjoy? No big deal. Or, are you allowing an attraction to build? BIG deal! As long as you keep your perspective straight and keep it platonic, then it isn't cheating. Is there a reason you haven't told your gf about it?

Answer 9

Me, as a woman, I wouldn't consider that cheating UNLESS, you have feelings for this woman that you are taking out for coffee. Does this woman know you have a girlfriend? If not why not? Do you have feelings for her? Are you leading her on in any way?
My fiancee has female friends. He doesn't go out with them but I wouldn't at all mind if he went and sat down to have coffee with any of them.

Answer 10

You're dating another woman (so what if it's for coffee once in a while) and hiding it from your girlfriend. If it's "no big deal" why haven't you told her? Let me guess.... because you personally think meeting another woman for coffee is such a tiny thing in your busy life, it doesn't warrant a mention. Liar.
Tell your girlfriend you're having coffee dates with another woman if it's no big deal.

Answer 11

If you have deep conversations with this woman or have a close friendship with her without your girlfriend knowing about it, then I would consider it cheating. Cheating is not just physical. If you are hiding an emotional bond from your girlfriend, I believe that is just as bad.