Why hasn't he proposed yet?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. The first two and a half years, we dated long distance, but have lived together for over a year and a half. We have talked about marriage numerous times, and often say things like "oh, at our wedding.. I'd like this or that" or "I want to retire by our 30th wedding anniversary" etc .. But he still hasn't asked me yet. Our relationship is stable, we have little arguements like any couple, but we are relatively normal in that regard. Financially.. We recently spent over 2 grand on a new HDTV, but when I asked about a ring, he said he didn't think we should spend the money right now. I don't understand.. he's 27, so it isn't a matter of being too young. I don't know why he hasn't proposed yet. Any ideas?

Answer 1

He's gotten comfortable. It's probably like a "if it ain't broke..." mentality. It has nothing to do with you becoming a better girlfriend, or something like that.

Just be honest with him. Tell him your reasons for wanting to make your relationship official and ask him if he agrees with your view of things.

Hope all goes well for you. It did for me!

Answer 2

Why is the sky blue would be an easier question to answer. I was in the same boat...been dating FOREVER and still no proposal...not cool! It finally came down to setting him a deadline that he had to propose by, or we not date anymore, because the way I saw it, I'm not getting any younger, and as much as I love him, I want to get married, and if he's not willing to give me that, then I could be spending this time with someone who is. He realize I was right, and March 15 at 11:43pm he finally did it, with 17 mins to spare on his deadline! He just always figured we'd get around to it, that we needed to pay for this and this, and he really just ran out of excuses! We love each other very much, but it just takes some guys a while, and they need some encouragement sometimes! I hate I had to put a deadline on it, but I truly don't think I'd be engaged now if I hadn't. btw-27's plenty old enough, does he wanna be like 40 when ya'll have kids? good luck!

Answer 3

I feel for you sister. There are many reasons why he might not have yet.

*Is he comfortable in his life to where he thinks he can support you (and possibly children)?
*Is he starting to feel complacent in his current situation? (If you are living together he might think what's the point of changing things.)

I really can't say what his issue is though since I don't personally know the situation.

Here's what I can say. I know that you have said that you have talked marriage with him, but have you in-depth? Meaning, you may have talked about what colors you want, but have you actually sat down and told him how you feel? You need to come clean and let him know that this is tearing you apart. Let him know that you are ready to take the next step and want to know if he is or is not ready and why. If he isn't, be honest with him and let him know you can't be asked to wait forever. Four years is a long time to give to someone, especially since you will be 30 in a few years....

I hope everything works out.

Laura

Answer 4

I was 25 and my now husband was 33 when he proposed - 3 months after we met. After 1 month he asked me to go ring shopping with him. We've now been married a year and together for 3 years total. The reason I've shared this is because sometimes it depends on the age of the guy. It also depends on whether he thinks you're truly the right one for him. Some guys just like the presence of a woman in their lives - for fun, for sex, for whatever. He's got all that with you without the wedding, commitment, or marriage. It's like he's got his cake and he's eating it. You need to take some time and think about how much longer you want to wait. I can tell you I would never wait that long - when it's right, it's right and you know immediately.

Answer 5

OOOOOOH, I feel your pain. My BF and I have been together for 6 years. He is 40 and I am 32. I waited through several Holidays and finally said "ENOUGH". We are going to have the talk in two weeks. I sent him the agenda by email. I have given him two weeks to get his excuses, fears, and mother issues out of the way. I had to come to terms with the fact that I would walk out of the relationship if he doesn't get his act together. You tell him that the HDTV, is not going to cook, clean, love, play, or provide any real adult entertainment. Better yet unplug the thing. Show him how far HDTV goes with no power. You make him play with you, like he does the remote.

Answer 6

My guess would be is that he doesn't want to marry you - or, he's not sure if he wants to marry you, which essentially amounts to not wanting to.

If I were you, I would ask him straight-forward if the proposal is forthcoming soon. A year and a half is PLENTY of time for someone to figure out whether or not they want to commit to the person long-term. If the ring is an excuse - do you really HAVE to have a big expensive ring? My ring cost under $400, I picked one I really liked, and was happy with it (I wasn't about to go out spending our money on flashy jewelry, we had plenty going on, had a nice honeymoon and several fun trips over the course of the year). If you're absolutely insisting on an expensive ring worth a 3-month salary - then you have no one but yourself to blame for the wait. Figure out what your priorities are, and talk to him then.

Answer 7

so, for whatever reason, he is stalling.
you could just put up with it, and trust that he will ask you.
it may be that he simply wants to get some home expenses out of the way before facing all of the costs involved in a wedding.
or you could explain to him that in your half of the relationship more information is needed.
you don't really know what was in his thoughts during the distance thing. it's easy enough to write and say nice words, and he's obviously comfortable with how things have worked out, but that's a different matter to having any genuine intentions toward you.
if marriage is really important to you, you may need to set a time limit in your own mind for a proposal.
that way, whatever happens, you will get an answer one way or another.

Answer 8

Don't rush him into it. You are ready, but he is not. And the worst thing you can do is to make someone who isn't ready to take the plunge. He will resent you for it.
That happened with me and my ex. And well, he's my EX.
Now that I'm married to my hubby, he was 35 years old. Now I know that's no spring chicken (as my mom put it), but at least I knew he was ready and mature.
The two of you are on different pages here. You have what you want mapped out in your head and he's just not prepared for that yet. You need to sit down and talk seriously about it. Talk about your expectations, and even ask him straight up: Are you ready to get married? No trying to drop hints, no beating around the bush.
Good luck, remember, if you give him an ultimatum, you could wind up all alone.

Answer 9

He has you in your mind for marriage, You live together and he is investing in your relationship as a couple. Christmas, New years and Valentines day are coming up... maybe you get a suprise! Make sure that you drop hints here and there telling him what you want for a present.

After all the holidays, it's imperative that you are clear with him and ask him what are the real chances of you getting married in the near future. You've waited long enough.

Your best bet is for you to tell him straigh up that you need to make things official, that you have waited long enough and that you deserve it. Tell him that you need and straight answer to your question.


Or wait for the next loop year to propose him

Good luck

Answer 10

Sounds to me like he just needs another little bump and manipulating him in many ways is the perfect solution. I think it's what he really wants. Does he have good insurance?