How can I tell my kids that I'm sick?

Question

they know mommy is not well but how can I tell them that I have cancer stage IV. They are 12,11 and 10 yrs old. Is it right to tell them any way?

As a matter of fact I rented that movie "stepmom" but I did not had the heart to tell them. They simpathazed with the situation but ..I dont' know.

And my husband is compleately in denial still now.

the truth is they saw how my mother was waseted away by cancer also, she is now in her last weeks and they have to deal with the death of their grandma and I dont have the heart to tell them this. Only my husband and my brother knows it. Maybe I'm different and I'll be on remition .RIGHT??

Answer 1

Your story brought me to tears. I would tell them and be truthful but not brutual. Tell them what could happen and tell them ofcourse that you love them. Also, DONT GIVE UP!!! Cancer is cureable, you have to atleast try and win or else you will just being giving up and letting the disease win without a fight. But keep in mind that it is possible that you could die, but if you dont want to then fight. Thnk of your kids, your husband, your pets, your life, your dreams and fight for them. Pray,hope, and my advice which i cant stand to even suggest but if you would loose the battle, beforehand write letters for each birthday of theirs, graduation,college, maybe even christmas, and ofcourse your advice and opinions, like first breakup, first kiss, marriage. ANd make them each a photo album, special and only made for them and maybe write a little poem about them in the album, and tell them how much they mean to you exc. Talk to your Doctor about what you can do, if there is nothing then make peace. Also try to gently get your husband to understand that you are sick and you could die. Ok, Im crying agin so Im going to stop typing now, but I truely wish you the best of luck to you and your family. I will pray for you and think of you. Good Luck! God Bless You! I dont know what to say.

Answer 2

You have to tell them. They may surprise you and say that they knew something was wrong and may have already figured it out if you've been going to the doctor alot.

Kids are so smart these days.

You are in my prayers. Spend as much time with your kids as you can and fight like hell. There are so many advances in cancer treatment. I have a friend that has colon cancer, Stage IV and the doctors are still optimistic.

My grandmother never knew she had cancer and she lived 9 months longer than doctors ever thought she could.

My father-in-law has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, first in the 80s, then it recently reappeared. His doctors, which are the best in the world (Houston) think he is a walking miracle. I hope that you become a walking miracle also.

Answer 3

Stage IV yourself and to top it off your mother is not doing well with her cancer, I am so sorry. If the worst happens, your children will be better able to deal with it if they have time now to come to terms with it. Your treatment alone will take their mother away from them, in a manner. They need to know what is going on.

If it were me, I would contact your local Cancer Society. They can have someone sit down with both you, your husband and your children and explain what is happening, the treatment and what to expect. Hospice is another avenue that you might want to consider. They are very good at helping families deal with a possible terminal disease. They can also help your children through the loss of their grandmother.

It is very important for you to rid yourself of stress during this time. You are in for a very hard fight for your life. You do not need the added stress of trying to keep a secret. On the days that you feel like crap (and you will), you need to be able to focus on yourself and your recovery, not trying to make sure that the secret doesn't get out. Get it out, deal with it and then shore yourself up for the fight for your life. You are correct, you could go into remission, but incase you don't, give your children and yourself the gift of being able to come to terms with what is happening and the ability to make good memories.

Good luck, God Bless and stay positive.

Answer 4

Wow. First of all , let me say that you are in my prayers, although I don't know you personally. Yes, your kids have a right to know, even at their ages. This will be most difficult for both you and them, and you will get mixed feelings from them. But let them express their emotions each in their own way. You will probably hear that it's not fair, and others of the like. If your are a spiritual person, talk with your clergyman (or woman) about how to deal with this. And, as always, FIRST and FOREMOST-- Pray to God. He is still in the healing business, and I am a firm believer that prayer can and does change things; and that miracles DO happen. God Bless you and your Family.

Answer 5

I think it is important that your children know that you are ill. I would suggest telling them that you have an illness that could kill you, but focusing on the positives. Maybe you have a religion that says good things happen to people after they die? You should let them know who will be caring for them when you pass, and try to arrange things so that your passing will not be so awkward (ex: arranging who will take care of other chores when you are gone, like fixing the car). It is usually best to approach death matter of factly, rather then worrying about how people will feel. Reactions are temporary, memories and learned skills will last a lifetime. Try to make the transition as smooth as possible.

Answer 6

I know we want to shield our children from all the bad things in the world, but it would be best if you could tell them because that way they will have time to ask questions, grieve over the situation, time to deal with it. Not be hit all at once with it. They are at a good age to understand. Now if they were very young like toddler-preschool then I can understand you not wanting to get into details, but your children have a right to know. I know it will be hard. Is their Father around or other fmaily members for support. I wish you the best with your family and hope and pray you can get thru these times.

Answer 7

First let me say I'm so sorry for your family. my heat goes out to you. But you should tell them so they understand your moods and feelings. They may get mad at you for something and if they don't know they may say something hurtful to you that they will regret the rest of their life. If they know the truth it will be hard. Cancer and death are never easy. I got mad a t my dad who was sick and i didn't know. i told him to go back to bed and drop dead. Next i knew i got met at school by our pastor who came to tell me he had died that morning after i left for school. I had tried to call home from school when i got there to apologize but the line was busy. It was my mom calling the ambulance. I was a NO IT ALL 15 year old . this changed my life but i can never go back. they were just words but had i known he was sick i would never have said them. Be there for them now while you can. If you feel you cant tell them then write each of them a letter and or make them a video and tell them why you couldn't tell them about it before . at least that way they will hear it from you. Get them into counseling too.

Answer 8

Tell them, better that they know now and have a chance to come to terms with it than that they don't know and either discover by accident or never know and end up resenting you for it. Kids are resilient and pick up things more easily than most adults. You're still Mommy and you still Love them, those are the two most important things, and the fact that you worry so much about it tell me that you're a great Mom.

Answer 9

By all means, please tell them as soon as possible.

Tell them the absolute truth, please do not try and sugarcoat it. Make sure they know they can come to you with any and all questions that they may have.

On a personal note: You should go to your nearest herbalist and Nutritionist and see what you can do to help your doctor fight this disease. You need to treat your entire body when it comes to any cancer.

I was diagnosed with cancer and thankfully I am in remission and I never take for granted this life I was given. I am sure that you will give this a good fight. You have to keep emotionally, physically and mentally strong to fight this.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Answer 10

Yes you should tell them. But make sure you do it in private and when they have time to actually listen and understand. Have you seen the movie stepmom? Deals with this same situation. Also if their dad can be there to lend support that would be better.