I am going to see her in an hour and I will be asking her this:
Look, I know you love me and I know you know how much I love you, but I'm really confused about what's going on w/ you and us. I keep hearing and seeing what I think are mixed signals from you about what you want. If it's not working for you, you can tell me. In fact, I need to hear it. I don't even need to know why. If you're just confused and scared, please just tell me that. That changes things dramatically. I think we both value honesty in any relationship and hope we're being honest with ourselves.
If you have any Q's about details, read my "Urgent Q...". I have to say this to her. Sorry if you already read this, but this means A LOT to me. She means A LOT to me and I want to make sure this isn't accusatory or confrontational, but I need some answers.
2006-10-27 06:37:37 · 16 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I read your "Urgent Q" and I'm wondering - how do you "know that she loves you"? Flirting like mad and going out sometimes does not mean that someone loves you. I agree with the lady who said either she's depressed / has low self esteem OR you're not the right guy for her. To be honest, it sounds like a relationship that is too messed up to be worth the effort. But if you love her, then I wish you luck. Just don't lose your perspective entirely.
2006-10-27 06:48:13 · answer #1 · answered by pamgissa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I'm not a lady but, having been in a very similar situation, you may want to have specific example of the "signals" you're talking about because if you don't it may backfire. By the way I married the woman I had a similar conversation with. Sometimes just getting things out in the open is best.
2006-10-27 06:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chicks are emotional based
i have copied your words and i will put my thoughts IN ALL CAPS! :)
Look, I know you love me and I know you know how much I love you, ONLY SAY THIS IF SHE HAS SAID I LOVE YOU!
but I'm really confused about what's going on w/ you and us. SOUNDS GOOD YOUR NOT PLACING BLAME HERE. I WOULD TAKE OUT THE W/YOU THAT IS FINGURE POINTING AND MAYBE IT'S NOT HER PROBLEM IT DOES SEEM MORE LIKE YOUR PROBLEM THEN HERS! SO JUST USE US..
I keep hearing and seeing what I think are mixed signals from you about what you want. SHOW EXAMPLES MAKE IT PERSONAL SAY BY YOU DOING THIS I FEEL LIKE THIS!
If it's not working for you, you can tell me. NOW YOUR LOOKING FOR AN OUT! YOU STAYING THAT THIS ISN'T WORKING IS TELLING ME THAT YOUR ALREADY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL! BY ASSUMING... JUST BE STRAIGH UP WITH HER! ASK HER WHERE DO YOU SEE US IN 1 YEAR 2 YEARS DO YOU SEE US GETTING MARRIED... THIS WAY IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR MORE NOSY ABOUT THE REALTIONSHIP OTHER THEN WHAT YOU NEED IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! REMEMBER THAT!
In fact, I need to hear it. I don't even need to know why. YOU SOUND DESPREAT FOR HER TO SAY NO I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU JUST MARK THAT OFF IF SHE DON'T REALLY CARE FOR YOU THEN SHE ISN'T GOING TO CARE IF YOU NEED THIS INFO OR NOT!
I TOOK EVERYTHING ELSE OUT BECAUSE THIS SHOULD BE ENOUGHT TO GET THE REAL TALK GOING!
DON'T TRY TO SOUND LIKE SHE IS LAST PERSON ON EARTH AND DONT ALREADY HAVE IN YOUR HEAD SHE HAS BROKEN UP WITH YOU CUZ YOU DO.. YOUR DOUBTING HER, YOURSELF , AND YOUR REALTIONSHIP!
YOU CAN SAY THAT
HEY BABE I AM HAVING SOME DOUBTS WHERE DO YOU SEE US GOING?
OR JUST SAY HEY I NEED SOME REASSURENCE THAT YOUR STILL IN THIS WITH ME! CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE OR DO WE NEED TO TALK?
Well just remember things happen for a reason! and don't assume anything have some faith in yourself! and some balls to do this!
if your really this insecure about yourself you need to go to
coping.org it's a free site and i'm working on insecurity right now! lol
funny!
good luck
2006-10-27 06:51:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say this:
I feel I have been getting mixed signals from you is there anything I need to know? Are you happy with this relationship?
-You are saying to much..just get to this point! But you should let her know that you do care about her in a few words. Good Luck!
2006-10-27 06:49:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of how this would be received by her is not only based on "what" you say, but "how" you say it....your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, timing, and tone of sincerity. Maybe instead of saying "that would change things dramatically", say something more along the lines of "I just need to know where we are in this". The "change" statement kinda sounds like her response will determine whether or not you even talk to her afterwards. Good Luck!!
2006-10-27 06:44:20 · answer #5 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if she is saying to you that she is not the innocent sweet person you think she is. She thinks you are a good man & she knows that she is not ready for all that you have to offer her. You need to be happy that she is being at least honest on that level of knowing she can not give you what you deserve.
2006-10-27 06:51:35 · answer #6 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think thats good .. honestly. i dont know all of the details but id rather hear that from a guy then anything pushy or guy like, most guys dont answer in a way girls can understand cuz they dont say everything they feel but i think that u worded this nicely and it should go over well. good luck!
2006-10-27 06:40:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For f@ck sakes grows some balls or buy a clue!!!!
Ask the beyyyyyyyyyyyyyyotch straight out it instead of tip toeing through the freakin tulips!!!
2006-10-27 06:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by Paul M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never heard a guy express himself as well. I would go with what you have as it is truely what you feel. Hopefully she will be as honest as you are. Good luck!
2006-10-27 06:45:32 · answer #9 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she means a lot to you while you say all that!
2006-10-27 06:41:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋