Should i finally disown my mother?

Question

After a crap childhood (drunk father mother who had 6 kids but only loved 3 and admits it) after visiting my brother in australia for his wedding my mother ignored my 17 year old daughter completely and 2 weeks previously she walked passed my 14 year old daughter without even recognising it was her grand daughter .She has visited my street every day for the last 8 years because my sister lives around the corner (1 of her faves) So should i finally say enough is enough and just concentrate on my lovely kids??

Answer 1

Yes - you pick your friends not your family - stuff her if she can't be bothered with you and don't listen to do gooders who say "but its your mum". In life there are some people who are just nasty and horrible and nothing will change them, unfortuately horrible people still breed and have children thats the sh*t of it all. Don't waste your life worrying about her get on and live your own. And look after your own family and friends - she will end up a sad lonely old woman and thats her fault. But if she approaches you then fair enough be nice to her but if not forget the cow.

Answer 2

Hi, your mum appears very close to your other siblings, you did not say if you are involved with them, or if your children play with their children. wWhat I mean is , perhaps you could ask one of your siblings what the cause of your mothers standoffish behaviour is. There might be a misunderstanding, an incident, which caused this. I do believe that you have a right to know, while your mum is still living. Your children need to know. Might there be dark secrets, that is one thing you need to consider before going ahead. I am sure that your other siblings will feel that morally they must help, and even try to get the old lady to come round, for the grandchildrens sake. press on, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Answer 3

Yes.... concentrate on your own family now. Without going into detail, my mother bears no resemblance to the mother I knew when I was a little girl, after remarrying she is now very selfish and also has little interest in the lives of her children or grandchildren. It used to hurt, but now I couldn't careless. I don't think my son would recognise her if she passed in the street.

Just focus on the relationship with your brothers/sisters, your own family and children and ignore your mothers behaviour.

I think it would be hard to cut her out of your life completely, but perhaps my policy of speaking to her when you are are spoken to could be adopted.

Luckily my brother and I had a great father, with strong values and morals and he did a fantastic job of raising us both. Sadly he never lived to see any of his grandchildren or his own children's successes (and failures!).

Answer 4

Well the answer is yes. I share a similar situation where my mother has disowned me the eldest of seven. My relationship was wonderful until she stared to show her other side. So made the decision to break all tie. To me my children are my world and anyone who does not respect me or my children is no relative of mine.

To break away is the best option , as they then get the feeling you too are not bothered. Being hurt all the time is real hard to handle. So when you do not see them you will feel alot more at easy and conectrate your energy on those you love.

good luck.

Answer 5

Your story is very sad, indeed; however, as a mother, I really would hate to see that you disown your mother. She probably isn't a model mom, but she is still your mother. You say that she and your father were drunk most of your childhood - perhaps her alcoholism prevents her from recognizing her less than desirable motherhood traits.

I think that if you concentrate on being an optimum parent to your own children and not focus on the inabilities of your parent, you will find the hurt not so painful. Your experience with your parents is what it is; nothing you can change.

My sister faults my parents (both of whom are now deceased) for not giving her ALL the things she wanted. What she fails to see is that my parents did their best, having been taught by their parents who were taught by their parents and so on. The fact that all seven of us managed to survive this life is, in some part, due to something they taught us. They weren't perfect but for the majority of my memories, my life was great and I don't regret not having every little thing that others had. I had them and they had to be the most to seven of us. They both drank, which I did not approve of, but I still love them and always will.

We never know what hardships our parents went through. This does not excuse abusive behavior, etc. I would have loved for my mom to be a more attentive grandmother to my kids than she was to my sister, but that did not stop my kids from growing up to respect her.

We all know parents should "choose" in families, but sometimes it happens. So as a parent, we should not blame, but hope that one day our own child will make a difference in our parents' lives. My boys did. They grew up and interacted with my parents and have great memories. THAT's what I really wanted.

Please - just love your parents even for who they aren't as you'd have liked. It will be a valuable lesson for your children when they make friends and have situations that cause them to "choose."

Answer 6

So what does it take for you to get a clue? We can't choose our parents, and just because we came from the genetic material of a certain man and a certain woman, should not obligate us to tolerate the kind of crap that nobody would EVER expect us to take from anyone else. Doesn't it really cheapen the value of "love" when you hear somebody say about a serial killer for example "Well I still love him because he's my father"? By what s trange logic should you be expected to knock yourself out trying to win "daughter of the year" award, for a mother who apparantly treats YOU like something she found stuck to the bottom of her shoe? I suggest that instead of continuing to give this women more and more opportunities to disrespect you, and children, you straighten your back, turn it towards her and walk away, and feel no guilt about it as you do so.

Answer 7

It's a terrible decision to have to make but it sound to me as if you have already done it, so you now just have to live your life and not worry about why your Mother is the way she is - that she has had a crap life too, married to a drunk. Have you tried approaching her about her attitude, does she know how you feel about her behaviour?. Without having blazing rows (perhaps a letter?) is it not possible to talk to her about the situation, especially as she is missing out on her grandchildren? It must be very hurtful for you and your family but I still feel that you should make one last effort before cutting your Mother out of your life entirely.

Answer 8

yes, i think that would be healthies thing for you to do. any mother who could only love some of her kids and not the others, and then admit it..its a sick person. you are not doing yourself or anyone else such as your daughters any good, by holding on and waiting for your mother to notice you all. you actually are giving her a lot of power over you by doing that. move on..love your kids like you never got from your own mother and be a better person.

Answer 9

There is nothing harder for someone to accept than the knowledge that their mother lacks all interest in them. Some people spend their entire lives searching for something that just isn't there because a mothers' love and approbation is such a basic need. Better, then, to cut all ties and forge ahead with the knowledge that you did nothing to deserve that kind of a parent, and that you, yourself, will be a better one.

I'm sorry that you were given this to deal with. It's harsh.

Answer 10

Yes. just because this woman is your mother it doesnt give her the right to treat you as she pleases. would you let anybody else treat you or your children this way. you will feel so releaved when you finally cut her out of your life. Dont take this decision lightly, would you feel guilty if something happened to her and you were not speaking to her at the time? Think this over carefully and do what you think is best for you and your kids.