Can solemate be unattractive?

Question

A year after being divorced from a long marriage, I met this girl. We clicked so well, I could talk to her so easily about anything. We shared a lot of interests, did a lot of things we both liked together, kind of like in a hollywood movie. In the eight months we were together we never argued, never got mad. I kept telling myself that physical attraction should not be important, but something kept eating at me, either that or it was too soon after my divorce to start another relationship. Anyway, I broke up with her. I'm trying to move on, but wow, don't know if I will ever find someone that compatible again. Did I make a mistake?

Answer 1

I was in pretty much the same situation 2 years ago but it was reversed.

He wasn't attracted to me!! And let me tell you this, I broker it off because Even though were were mentally perfect for eachother, the "spark" wasn't there. And a huge part of any relationship is feeling like the other person loves every part of you -- good & bad. So if you were not attracted to her -- she is not your soulmate.

Leaving him was the best thing I could have ever done, because I now have the best husband in the world, he loves me for who I am no matter what, & everyone deserves that!

You will find someone someday who is perfect for you, but you must also be willing to make some compromises!

Answer 2

This isn't an answer, it's more of a reflection, because I'm dealing with the same thing. I have a really great girlfriend. Funny, smart, sensual, successful, all that. But I've never found her sexually attractive. In fact, I know that if the guys at work ever saw me with her, I'd be harassed for months on end, so we don't even go out very much.

I've dated a few 9s on the beauty scale, and even one absolute 10. I have to admit, I miss the feeling of being proud to be seen with my girl, rather than worrying about being labeled a "chubby chaser" or having people ask me if I'm being blackmailed into the relationship.

What's terrible is, I'd have married her a long time ago if she were even average-looking, but all I can think about is breaking up with her. It's not even that I want someone prettier to look at, it's that I don't want to worry what people think of me whenever they look at us-- that there's something wrong with me to justify me dating such an odd match. And it's not just paranoia- several people in my life have asked me what the hell I'm doing with her. It's hard to hear things like that about someone you care for.

So I guess what I'm saying is: I understand why you did what you did, and why you're feeling regret. I'll be very interested to see which of your answers gets picked as best.

Answer 3

It does not sound like you made a mistake. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How you see a person is different than how anyone else sees that person. If you do not see beauty through and through than your relationship would not work.

I went out with a girl who had some facial hair and a not entirely beautiful face. I saw her as beautiful, until she asked me to cash in my IRA so that we could afford to continue dating. That was when I first really saw her face and that facial hair.

By the same token, my wife came from an abusive relationship. I met her when she had two black eyes. To this day I cannot picture her with those black eyes, even though there are photos of her that way. I never saw the black eyes, because I saw her inner beauty.

If in the beginning you cannot look past something about the person, then you most likely never will.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 4

Physical attraction fades my friend unless you found a fountain of youth. If you like the life of chasing after beautiful women who may not have the same interests and not be down to earth with you; you will be a lonely man. Sounds like you found a good person and time will tell if that person is your soulmate but eight months is early too. Try keeping in touch but continue dating others and resolve your inner conflicts and confusions. Perhaps if you both feel the same down the road - you will know for sure.

Answer 5

Only person that can answer that is you. And I'm sure there are lots out there compatible with you, but attraction is also a must (sad but true). And one year after a divorce was long enough to get over your marriage so that's just an excuse which tends to make me believe that this girl was just not for you.

Answer 6

You just made the 2nd biggest mistake of your life (#1 was you getting married to the woman you divorced). dude havent you watched shallow hal?with Jack Black. Youll be suprised at how much cinema can teach you. You shouldnt base a relationship on looks , you had everything with this girl (from what you said in your question) and you threw it away cause you think shes not attracted enough. You better go back and try to fix things before some other guy beats you to her.

Answer 7

Your question about soulmates doesn't appear to tie well into the body of your post.

As for your subject question, a soulmate (if they exist) would be someone you feel a deep bond/connection with. They may or may not be a romantic partner, and their physical appearance wouldn't matter.

As for the body of your post, there's more to romance than compatibility. You need to be well matched emotionally, intellectually, and sexually for a romantic relationship to work. If you two didn't have these 3 things, then it's unlikely a romance would go far...whether or not she was a "soulmate".

Did you make a mistake? That's for you to decide.

Answer 8

Sexual attraction is a must in a relationship,but that changes over time.I've never been involved with someone who wasn't the most beautiful woman in the world.You can be looking at a supermodel and realize there is no way to compare her to the woman you are with because she is the only one you see.That's when you truly love her.Good luck,I hope you get her back.

Answer 9

I assume you mean soul mate. What do looks have to do with a soul mate? The expression means someone you feel truly compatible with - i.e., that your souls are mates. Looks have nothing to do with it. Breaking up with her because you don't like her looks is kind of shallow. Perhaps by the time you come to your senses she will have moved on and found someone less shallow to spend her life with.

Answer 10

would you own a beautiful car that ran like crap.....no....id rather own a less attractive car i could trust.....maybe a strange analogy....but on the other hand was she just not quite up to your standards or did her looks revolt you you have to have some sort of attraction.....i personally consider looks last its superficial and in the end it wont bring you happiness.....its like when you make a foolish expensive purchase.....its great for a while .......you get to show it off to your freinds......but in the end its old news and your stuck with the payments.